


Put the Heartbeat Back Inside

by non_tiembo_mala



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Action/Adventure, Amnesia, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jared, Canon-Typical Violence, Frottage, Inspired by a Movie, M/M, Memory Loss, Rimming, SPN Cinema Genre Challenge, Top Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 02:59:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 54,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8270072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/non_tiembo_mala/pseuds/non_tiembo_mala
Summary: Jensen wakes up aboard  a small fishing boat in the Gulf of Mexico with no memory and no clues to who he is except for two bullet wounds in his back and a mysterious chip embedded in his hip.Jared is a PhD student at university in Mexico City, and when Jensen asks him for help, he finds himself swept along on a dangerous journey that will change his life -- their lives -- forever. Based on the 2002 film The Bourne Identity.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh gosh, where to start. This has been quite the undertaking. I rewatched Bourne Identity with the hubby this summer in prep for the new film and couldn't get Jared and Jensen out of my head the whole time. Fortuitously, the next day, someone pointed me in the direction for sign ups for SPN Cinema on LJ and that was it. 
> 
> I have to give massive amounts of love and gratitude to my two usual betas, best friends, and biggest supporters [Dancing_Adrift](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancing_Adrift/pseuds/Dancing_Adrift) and [gluedwithgold](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gluedwithgold/pseuds/gluedwithgold). Amanda, Jen -- I've said it before and I'll say it again because it remains the absolute truth: I couldn't do this without you both ❤
> 
> [whispered_story](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story) has also been a huge source of support and encouragement in so many ways, from getting me on LJ in the first place, holding my hand while I try to figure out its complicated ways, and offering her feedback on this story. 
> 
> I have several disclaimers I'd like to make but I worry about spoilers at the outset so I will be vague.
> 
> I take artistic license and fudge the reality of some details. I know next to nothing about the process of acquiring or renewing international visas. I don't know much about laws regarding deportation, either. I couldn't find out how long it take to cross the Gulf of Mexico in a boat, or if people even do that sort of thing. I also imagine if they do, there is some sort of... coast guard or border control makes it harder to smuggle people across borders. 
> 
> There is also some Spanish dialogue in this fic. Once upon a time I was fluent but my Spanish is pretty rusty so I do apologize. If anyone reads it and finds some grammatical problems there, please do feel free to message about it.
> 
> The title is affectionately lifted from Our Lady Peace's _All You Did Was Save My Life_. The lyrics feel so right for this whole story -- I couldn't resist.

Suddenly, he’s alert. He blinks awake and takes in his surroundings. He’s lying on his back on what feels like a bare wooden table and he’s rocking as though – he’s on a boat. He looks around further.  _ An old boat _ . There’s rust everywhere and he’s in part of the cabin that looks like it’s mainly used for storage. There are tools scattered on the work bench next to him and the place is a mess. It’s bright, maybe midday. He’s alone, for the moment. He can hear someone shuffling in the adjacent room and sits up immediately, swinging his legs over and off before ducking behind the makeshift table. He winces painfully and sucks in a breath as he crouches there, sharp flares of pain radiating from two points in his back, and they burn like fire but he fights through it. The arms of his wetsuit where it’s rolled down and hanging off his waist get in his way a little but he steadies himself and waits, listening. A man enters the room through the open doorway; he’s in his early fifties, with dark hair and a beard tinged with silver, thin wire frames perched on his nose. He’s wearing surgical gloves and a blood stained apron and looks completely stunned by the empty table in front of him. The man finally blinks then starts to move again, looking concerned as he tilts away to check down the other hallway.

 

With the other man clearly distracted, he seizes this moment to spring up from his hiding place. He grabs the closest sharp object off the nearby tool bench and, catching the man by surprise, slams him against the wall and pins him there with his free arm like an iron bar across his chest. 

 

“What are you doing to me? Who are you? Where am I?” he demands, pointing the exacto knife at the man’s face, standing firm despite the pain in his back.

 

“Calm down, son. I’m not–”   
  
“Don’t tell me to calm down!” he yells, panic rising like a tsunami in his chest. He doesn’t recognize this boat, or this man, and has no recollection of how he came to be here. Actually, he can’t recall very much at all, and the realization unnerves him; he feels a tremor start throughout his body even as he continues to brandish his makeshift weapon close enough to make the other man’s eyes cross when he looks at it. “What are you doing to me?!”   
  
“Hey! I’m trying to help you. I’m a friend, okay? A friend. You got shot, for chrissakes. I’ve been patching you up. There were two bullets in your back, and a kind of implant under the skin at your hip.” The man has kind eyes and looks at him in earnest as he holds up the small metal cylinder for him to see, a red light glowing at the tip of it.

 

He squints as he looks at it. It’s foreign to him.  _ It was under his skin? _ The panic is still threatening and it’s getting harder to breathe. His head is swimming a little and he’s starting to feel dizzy.

 

“Son, do you know what this is?” The man asks him again, but he can’t keep his eyes focused on the tiny object. His vision is getting blurry and he swallows hard.

 

As the weakness sets in, the fight starts to slip away from him. His hand – the one holding the knife – is shaking violently now and he can’t maintain the strength necessary to keep the man pressed against the wall. Instead, he starts to sway, the pain in his back screaming at him.

 

“Take a deep breath, okay? You need rest. Let me help you.” The man reaches for him, tries to help him stay on his feet. “What’s your name, kid?”

 

The man looks at him expectantly.

 

He just blinks back at him, struggling to catch his breath.

 

“My… my name? I don’t… I don’t know? I don’t know my name!  _ I don’t know _ !”

 

The last thing he remembers is the man clutching at him, trying to ease him down as everything goes dark.

 

\---

 

The next time he wakes, he’s in a small bed. He’s dressed in soft, loose pajamas and as he shifts under the covers he can feel the tape and gauze where he’s got two bandages on his back and another smaller one at his left hip. Before he opens his eyes, he listens. 

 

He can hear the sounds of the water moving alongside the boat, the footsteps of someone – two someones – shuffling about the boat, and he wants to be wary but figures if the boat’s crew wanted him dead or gone he already would be. His head is pounding, but he already feels better than he did by the time he finally decides to try sitting up.

 

He moves slowly, testing the pain of what he knows now to be gunshot wounds in his back as well as the throbbing in his head. Neither are unbearable. His body feels heavy, and belatedly he understands he’s been given something, likely for the pain.

 

He’s only been sitting up a few minutes, gingerly touching his sock-covered feet to the cool metal floor, when a familiar face pokes in the door. The man from earlier smiles at him.

 

“Good morning! Or really, afternoon at this point,” he admits. “It’s good to see you awake. We were starting to worry.”

 

“We?” he inquires, wondering how outnumbered he is. His voice is rough and it croaks from disuse and dehydration. The man looks sympathetic when he sees him rub at his throat.

 

“Yeah, there’s two of us that run this old girl. She isn’t much to look at but she gets us around, lets us find our catch. The name’s Jeffrey Morgan, but you can call me Jeff. My buddy’s putting together a late lunch for us at the moment; he’s James Beaver but you can call him Jim.” The man’s expression is tentative as he pauses. “Any chance your name’s come back to you, kid?”

 

He thinks for a long moment but it only makes the pounding worse and nothing springs to mind. He gently shakes his head and Jeff huffs out a breath, his lips pursed tightly together and looking concerned.

 

“Well, I’m just gonna call you ‘Kid’ then,” Jeff decides with a small smile and a chuckle to match. “Just until we get you sorted out, alright? We gotta call you something.”

 

‘Kid’ doesn’t really know what to say but he figures it’s as good a moniker as any for now. He nods, the hand that was massaging his neck moving to press at his temple. He tries not to wince when he speaks.

 

“What… what happened?” Kid looks up and Jeff’s face is grim again. 

 

“Well, it was storming something fierce the night we found you, absolutely pissing rain. And you’re the luckier for it, because if it hadn’t been we wouldn’t have been on deck so late trying to keep the ship on course and then we wouldn’t have seen you. Couldn’t believe our eyes. You were just floating in the water. Honestly, when we pulled you out we thought you were dead.” Jeff sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he sits down on the bench opposite Kid’s bed.

 

“Of course, turned out you were still breathing but you had two slugs buried in your back. We got you inside, laid you down so I could dig ‘em out. I was a medic before – back in Vietnam. I’ve seen a lot worse,” he adds, with a small quirk of his lips. “Anyway, got the bullets out, cleaned and cauterized you before I started checking you over for other injuries. That’s when I found this…” Jeff reaches into his pocket and pulls out the implant he’d shown him before. He points it at the worn, peeling white-painted wall and the red light projects a series of numbers and the words ‘Bank of Mexico.’ He lets Kid squint at it a moment before raising his eyebrows at him.

 

“This mean anything to you, Kid?”

 

“Uh… no? I mean, that’s got to be an account number but…” Kid shakes his head and hisses a little with the pain of it.

 

“Your head bothering you?” Jeff asks and Kid nods. “After we get some food in you we’ll give you another painkiller, okay? I just don’t want to give you anything else on a empty stomach.”

 

“Sounds fair,” Kid answers quietly.

 

Jeff spares another glance at the information on the wall before sighing and handing Kid the implant.

 

“So, no name, no identification on you, nothing but this.” He gestures at it where it rests in Kid’s palm. “I guess that’s your only lead then, until your memory comes back. In the meantime, you’ll be needing to get to Mexico City.”

 

Kid stares wide-eyed at the tiny object before looking back up at Jeff and hoping the panic isn’t clear on his face. He still doesn’t know where he is – is Mexico anywhere remotely close? – and what if…  _ what if he never remembers? _

 

“Hey, it’ll come back, Kid. It will. It’s just gonna take time,” Jeff says kindly, as if reading his thoughts. He leans forward to rest a reassuring hand on Kid’s shoulder. “We’re fishing the Gulf as we speak. We were closer to Florida when we found you. It’ll be another few days before we make it back to Mexico, and then Mexico City is only four hours west from there. You should use that time to rest. I’m gonna go make sure Jim’s got enough soup on for you, okay? I’ll be back. Bathroom’s through here and on your right, if you need it.” 

 

Jeff smiles kindly before taking his leave and Kid decides he might as well make his way to the bathroom, even if it’s just to splash some water on his face and stretch his legs. He’s a little unsteady as he stands and he’s careful as he makes his way, keeping a hand on the wall at all times while he gets used to the motion of the boat and the way the pain medication weighs him down.

 

He starts when he looks in the mirror. The man looking back at him is a stranger; he appears confused. Kid  _ is _ confused. He’s unsettled. It didn’t occur to him until he saw himself that he actually couldn’t picture what he looked liked before that very moment. His breath catches and he fights to keep his breathing even as he examines the unfamiliar face reflected on the glass.

 

His skin is fair and stubbled. There’s a soft dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose and along his cheekbones. His hair is a kind of dark, dirty blonde, short, but long enough to look ruffled where it sticks up every which way. He runs his hand through it just to smooth it a little. His eyes are green –  _ remarkably _ green, actually, and bright. His lashes are full and so are his lips; he smiles, watches the rise of his cheeks and then the reveal of his teeth, brilliantly white and straight. He lets his face relax and he sighs.

 

“Who are you?” he whispers to his reflection, eyes pleading. 

 

“¿Quién eres?” he asks again, startling himself.  _ Spanish? _ Okay, so… apparently, he speaks Spanish. He narrows his eyes at the mirror and tries again.

 

“Qui es-tu? Wer sind Sie?” He clenches his teeth. So, he speaks French and German, too. Still can’t remember his name, though.

 

“ _ Who are you?” _ he demands, frustrated. He stares himself down a moment, but when nothing comes to mind, he lets out an exasperated sigh and deflates, bracing himself by holding the edges of the small sink. The ache in his head is a bit dizzying and his stomach is rumbling. He leaves off interrogating himself in favour of cleaning up so he can get back to bed, the promise of soup, and sleep.

 

\---

 

Four days later, Kid is standing at the bow of the humble ship watching the Mexican coastline come closer as the sun rises behind him. The water is bright and blue, the sky clear and the breeze easy on his face as he takes in the sight. He still remembers nothing from before he woke up; the Tylenol with Codeine Jim has been giving him for his back do little for his throbbing, near-constant headache, and he is only more mystified by the continuous stream of new questions regarding his identity. Lending a hand around the boat, he discovers he can tie over fifty different kinds of knots. He speaks at least five languages that he’s figured out so far, his reflexes are impeccably sharp, and his intuition is uncanny. 

 

For example, right now he can hear someone coming up the stairs out of the cabin and knows it’s Jim without needing to turn around, just by the sound of his particular footfall. Jim stops just behind him and they stand in silence a moment before Kid feels him nudge his shoulder.

 

“What’s this?” he asks, looking at the folded bundle of American cash being held out to him.

 

“It’s not much,” Jim confesses. “But hopefully it’ll be enough to get you to some answers, maybe find someone who knows you and who can help you more.”

 

Kid takes the money with a quiet nod. He feels badly. Jim and Jeff don’t seem to have a lot, leading a simple life, but they’ve clothed him with some things of Jeff’s – a worn out black t-shirt from a Hard Rock Cafe in Miami that might even be older than he is, a pair of khaki shorts and some scuffed up old sneakers – and fed him this whole time while taking care of his wounds and giving him drugs left over from a knee surgery Jim had a few years back.   
  
“I don’t know how to thank you,” Kid admits as he tucks the money away in his pocket. “You guys saved my life. I really owe you.”   
  
Jim just quirks up the corner of his mouth.

 

“Don’t even think about it, Kid. Maybe when you figure out who you are, drop us a line or come say hi. I’m sure we’d all like to really meet you. The wives would certainly like to fuss over you,” he laughs. “It’d be worth your while.”   
  
Kid laughs with him. He can only imagine.

 

He knows even from his short time with them that Jim and Jeff have been friends since forever. They signed up and fought in the war together, stuck it out with the military after that, traveling all over the country before deciding to retire someplace quiet and warm with their wives – both of whom are named Samantha, by the way – and apparently they’ve been enjoying the Mexican sun and sand ever since.

 

They pull up to a small, private dock not too long after. Jim and Jeff don’t make any mention of him joining them inside – though the two nearby homes that Kid imagines belong to them do look inviting – as if they understand his need not to waste another second when he could be getting closer to answers. They’re still standing on the dock when Jeff gives him a small card with their numbers on it and tells him not to hesitate if he’s in need or just wants to visit. Kid fights the impulse a moment but then gives in and hugs them both, thanking them again before he sets off down the dirt laneway to the main road where Jeff told him he should be able to find someone and hitch a ride. 

 

When he leaves, he can feel the weight of their concerned stares as they watch him go. Kid might not know anything about himself but even after his brief time with them, receiving their generous hospitality, he knows Jeff and Jim are good people. As he walks away, he sincerely hopes that they’ll meet again.

 

\---

 

Jared carefully sets down his fresh mug of coffee on his desk and drops into his office chair with an audible  _ huff _ . He flips through the pile of notes in his hand and sighs at the near-illegibility of his own hurried hand. He hasn’t changed from the old t-shirt and pajama pants he slept in last night and as he wearily rests his handwritten pages in his lap, he takes in the familiar disarray before him. Papers lay strewn about the broad, wooden surface, covering any space not already occupied by stacks of old books, half-eaten bags of candy, his laptop – which is resting precariously close to the far corner – or his coffee. His hair is still mussed from sleep and he imagines he slightly resembles the messy scene. He spies the official documents reminding him he needs to renew his visa if he wants to stay in the country peaking out from under more pages of notes. They’ve been sitting there half-buried among the other papers for the better part of two weeks and he really can’t put off dealing with them any longer. He has to go into the Embassy later today and see if he can buy himself a little more time. 

 

The thought of all the work he still has left to do on his thesis and the money he definitely doesn’t have makes him groan. Instead of pulling at his hair or letting his face fall to the desk like he’s inclined to do, he sighs and reaches for his creamy, sugar-rich coffee.

 

The door to the apartment opens just as he lifts it to his mouth and he startles, spilling scalding hot coffee down his front and all over his lap.

 

“Jared, hey! Are you–” Genevieve starts as she walks in but Jared cuts her off when he cries out, cursing, and stands abruptly, a dripping coffee cup in one hand and the other trying to pull his soaked shirt away from his skin to keep it from burning him. 

 

“Shit,” she mutters as she comes running over, grabbing a tea towel from the kitchen on her way. She trades the towel for what’s left of the coffee, putting her other hand under the mug so she can stop it from dripping onto the floor, doing her best to keep it away from all the paperwork on Jared’s desk. She scurries back to the kitchen to wipe off and refill his cup and by the time she returns, Jared’s sitting down again with the tea towel in hand, legs sprawled, chest and lap wet, looking completely defeated. 

 

“Typical!” he says, exasperated, as Gen comes over with his new coffee and a small smile.

 

“Sorry I startled you,” she apologizes. “But I can’t be held accountable if you happen to be clumsy as a freakin’ moose.” 

 

Gen puts the coffee mug down in the only tiny free space she can find on his desk and leans forward to kiss his forehead. 

 

“Dude. Did you just get up?” She looks at him then like she’s looking at him for the first time since coming home, really taking in the telltale rumpled state of his hair and clothing. He frowns at her, equally accusing. She  _ knows _ he was up til an ungodly hour working on his proposal – the one that needs to get approved so he can afford to renew his visa – and she tosses her hands up in defence.

 

“Okay, okay! Yeesh. It’s only  _ lunchtime _ , sorry for asking. I wanted to know if you’re going into the University this afternoon?” 

 

Jared sighs again and sips gratefully – and carefully – at his coffee while Gen flops down on the couch nearest him.

 

“No, I’m not. At least, I doubt it. I can only assume going to the Embassy to talk about my visa and try and explain about my proposal will involve a lot of waiting in lines and getting nowhere fast.”

 

Gen winces sympathetically.

 

“Well, you probably want to shower first considering you look like you just rolled out of bed and into a pool of coffee. I’m just saying!” She defends herself against Jared’s dramatic eye roll. “You want to look  _ somewhat _ credible, right? Of course you do. Get going, Padalecki. You’re losing daylight here. Take that coffee with you! I’m not sure you’ll make it out alive otherwise.”   
  
Jared groans, resigned, as he gets back up and starts toward the bathroom with his mug in hand.    
  
“Just don’t try to balance it on the edge of bathtub again!” Gen calls after him, laughing, just as he closes the door and shuts out her giggles. 

 

He sighs when he catches his reflection in the mirror. He does look a bit wild – hair  _ everywhere _ – and he hasn’t shaved in a few days, which coupled with that does make him look maybe a little bit homeless. Not to mention the bags under his eyes – heaven forbid he have the sleeping habits of a normal, healthy person – which definitely don’t help him look any more alive than he feels, though the coffee will help once it kicks in. 

 

He turns on the water to as hot as he can stand it and peels out of his coffee-soaked clothes. He sets his razor inside the shower, inspired by Gen’s words still fresh in his mind, something about looking credible. The small room starts to fill with steam and he sighs again as he slips behind the shower curtain. He’s really not looking forward to going into the Embassy.   
  
\---

 

Kid hitches a ride into the city on the back of a truck otherwise filled with fresh produce. He hadn’t needed to wait too long as he walked away from Jeff’s little village – not because there were plenty of cars (there weren’t) but because the first driver that came by was happy to let him hop in the back. His ‘chauffeur’ is friendly enough and the drive is easy if not a little bumpy, and by the time they reach Mexico City, Kid is tired of the quiet and wants to get out of his own head. The ever-present headache is pounding again as he waves and walks away from his ride, and no matter how hard he tries not to think about who he is, his mind remains fixated on the questions, only to always come up blank. The exercise is emotionally exhausting and makes the pain worse, so walking the streets proves to be a welcome distraction. 

 

Kid notices  _ everything _ . He’s not sure how he knows it’s not normal but he just…  _ does. _ He can tell that the people he passes on the street, for one thing, certainly do not see everything he sees. They’re all walking or chatting, focused on their conversation or the next step but there’s so much  _ more _ that Kid sees. He sees all of them – all the people – each face in his field of view, and he finds himself surmising things about each of them. This woman is in her fifties, she’s worried about her daughters and hasn’t been eating right; this man is 230 pounds and ex-military or an off-duty cop, confident, capable of handling himself; that guy, he’s seen better days, looks a little desperate, maybe a little dangerous, but also frail and absolutely not a threat to Kid, even if he might be a little strung out. Kid could take him easily, even if he doesn’t know why he knows that. It’s unsettling but he can’t seem to turn it off, the way he sees a person and then just  _ knows _ things. 

 

He’s aware of where he’s come from and the direction he’s going in. He gets directions from a vendor for the Bank of Mexico’s main branch, but as he walks along he notices himself keeping track of alleys and side streets.  _ Exit strategy _ , his brain supplies. He’s not sure what for. It unnerves him, how perceptive he is, how ready he feels to bolt at any moment, even though he isn’t sure why he should. 

 

It takes him another hour to get to the bank. The back of his t-shirt is sticking to him and the air conditioning is so much cooler so quickly that his skin pebbles up the moment he steps inside. He’s surveying the place before he can give it another thought, noting the exit signs, number of tellers, searching out any threats from the people waiting in line or at the ATMs, and sizing up the quality of the security guards on either side of the inside door.    
  
The woman at the welcome desk smiles at him and he walks over, wiping his sweaty forehead on the back of his left hand.

 

“¿Podría ver mi caja de seguridad? ¿Por favor?” he asks after his safe deposit box and she continues smiling at him, nodding.

 

“Claro que s í . ¿ Y el número?” She asks him for the number and he recites it from memory. Upon hearing it, her eyes go wide and she surveys him from head to toe as if she’s a little surprised. She looks apologetic and a little nervous when she speaks again.

 

“Por supuesto, señor. Por favor, sígueme por aquí.” She gestures for Kid to follow her, so he does. They’re quiet as she leads him past the line of tellers and into the back. They go through a glass door and up a flight of stairs that let out into a large room with a dedicated security desk.

 

“Por favor, señor, espere un momento aquí.” She leaves him briefly to speak with the security guard who has been eyeing him since the moment they arrived. Eventually the man nods and she waves Kid over.

 

“Coloque la mano aquí, señor.” The guard directs Kid to place his hand on what looks like a kind of scanner built into his desk. Kid does, and the smooth, dark glass lights up bright blue as it scans his hand. Kid anxiously awaits the moment everything buzzes red and alarms go off; he’s on the edge and ready to put the heel of his other hand into the nose of the guard and run for the stairs but the blue light disappears, a green light blinks next to his hand, and the man nods as he reaches for the keyring locked onto his utility belt.

 

“Por aquí, señor.”   
  
Kid follows the guard past the security desk and the man leads him to a small curtained room with a table and chair, gesturing for him to sit.   
  
“Me vuelvo en un momento con su caja.”   
  
“Gracias,” he thanks the guard as he leaves to retrieve the safe deposit box.  Kid takes his seat. He’s anxious – hopeful – for some answers but there’s a persistent sense of everything being a little off. He can’t remember ever having been here before, like everything else, and it continues to unnerve him.    
  
He doesn’t have to wait long for the man to return and he quickly puts the deposit box on the table, unlocked but unopened.   
  
“Señor,” he nods as he leaves, ensuring the curtain is closed behind him.

 

Kid holds his breath and his hand trembles almost imperceptibly as he opens the box.   
  
He breathes a shaky sigh of relief as his eyes pour over the contents. The first thing he grabs is an American passport, quickly throwing it open.    
  
“Jensen Ross Ackles.” He tries the name in his mouth, saying the words slowly and quietly. They don’t ring any bells but they still feel good. He has a name. His name is Jensen. His passport says he was born in Dallas, Texas, on the first of March, and he’s thirty-two years old, which is what he’d guessed. He wonders if that’s because he remembers, somewhere deep down, or just because of his intuition.   
  
There’s a pair of glasses as well, though as he tries them on he’s not sure what they’re for because his vision seems to be just fine. There’s some paperwork, too, airplane tickets, travel insurance, credit cards – all under his name – a watch that he immediately slides onto his left wrist, and a Swiss army knife that he tucks into his back pocket. When he leafs through some of the papers, he finds a lease for a Jeep with an address for him in Austin.    
  
“So I live in Texas still,” he muses, trying to imagine it past the flaring ache behind his eyes. He sighs and wonders what brought him to the Gulf just as he notices that the items he’s looking at are seated in a tray. There could be more underneath. He instinctively knows how to unlatch the tray but almost drops it when he sees what it was hiding.    
  
“Shit,” he curses under his breath and steadies the box on the table, placing the tray next to it. The bottom compartment is filled with stacks of American cash, half a dozen passports, and a handgun.  _ A gun _ . Jensen is shaking all over now. He throws a glance over his shoulder even though he knows the curtain is closed, and listens a moment for movement or footsteps on the other side. He hears nothing and turns his attention back to the newly revealed contents, reaching out an unsteady hand for the passports. 

 

Canada, Germany, Mexico, Italy, Spain, Russia – all with his picture but with different names. Jensen’s heart is thudding hard in his chest as he tries to understand what this means. He can’t – he can’t possibly be all these people. How– why– is he… He swallows thickly. He’s not sure there can be a good reason for this and he’s suddenly not sure he wants to know. He makes himself take a deep breath and scans the tiny room. There’s a cloth bag lining the waste basket. He takes it out and stuffs the money and his American passport inside. He replaces the tray, fighting his shaky hands, hiding the gun and extra passports underneath like before. He closes the box and turns, pausing at the curtain, trying to listen over the sound of his own blood pumping furiously in his ears, then takes another deep breath and slips out, putting on a calm, easy expression. He walks with purpose towards the exit, and somehow he knows it’s just the right speed, the right set to his shoulders and hips to look casual and inconspicuous. 

 

As he passes the security desk, the bag of his belongings held firmly in his hand, Jensen shares a smile and nod with the guard, and he thinks he’s made it past the worst of it as he heads back down the stairs.

 

He doesn’t see the guard reach for his personal cell phone after he’s out of sight.

 

\---

 

Jensen is relieved the moment he steps out of the bank, but his body remains tense. He feels like he’s on high alert. If he thought he was paying attention before, it hardly compares to the way his eyes keep scanning the crowd now.    
  
He continues to walk as if he has a purpose though he hasn’t figured out exactly what his plan is. His lead is Austin, so that’s where he’s got to go, but that’s a two-day drive, so he’s got to get a car, or… he still doesn’t know the why of it but he  has a strong inclination not to draw attention to himself if he can avoid it. The gun and passports in his safe deposit box have his mind going a million miles a minute with possibilities and most of them are, frankly, frightening. He’s only just started to try to push those thoughts aside in favour of finding a place to lay low a minute, maybe eat something and hash out specifics, when he sees them.    
  
There are two cops standing on different street corners peering at him over the crowd. He turns his head to look at the stall of a street vendor for a moment, pretending to pour over a map, while keeping his focus on the cops. They’re speaking to each other without words, tilting their heads in his direction and nodding. Jensen can see a third approaching from another street. He’s not sure what he’s done to warrant the attention, but it’s just another thing he’s not entirely keen to learn at this point. All he knows is that the way they’re trying to sneak up on him  – though poorly executed  – does not bode well. 

 

He takes off in the direction leading away from the policemen, looking forward over the heads of the crowd to side streets and all his options for escape. He hasn’t moved more than maybe twenty feet when in the distance on his right he sees the American flag proudly swaying in the light breeze over the door of an impressive stone building; it’s the consulate. It wasn’t his first thought when he imagined a place to lay low, but it’ll definitely do the trick, at least right now.    
  
Keeping an eye on the cops that are trying to catch up with him through the crowd without making a scene, Jensen makes his way to the Embassy, digging his passport out of his bag as he goes. Getting there is difficult due to the sheer volume of people and the traffic on the streets; the cops are closing in because their uniforms make people give way much more readily than his indistinct t-shirt and shorts. As he reaches the door, his passport held up, the Marine nods and ushers him in, and not a moment too soon. Standing inside the air conditioned lobby of the Embassy, Jensen turns to look through the glass door as the three cops nearly collide on the other side of it. Jensen notices the way the Marine’s eyebrows go up when he looks between them but Jensen just shrugs and looks confused as he moves further into the Embassy.

 

He can take his time now that there’s no one on his tail, so he does. He stands off in the corner, his bag still clasped fiercely in hand, and surveys the room while making a show of fiddling with his watch. There doesn’t seem to be much out of the ordinary – people in lineups waiting, people talking to tellers, Marines at doorways and flags here and there. He figures he’s got some time to kill, out-waiting the cops outside, so he might as well get in line, too. Hell, maybe he can even ask the teller about his passport, check when he came into the country last.   
  
He gets in line and passes the time watching people, making assessments, until his eyes drift to a guy talking animatedly with a teller off to Jensen’s right. He’s young, maybe 28, tall – taller than Jensen by at least a few inches – and his longish hair is smooth and looks soft; he keeps tucking it back – a nervous tick – without seeming to notice how often he’s pushing one of his hands through it. Jensen’s eyes land on his mouth and his lips are a wet, bitten pink like he’s been worrying them between his teeth, and just as he thinks it might be odd that he notices that, Jensen feels something stir low in his gut, hot and– _oh_. Well. He clears his throat and shifts a little, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to get a grip. He forces his body under control even as he lets his eyes fall down the long line of the guy’s body, which is – well, he’s fit, anyway. Jensen can tell the guy is strong by the curves of the muscles in his arms and calves. He’s sockless in his worn leather boat shoes, wearing khaki shorts and a pressed, short sleeve, plaid button-down. There’s paperwork in the hand that isn’t near-constantly in his own hair and his expression tells Jensen that his patience has run out and maybe so has his luck. He looks tired, a little desperate, maybe dejected. He’s far enough away that Jensen can only hear the occasional word over the din of the people in the room; there’s talk of money and visas and a proposal, but not enough for Jensen to put together a detailed story. He tunes out the voices then and shamelessly lets his eyes linger on the curve of the guy’s ass and– _if there was any doubt_... he chuckles to himself under his breath and shifts again on the spot. He finally tears his eyes away from Pretty Boy so his body will behave better and not two seconds later he’s cursing himself for entertaining the distraction.

 

There’s a mirror on the far wall and out of the corner of his eye Jensen can see a Mexican cop talking to one of the Marines, some papers in his hand as he nods in Jensen’s direction.

 

_ Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. _   
  
Jensen takes a deep breath and casually steps out of line, moving away from the doors and toward a hallway leading further into the Embassy. He knows he hasn’t got much time before they catch up. 

 

The crowd thins as he gets further away from the public area and approaches some metal detectors and another guard. The guard watches him as he steps through the security arch and nods when the machine beeps favourably. Jensen is just about to step away when two Marines push through the crowd and into the hallway, gesturing to the guard next to him and pointing.    
  
The nearest guard shares a wide-eyed look with him for half a beat and then his hand falls to the gun at his hip and Jensen is moving before he has even a chance to second-guess. He reaches for the gun with one hand and throws the elbow of his other arm up and into the guard’s face. The guard recoils and Jensen  – he has the gun now  – flicks off the safety like he knows what he’s doing, and then drops the butt of it down swiftly into the guard’s temple. The man crumples to the floor and Jensen fires two warning shots at the feet of the Marines coming after him before taking off. He can hear people scream as the shots echo and all Hell is officially breaking loose as he turns the next closest corner. 

 

He doesn’t even feel like he’s thinking right now, more like he’s moving on autopilot. He rips a fire route escape plan off the wall as he passes it and moves calmly while people run past him, exiting offices and clearly starting an evacuation. He’s studying the map as he walks and looks up just as a guard steps in front of him; they almost collide. The guys blinks and Jensen is grabbing his head and bringing his knee up before the guy even has a chance. Jensen lets him drop to the floor and squats next to him, stealing his radio and its earpiece. He juggles the map, gun, and his bag as he puts the earbud in and clips the radio onto the back of his pants. He ducks into the stairwell just ahead of him and pauses behind the closed door, listening through it and to the voices giving directions over the radio.    
  
He finds their positions on his makeshift map and darts up the stairs looking for the first unguarded door. They’re moving fast and he’s got to stay one step ahead of them at least. His only option at this point is the roof.

 

He manages to get there without being seen but it’s only a matter of time before they’ll hit the roof, too. He tosses the map and the gun down into the alley behind the building so they land in the dumpster below and scans the nearby buildings. They’re too far for him to jump to. He doesn’t know how he knows, but he’s willing to trust his gut and not give it a go. He looks down; it must be five stories up. If he gave himself time to think about it that might make his stomach flutter, but instead he notices how the stones that make up the building’s facade are large and cut deep. There’s more than enough room for his hands and feet. 

 

He puts the bag with his money and passport in his teeth and sits on the edge of the roof, wasting no time supporting himself with both hands, turning around and easing himself down until his feet find the first ledge. He settles into the position before moving to the right and down to the next ledge, when he hears the door on the roof open. He stills and listens to the shuffle of bodies.   
  
There’s hushed voices as the guards must take in the sight of the empty roof. Jensen looks up and sees the toe of a boot just peeking over the edge and he knows they’re checking the other roofs that they can see. He doesn’t have to wait them out long. They’re only up there maybe thirty seconds before someone gives the order to go back inside and they disappear.    
  
Jensen breathes a sigh of relief around the canvas bag stuck in his mouth and returns his focus to getting back on the ground. The wall he’s scaling is at the back of building and he’s fortunate  – no foot traffic in the alley means he gets all the way down without being seen.    
  
Once he’s got both feet on the ground again, he flexes his hands and dusts them off on his shorts, then takes his bag and starts for the main road. He’s got to get to Austin and he’s got to do it quietly. Public transit is going to be near impossible. He huffs out a breath in frustration as he realizes it. His options are few and far between; he might have to steal a car or –

 

Jensen stops. He’s rounded the corner and, standing not ten feet in front of him is Pretty Boy. He’s got one hand on the roof of what Jensen assumes is his red Ford Fiesta  – how he fits in that thing Jensen is not entirely sure  – and he’s talking on his cell phone looking exasperated.   
  
“I know, Gen, but they can’t get blood from a stone, you know? I just need a few more months. I’m so close and – ” he pauses as whoever he’s talking to must be giving him an earful. He looks positively defeated. Jensen is fighting the distraction of the guy’s sad looking eyes when those same eyes suddenly flash up and meet his. Jensen lets himself look as sheepish as he feels getting caught staring and, giving Pretty Boy a tentative, shy smile, he waves his fingers like an idiot.    
  
He notices how Pretty Boy’s eyes go wide and then sweep over him, down and up again lightning quick. His cheeks turn a little pink and then he’s stuttering into his phone again.

 

“Gen – I g-gotta go. I’ll call you back.” He hangs up the call and blinks at Jensen a few times, his phone in one hand and both of them helping brace him against his car now.

 

“Hi?” Pretty Boy manages to get out but it’s rough so he has to clear his throat. Suddenly, Jensen realizes this is a near-sure shot. Of all the people in all the world to bump into when he needs to beg for a ride, he finds this guy, who not only could use some of the money Jensen’s got in his bag, but also very clearly swings Jensen’s way. This will be his ticket out of Mexico and it’s going to be so much easier than he thought it would be.   
  
“Hi,” Jensen smiles genuinely, taking a step towards Pretty Boy as he does. “Look, I don’t mean to be some kind of eavesdropping creep but – I heard you, back in the Embassy? And I think… I think we could help each other.”   
  
Pretty Boy keeps blinking at him, that pink in his cheeks deepening a little more, and Jensen feels that echo in his gut again. For a split second it occurs to him that maybe this is a bad idea, but he doesn’t exactly have a lot of choices, and then Pretty Boy is finally talking.

 

“Help each other? How do you mean?” He looks wary but also intrigued. 

 

“You could use some money, right?” Jensen ventures, and while Pretty Boy narrows his eyes, Jensen can tell that he’s hit the nail right on the head. “I’ve – well, I’ve got money. What I need is a ride.”   
  
“A ride?” Pretty Boy echos, still looking skeptical.

 

“Yeah. To Austin.” Jensen offers and Pretty Boy starts, then lets out a disbelieving laugh.

 

“As in  _ Texas _ ? That’s a two-day drive from here!” he exclaims.

 

“I know. I know it is,” Jensen says, and when he continues he makes a little of his own desperation evident in his voice, sincere. “I know it’s far. Seriously though. I will pay you.”   
  
He tosses a stack of bills from his bag before Pretty Boy can say anything else and he barely catches it, fumbling it in his hands before he can look it over, and when he looks back at Jensen his eyes are giant.   
  
“This – this is – ”   
  
“Ten-thousand. Yeah. And I’ll give you another ten when we get to Austin. I’m good for it, I swear. Please.”   
  
Pretty Boy stares at him like he’s out of his mind but can’t keep dropping his eyes to the money in his hands and Jensen can tell he’s considering it.    
  
The sound of a police siren getting closer reaches Jensen’s ears and he turns away from the end of the road that meets the main street, bringing his arm up to run through his hair as he hides his face. There’s a long moment of silence and when he looks back at Pretty Boy from under his arm he knows he saw.   
  
Pretty Boy is looking at him and then back in the direction of the siren, and then back to the money in his hands. He takes a final long look at Jensen like he’s trying to decide how likely it is that Jensen is armed, if he looks too dangerous for him to handle. Pretty Boy may be big and built but Jensen knows he’s no threat to him. He tries to appear small and non-threatening as Pretty Boy keeps looking him over, biting at his lip.

 

“I won’t give you any trouble, I swear. I just – I really… I need to get home,” Jensen’s voice is almost a whisper at the end and as he says it he’s almost surprised at how desperately he really means it. He’s completely lost and it’s the only place he has to go.

 

Finally, Pretty Boy sighs. 

 

“I’m Jared,” he says, resigned, and offers his hand. Jensen takes it and doesn’t even try to school the grin that spreads across his face in relief. 

 

“Jensen,” he says as he enthusiastically shakes Jared’s hand. He wishes he wasn’t paying so much attention, given the subtle heat Jensen feels ripple through him at the touch, but it’s not surprising the way he notices the details, just like with everything else. It’s big  – Jared’s hand  – bigger than his, and softer than his, too, for the most part. Jensen’s hands are rough  – he has some scary notions as to why, after the last few hours  – but he can feel the calluses where Jared presses too hard against his pen and can tell that for all the muscle he’s sporting the man whose hand is in his is more of an academic than anything. He refuses to let himself think about Jared’s hands after this moment.

 

“I can’t thank you enough,” Jensen offers instead as they let go and he moves toward the passenger side of the little hatchback. 

 

Jared huffs out a small laugh as he opens his door and pauses with one foot in the car to look over it at Jensen. 

 

“I’m pretty sure I’m going to regret this but I really need this money so thank  _ you _ , I guess. Let’s just – let’s get going, okay?” 

 

Jared seems to mean it when he says thanks, but Jensen’s stomach twists at how unsure he sounds by the time he’s done talking. It’s definitely a bit wild, picking up a complete stranger like this, but Jensen doesn’t want people to look at him like Jared did just then, with that echo of fear in their eyes.

 

Jensen just nods and quietly gets into the car. The whole frame dips loudly under the weight of both of them and Jensen notes that there’s barely an inch of room between the top of Jared’s head and the car’s roof and he can’t help but smirk a little to himself at how absurd it is that this giant drives this thing; he practically makes it look like a clown car. 

 

Jensen watches as Jared pauses with his hand on the key in the ignition. He can almost hear Jared thinking, giving himself the  _ this is it, last chance _ talk before he finally sighs again and turns on the vehicle. Jensen doesn’t say a word as they drive away.


	2. Chapter 2

Jared is jittery. The car is silent as he makes his way out of the city to the highway that will take them north. He feels like he missed his opportunity to turn the radio on right at the outset and now it’s just him and Jensen  – a complete freaking stranger who, besides being the most gorgeous man Jared has ever seen, by the way, must be at least half-cracked if not all the way cracked because he is paying an outrageous amount of money for a ride, which really, why does he have all that cash, and more importantly, why is he spending so much of it on a ride from Jared when he could just buy a bus or plane ticket?  _ Because he obviously can’t take a bus or plane, idiot _ , his brain answers readily and it doesn’t stop there.  _ Because the  _ police _ are after him  _ _ – _ _ you fucking saw it and you took the money anyway you  _ moron _ what were you thinking?! _

 

Jared can feel how wide his eyes are and the heavy silence between them in his very tiny car and he has to stop thinking, now, before his brain starts to wonder how much trouble this Jensen is really, and is it the kind of trouble he’d kill Jared for for having seen his face and –

 

“So Austin, huh?” Jared blurts out of nowhere, a desperate attempt to stop the derailment which is currently ongoing in his brain. Jensen looks startled for a moment and maybe... pained? Jared can’t tell because just as he looks over at him in the passenger seat his expression changes back to something neutral and he simply nods.

 

“Yeah,” he answers quietly. A beat goes by, then another, and the silence is back. Jared swallows hard and subconsciously passes an unsteady hand through his hair before gripping the steering wheel again even harder so that maybe Jensen won’t notice how his hands are shaking.    
  
“I’m actually from there,” Jared continues, and that nagging voice in his brain is back.  _ Great, just fucking great. Tell him where your family is, very smart. And also, really, it’s a long drive, you should go on ahead and tell him your life story. _ He can hear the sarcasm of his own thoughts but Jensen is still just quietly nodding and the next thing Jared knows –

 

“My parents are both still – well, we’re  _ from _ there, but we traveled a lot, so I didn’t actually live there much of the time. They’re retired there now but – see, they’re researchers. Well, Dad was a professor, actually, but that’s primarily research when it’s not teaching – teaching so you can do research, really – and Mom studied the same stuff  – MesoAmerican studies  – it’s how they met. Anyway...”

 

The scared, unsure part of Jared’s brain that doesn’t quite know how to cope with the beautiful-possibly-dangerous-definitely-bad-idea sitting next him heard  _ life story _ and ran with it. Jared starts talking and he just can’t stop. They’ve been on the road for nearly two hours and Jared is still talking, he’s really only dimly aware of it himself except his mouth is getting super dry and he could really use some water. Those thoughts just start to creep into his mind when he also realizes Jensen has been gazing out the window while casting him the occasional glance with no words whatsoever this entire time. What’s left of him to be unsettled is officially that, his stomach is tight and feels like it’s doing backflips, so between that and his overwhelming thirst Jared just kind of… runs out of words.

 

“... so my research has actually been going really well, I mean I love UNAM  – it’s a great school and my advisor is great  – but it’s really tedious so I need more time and Gen is doing her best but I’m teaching and she’s got TA work, too, so…”    
  
Jared trails off. He takes a few deep breaths and they feel like they’re the first real ones he’s taken since he sat down in the car. He can’t even remember if there’s any water in the bottle in his bag in the backseat. Not that he can reach it anyway, so he supposes it doesn’t even matter. He finally has enough air in his lungs that he can sigh as he looks along the highway, at all the dust and bare brush and the clear, endless blue sky.

 

“...so what are you going to do?”  
  
Jared’s eyes snap right. Jensen hasn’t moved much, is still cradling his head in his right hand and has it pressed to the glass of the window, but he’s looking right at Jared and– wow, his eyes are so _green_ it’s like – _Jesus, Jared! Focus!_ It’s the first thing the guy has said in hours and Jared doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

 

“Sorry?” Jared sputters, confused.   
  
“Your thesis. The work you still need to do. What’s your plan? You’re going to use the money on the new visa, right?” Jensen asks and there’s a tone to his voice like Jared is the daft one for not knowing what he was talking about. Jared just stares at him because all this time –

 

“I didn’t think you were listening,” Jared says before he can stop himself. Jensen looks withdrawn and before he can respond Jared continues. “I – I’m sorry. I mean, this is crazy. It’s crazy, right? I’m completely off the map here and, I’m not going to lie to you, shitting my pants a little bit because you’re – well, Jesus, you’re beautiful you have to know that but you’ve got to have something going on, right? I mean, who pays twenty-grand for a ride to Austin?!” Jared’s voice has gone up a few octaves without his permission and he’s on a roll now.

 

“Then there’s me, who apparently  _ accepts _ twenty-grand for a ride to Austin and I’m still not sure how that happened but then here we are in my car and we’re well on our way out of Mexico City and I’ve been more or less nervous-talking  _ at you _ for the better part of two hours while you sit there, haven’t said a word, you’ve barely looked at me, and Jesus Christ – ” Jared makes himself stop and he’s panting a little to catch his breath. “Fuck, I’m sorry.” 

 

Jensen has watched him intently for the entirely of his outburst, and now that he has the man’s attention, it’s unnerving in a different way entirely. It’s one thing to have this thing of beauty sitting next to him looking distant and uninvolved, but there’s such a sincerity to his gaze and _goddamnit_ he’s so good-looking and Jared’s twitchy with adrenaline and his dick is dumb enough not to know he’s maybe in danger, only knows that Jensen is everything he’s ever wanted to look at, ever. Between the uncomfortable heat between his legs and Jensen’s focused attention and his ridiculous inability to _shut up_ – Jared is, actually, sorry and still feeling very much like a fish out of water.  
  
“Jared, it– it’s okay, really. Don’t apologize. It is a weird situation and I’m sorry if I’m freaking you out. I know you have to take my word for it but I’m seriously not going to hurt you. I just– haven’t really gotten to talk to anyone a lot lately and my head – it aches? So much, all the time. Just fucking pounds and sometimes it’s hard to think but you’ve been talking and it– it’s relaxing, actually. My head hurts less just listening to you. So please, don’t– don’t stop.”  
  
Jared doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath while Jensen talks until he stops and he finally inhales and it’s a bit of a rush. He really does have to take Jensen’s word for it but looking at him now, the way Jensen is looking back at him and his eyes– _fuck_. Jared really is in trouble. He takes another deep breath and swallows thickly, nodding a little. He knows he shouldn’t but he does feel better after what Jensen said and he’s suddenly also worried for him, while relieved at the same time. It sucks that Jensen is hurting and Jared has so many questions but he can’t bring himself to ask any of them and Jensen said he  – Jared – made him feel better so… that’s good, right? It feels good to Jared. His stomach has relaxed and he doesn’t think his hands are shaking now that he dares to loosen his grip.

 

“Okay.” Jared is quiet, and he knows Jensen asked him to keep talking, but suddenly he’s not sure what to say. When he looks over at Jensen, the man’s face is relaxed. His expression is not tight or strained the way it might have been when they first started out, which Jared only notices now because he’s really looking for it. Jensen has freckles, too. A really light kind of sprinkling of them across his nose and the pretty set of his cheekbones. There are echoes of crinkles at his eyes  – they’re soft now, like his expression  – and Jared imagines they must be because of how he looks when he  _ really _ smiles. He wants to see that.    
  
He’s well aware of the dangerous turn of his thoughts, focusing on all the little things that make Jensen so damned beautiful, but now that his fear is somewhat abated, Jared isn’t sure how to rein them in. He tries to think of something else to say that isn’t a prying question into Jensen’s life, when Jensen’s stomach growls. Loudly.

 

“Um,” Jensen starts, looking embarrassed. “Sorry.”   
  
Jared looks at the clock on the dash. It’s late afternoon.

 

“Have you eaten?” Jared asks, even though the answer is obvious, going by the sounds Jensen’s stomach was making. 

 

Jensen just looks at him apologetically and it’s enough of an admission as any. Jared just hopes he ate  _ something _ today.

 

“My bag is behind my seat, if you can reach it. There should be some food in there. For twenty-grand I’m pretty sure you can help yourself.”

 

Jared smiles and it’s surprisingly easy. Jensen lets out a small chuckle and for just a moment those crinkles at his eyes get deeper and Jared sighs a little inside for the way they make him want to reach out and touch. Instead, he clears his throat, keeps both hands on the wheel, and watches Jensen lean and dig around behind him in the rear view. 

 

“Is  _ this _ supposed to be food?” Jensen sits back upright in his seat after having rummaged around in Jared’s things and he’s holding Jared’s brand new, unopened bag of Haribo gummy bears, looking at Jared incredulously, with his eyebrows raised and a quirk at the corner of his mouth.

 

Jared scoffs and throws a hand to his chest, affronted.

 

“Those are  _ quality  _ gummies, Jensen. I don’t just share them with anyone. This is what real money gets you.”   
  
Jensen blinks at him a second and then starts laughing  – real, full-out laughter  that moves his whole body. He tosses his head back and his eyes close and those damn  _ crinkles _ – Jared would get distracted by more but Jensen’s laughter is contagious and all the tension of the last few hours seems to evaporate entirely as Jared gives in, laughing deliriously, and by the time they’ve stopped Jared is wiping his eyes and Jensen’s hand is clutching at his stomach. 

 

“God, that felt good,” Jensen says, still a little breathless as he pulls open the bag of gummies and tosses one in his mouth before holding the bag out for Jared to do the same. “I don’t remember the last time I laughed like that.”

 

Jensen seems somber all of sudden, especially after their outburst, and it makes Jared get serious, too. Jensen slowly eats another couple gummy bears and Jared worries his bottom lip between his teeth. He can see that Jensen is thinking, considering something, and it looks like he wants to talk.

 

“The truth is... Jared, I don’t actually remember anything.” 

 

Jensen looks genuinely frightened when Jared glances over at him. He looks lost, and Jared doesn’t know anything about him, but he really,  _ really  _ wants to help him feel found again.   
  
“What do you mean…  _ anything _ ?”

 

Jensen sighs and looks down at his lap where he’s holding the bag of gummies for a moment before he looks back up at Jared.

 

“I mean I don’t remember who I am. Until today I didn’t even know my own name.”   
  
Jared just stares at him, completely unsure what to say. He knew there was  _ something _ up with this guy but this – this is  _ wow. _ He did  _ not _ see this coming. He can tell Jensen is going to continue and so he waits quietly, giving Jensen the space to sort out his thoughts and words.

 

“A week ago, a couple of fishermen pulled me out of the Gulf of Mexico. They thought I was dead. Turns out I’d been shot. Twice, in the back. The one guy was a medic back in Vietnam so he patched me up. They fed me, clothed me, sent me on my way when we hit the mainland. But Jared… I don’t remember a single thing from before they pulled me out of the water. My name, where I’m from, nothing. All I had on me was a bank account number, and that lead me to the Bank of Mexico and a safe deposit box. That’s where I got the money. And my passport, so my name, too. Except…”

 

Jensen looks genuinely anxious now. He fidgets his fingers in his lap and Jared is reeling trying to keep up already, but there’s clearly more.

 

“In the safe deposit box… there were other passports, too. Lots of them. Different names, different countries, all with my picture. And… and a gun.”   
  
Jensen breathes deeply and gives that some time to sink in. Jared is definitely on edge again  – his body wants to be frightened, standing at the edge of fight-or-flight  – but when he dares to look over at Jensen he sees a man who looks terrified, too.    
  
“And that's not it. As if it’s not bad enough I was shot, that I’ve got a gun and all those passports, but I can – I can  _ do _ things, Jared. It was me, in the Embassy, that fired those shots and set off the alarms. After I left the bank some police were tailing me and I thought I’d lost them in the consulate but they came in with some documents, talked to the Marines about me. I don’t even know  _ why _ . And then when they came after me and – it just, happened. I got away, obviously, but I did things  – I hurt people. I did things that I don’t know how I know how to do. And, um,” he keeps talking, quickly, like if he’s fast enough the last confession won’t scare Jared into pulling the car over and asking Jensen to leave. “I speak Spanish and German and half a dozen other languages, too. I don’t know  _ how _ I know them. I just do.”

 

Jensen finally pauses, swallows hard.

 

“And I know stuff about people. I just – read them, or something. Like – like you.”    
  
Jensen looks uncomfortable, and his eyes are pleading. He bites his lip and stares at Jared through his lashes, like he’s begging Jared to ask what he means. Jared can barely breathe but he can’t resist Jensen either.

 

“What about me?” Jared whispers. Jensen closes his eyes a moment and nods as he starts to answer.  
  
“I saw you, in the Embassy, heard you talking, knew you needed money. Before you told me everything, I knew. I could tell that while you work hard on your body, you’re not an athlete, you’re an academic. I know you write your notes by hand, maybe you’re old-fashioned, or maybe you’re a bit clumsy and one too many laptops have become casualties over the years, so you do paper first. And the moment I saw you look at me in the alley…” He looks away now and Jared’s heart is in his throat, thudding like a jackhammer. “I knew you were gay.”  
  
Jensen sighs and the hand in his lap tightens into a fist.   
  
“I knew you were sizing me up, trying to guess if you could take me if it turned out I was dangerous – which is another thing, you definitely couldn’t, because I definitely think I am – but I knew you’d take my offer and I knew that my life was a mess – even if I don’t know a single thing about it besides that – when I asked for your help. But… it’s just a ride. It’s just a ride, and then you can get your visa and get back to your research, and everything is going to be okay. And this is the least my head has hurt since I woke up so… so I’m not sorry. I’m glad it was you – that you said yes – and I’d really, really like it if you would keep talking because I haven’t slept right in days and I think… I think I just might be able to if I can listen to your voice, even in this ridiculously cramped car.”  
  
Jensen tries to laugh at the last bit but when he looks at him, Jared can see how unsure he is – of himself, of this situation, of Jared…   
  
Jared’s heart is still racing and he knows that, maybe, he _should_ be scared of Jensen and the life he’s searching for, or at least, the one that seems to be coming after him, but he can’t. He looks into the glistening green eyes of the stranger sitting next to him and he has a million questions. He wants to know Jensen, wants to help Jensen know Jensen, and – _god_ , the man’s lips are _distracting_. He knows his eyes linger on the puffy pink of them and Jensen is probably watching, can probably tell just what he’s thinking, so Jared sighs and tears his eyes away.   
  
“What do you want me to talk about?” he finally says, gentle.   
  
He makes himself keep his eyes on the road but Jared swears he can feel Jensen’s immense relief. Jared relaxes a little, too.

 

“Anything. Everything. It doesn’t matter,” Jensen answers, and Jared can hear the gratitude in his voice. 

 

“Talk me through your thesis,” he mumbles as he settles down into the seat, tucking the bag of gummies in the cup holder and then cradling his head on the pillow of his folded arm, closing his eyes.

 

Jared lets out a small laugh. Oddly enough, this won’t be the first time he’s put someone to sleep with his thesis, though he really can’t bring himself to be insulted in this instance. With all the hours ahead of them yet, he might as well start at the beginning.   
  
“Okay. Well, it starts with my mom, really. She used to read me these stories…”

 

\---   
  
It doesn’t take very long for Jensen to fall asleep. Jared keeps talking for a little while after the man’s eyes close, just to be sure, but eventually he stops and considers it a win when Jensen doesn’t stir. 

 

The car is quiet without music and only the road noise to fill the space, but Jared is surprisingly okay with that. He’s finally relaxed now that Jensen is sleeping and he spends a lot of time going over all the things he knows and doesn’t know in his head. He snacks on the gummy bears from the bag in between them, sneaking lingering looks at Jensen every time he reaches for one.

 

He has a lot of time to sort through his thoughts while he drives and Jensen sleeps, and against possibly his better judgement, Jared decides to commit to this – whatever  _ this _ is. Jensen was intriguing before, looking like every wet dream Jared could care to remember, but then he’s also sincere, and scared. He’s just as much guessing here as Jared is, has to be just as trusting of Jared, even if it does sound like he’s more than capable of handling himself. Jared thinks about how it would feel to know nothing about who he is and it’s hard to wrap his head around, really, in addition to being awful. He can’t truly imagine what Jensen is going through but he hates to think of it, hates to think about him hurting, and if Jared can help him in any way… he really wants to. So he decides that he will. 

 

The hours go by peacefully now that he’s decided not to be scared. He lets himself look at Jensen  – even if the slight parting of his plush mouth and the smooth, tempting skin of his face lend themselves to Jared daydreaming about things that might make him flush the next time Jensen meets his eyes  – and before he knows it the sun is long gone, they’re pulling into Monterrey, his eyes are heavy, and Jared figures it’s as good a place as any to call it a night.

 

\---

 

“Jensen, hey.”   
  
There’s a soft voice in his ear and a gentle hand on his shoulder. Jensen startles as he wakes, but relaxes again when his eyes open and it’s Jared’s silhouette in the darkness that’s in front of him.

 

“I slept,” he declares, pleasantly surprised to realize it, and Jared smiles at him, his teeth bright even without any light. It’s late; Jensen can tell it’s closing in on midnight. He slept  _ a lot _ .

 

“Yeah,” Jared confirms. “I really didn’t want to wake you but I can’t drive anymore. I’m exhausted and I really don’t want to put us in the ditch.”

 

He laughs a little and Jensen makes himself sit up, twisting in his seat to stretch his back. He takes the moment to look out the window. Jared has parked on a quiet looking street and there’s a sign for a hostel up ahead. It makes Jensen smile. They wouldn’t be able to pay cash at a hotel.   
  
“Probably a good call,” Jensen agrees. “Where are we?”

 

“Monterrey,” Jared answers as he takes the keys out of the ignition.   
  
When Jensen looks at Jared again now, really looks, he can see just how tired Jared really is. Meanwhile, he feels better than he has in days, even if there’s a small kink in his neck.

 

“We’re more than halfway to Austin,” Jared adds as he pushes open the door. Jensen follows his lead, exiting the car, and they make their way towards the hostel.

 

They walk in silence mostly. Jensen attributes it to Jared’s tiredness. He stays close enough that their arms almost brush as they walk; the street is quiet but Jensen is still looking ahead to every doorway and alleyway, and he’s ready to grab Jared and go if he has to. 

 

Jared turns to him with his hand on the door when they get to the hostel.   
  
“Let me ask for the room, okay? Hang back so they don’t see your face.”

 

Jensen can only stare at him for a moment. Jensen was going to say the same thing to Jared because he doesn’t want him to get too involved. There’s such concern in Jared’s eyes and Jensen doesn’t know what to say. He wants to thank him but it could never be enough when the man is looking out for him like this, putting himself at risk, especially when Jensen isn’t sure he deserves it. 

 

“Okay,” is what he manages instead.

 

With Jensen finally having agreed, Jared pulls open the door and they go inside.

 

Jensen lingers by the door and watches out of the corner of his eye while Jared talks to the woman at the little desk. They chat away in Spanish and Jared gestures at him once before she happily gives him a key.

 

Jensen follows Jared upstairs to their room. He sees a sign for the bathroom down the hall and suddenly wants a shower. He feels gross, skin tacky with the day’s sweat, and it occurs to him he only has the clothes on his back. They’re going to have to find a store in the morning before they set out.

 

The room is small and sparse, as is typical with hostels. There are two twins with maybe three feet between them, a shared night table with a single lamp on it, and there are sheets, blankets, and a towel folded in a pile at the foot of each bed. Otherwise, the room is empty. It’s more than enough.

 

Jensen reaches for the towel impulsively, so ready to feel clean.

 

“Are you going to – ”   
  
“Nah, I’m beat,” Jared answers before Jensen finishes asking, gesturing to the towel that Jensen is holding like it gave away his question. “Maybe in the morning. You go ahead.”

 

Jensen nods and turns away just as Jared kicks his shoes off and pushes them under his bed. The last thing he needs right now is to watch the man get undressed.

 

Jensen quietly makes his way to the shared washroom at the end of the hall. It’s just a simple shower stall, toilet, and sink, but it’ll do the trick. He strips and makes a neat pile of his clothes on top of his sneakers before getting into a cool shower. For the first time since he woke up, his headache is subtle enough that he can almost ignore it, especially when his mind is so keen to focus on thoughts of Jared instead. He doesn’t want to indulge them; his life is a mess no matter what he’ll find out tomorrow. He doesn’t want to drag Jared into this any more than he already has and honestly, he’s already not looking forward to saying goodbye. Jared has been kind but more than that, he makes Jensen wonder if he really needs all the answers, especially when being with Jared makes him feel so much better.

 

The cool water is gentle on his back as he steps under the spray. His wounds have started to heal to the point that the water doesn’t bother them. The skin there is tight and itches a little as he moves but it’s bearable, mostly just sore and less biting than the pain in his head. He’s fairly awake after his long nap in the car. He’s tempted to draw out the shower, relax, and give Jared time to settle in the room but every time he closes his eyes he only sees Jared: his pink mouth and the dimples it makes when he smiles; his hair, which looks so soft that Jensen wants to run his fingers through it; his kind, bright eyes. Jensen sighs and turns the temperature of the water down a little more in an effort to keep himself composed. He finishes up in the shower with military efficiency instead, towels off and goes commando under his shorts. He carries his sneakers and the rest of his folded-up clothes as he pads barefoot back to their room.

 

He’s tentative when he opens the door. As he suspected, Jared is already passed out. He barely fits on the bed and Jensen has to bite his lip to keep in a laugh at how giant he looks by comparison. He’s all tangled up in his sheets, hugging the pillow under his head, and when Jensen can finally look away he notices that Jared made up his bed for him. His heart flutters with fondness for the way Jared is looking out for him and how much harder this makes everything. He sets down his clothes on the floor and sits on the edge of his bed. Jared left the light on and Jensen sits, his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees, taking a moment to look at the man sleeping in front of him.

 

If it’s possible  – and Jensen can’t believe that it is  – Jared is even more beautiful in sleep. Jensen knows he threw Jared for a loop today and he’s been on edge, not to mention all the stress he’s been dealing with regarding his visa and his thesis and his money running out, but right now Jared is completely unaffected by all of that. His face is lax and his hair is scattered across his forehead and on his pillow. Jensen wants to curl up behind him and, as the thought comes to him, he realizes he has no memories of being close with anyone before. It hits him suddenly and even though it’s not a surprise  – he has no memories of  _ anything _ so of course he wouldn’t remember this either  – he feels overwhelmingly lonely.    
  
He sighs and it’s a little unsteady; he’s more shaken up than he’d care to admit. He turns out the light and waits in the dark for his eyes to adjust. The darkness makes him bold, like he’s moving in secret. He reaches out and brushes the hair off of Jared’s face, tucking it back; it’s even softer than it looks.

 

Jared doesn’t stir and Jensen’s heart is conflicted. He slides into bed and lies on his back, adamantly looking up at the ceiling instead of at Jared, and tries to make his mind blank in the hope that he might get some more sleep. 

 

The sun isn’t far away by the time he finally drifts off.

 

\---

 

Jared sleeps like a rock. He knows because he wakes up slowly, feeling rested, with the vestiges of a good dream vague and heavy in his mind and hard between his legs. His eyes are still closed against the brightness in the room when he stretches under the covers, languidly rolling onto his stomach and pressing his hips into the mattress. His feet stick out over the edge. He wiggles his toes in the open air and sighs into his pillow. He may have slept well but he still misses his bed.   
  
He tilts his head and tries not to feel so jittery in anticipation of waking up to Jensen. The room is silent so he lets himself indulge a moment, imagines Jensen’s sleep heavy body sprawled in the bed barely an arm’s length away, pictures the way the sunlight might dance on his exposed skin, wonders if he has freckles in more places than just his face. He can feel his face warm when it occurs to him that Jensen might be awake, might even be looking at him and would certainly know that he’s awake, and even though his thoughts are private they aren’t exactly helping with the redistribution of his blood flow. He forces himself to stop thinking about Jensen and gives himself another minute before he finally opens his eyes.

 

The bed is empty. 

 

Jared sits up immediately, looking around the room. Jensen is nowhere to be seen and neither are his clothes. Jared starts to panic, his mind racing with every possibility – _is Jensen okay, did they find him somehow? That can’t be it; did Jensen just_ leave _him?_ – when his eyes fall on a scrap of paper on the night table. As he reaches for the note, his relief manifests as a small, strangled laugh and he shakes his head at himself.  
  
_Gone for breakfast_

_ Be back soon _

 

As if on cue, Jared’s stomach gurgles loudly and he realizes they never really ate anything substantial yesterday. He’s  _ starving _ . 

 

He sighs and figures it’s as good a time as any to take a shower, replacing the note and reaching for his towel. He strips down, adds his boxers to the pile of his clothes from the night before, and wraps the towel around his waist before making his way to the bathroom at the end of the hall.

 

After his shower, Jared takes the excess water out of his hair by giving his towel a vigorous rub on his head and then returns to their room much the way he left it  – holding the towel around his waist, barefoot  – and moving quickly through the hallway to avoid dripping too much everywhere, muttering  _ disculpa _ as he narrowly avoids bumping into a woman coming up the stairs. He pushes open the door and closes it quickly behind him, glad to be somewhere less exposed, until he turns around and realizes Jensen is back, sitting up in the bed sipping a coffee with his legs long and crossed in front of him, taking in the sight of Jared with a small quirk in his mouth.

 

Jared freezes like he’s been caught, standing with one hand on the door handle and the other at his hip holding the towel. A drop of water slides down his chest just alongside his nipple and it tickles, making him shiver. Jared realizes what he must look like standing there dripping, his skin pebbling up because it’s wet and cool in the air conditioning, his hair damp and everywhere, and with barely a scrap of white cotton between them. Suddenly he has the irrational thought that Jensen can tell just by looking at him, somehow he  _ knows _ that Jared jerked off thinking about what Jensen’s pretty mouth would look like stretched around his dick in the shower not minutes before. Maybe Jared is still flushed, or maybe Jensen reads it in the abused swell of his own mouth, since he damn near bit clean through his lip trying to stay quiet when he came; either way, Jared can feel the colour in his cheeks deepen as he stands there. He’s mortified at the idea that Jensen can maybe see through him like that but at the same time he can’t regret it because looking at Jensen now... 

 

He evidently went shopping while he was out. He’s wearing a dark button-down with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, fitted dark blue jeans, a pair of new boots, and he’s smiling up at Jared through his lashes, eyes bright and disarming, and he just looks... incredible. Jared’s dick is valiantly trying to show how much it agrees with that assessment despite the session in the shower, and as he grips more tightly at his towel, Jared realizes he has officially been standing there gaping at Jensen for way too long.   
  
Jared opens his mouth to say something  – anything  – but his voice croaks on the first attempt and instead he clears his throat, his hands fidgeting with the corners of his towel. 

 

Jensen’s smile now is almost sly, his eyebrows are raised and his eyes locked on Jared as he takes another deliberate sip of his coffee.    
  
“‘Morning, sunshine,” he says easily, and the sound of his voice to Jared is both reassuring and provocative all at once. 

 

“Hey,” Jared replies lamely, internally groaning at himself. He makes himself step further into the room towards his own bed and that’s when he notices: something smells _heavenly_ – warm and sweet and heavy in the air. There’s a black duffle bag on his bed, next to it is a brown paper bag, and there’s another to-go cup of something on his side of the night stand. “What’s all this?”  
  
“Well, I realized I didn’t have any other clothes and didn’t think you had any either, so I grabbed us some stuff. There’s a couple shirts and whatever you might need in the bag. And there’s breakfast for you. A couple campechanas and a bunch of churros. Hot chocolate, too.”  
  
Jensen isn’t even finished talking about the contents of the paper bag by the time Jared’s face breaks out into a huge smile. He’s hungry – anything would have done – and Jensen brought him a bunch of sweet bread, sugary fried dough, and hot chocolate to dip it in, and Jared just might be in love. _Shit_. Jared tenses, has to fight to keep his grin from wavering, and curses the traitorous turn of his thoughts. He distracts himself with renewed focus and enthusiasm for his breakfast.

 

Jensen laughs as Jared descends on the bag like he needs to see all the contents to believe him. 

 

“I got the impression you’ve got a bit of a sweet tooth. Guess I was right!” He sounds pleased and when Jared looks back at him he can see something almost vulnerable in Jensen’s eyes, maybe relief, maybe hope. 

 

“You are  _ definitely  _ right,” Jared confirms. “Jensen, thank you.”   
  
There’s a long beat where they’re just looking at each other, Jared still practically naked and hunched over the bag on his bed looking down at Jensen where he’s sitting behind him. Jensen clears his throat and makes to move off the bed.

 

“I’ll, um, give you the room,” Jensen says as he gets up. There’s not a large distance between the beds so when Jensen stands he’s right in Jared’s space, mere inches between them, and for a moment he pauses there. It can only be a second’s hesitation before he moves away and towards the door but it somehow feels like a whole lifetime to Jared. He’s jittery and wanting to be back in that moment, but then Jensen is opening the door and Jared talks just to keep Jensen in sight that much longer.

 

“What about you?” Jared sputters out.

 

“Hm?” Jensen stops and turns back to him in the doorway. “What about me what?”   
  
“Um,” Jared starts, one hand coming up to run through his damp hair while the other clutches tightly at the corners of his towel. “Aren’t you going to have some? B-breakfast I mean?”   
  
Jensen smiles and Jared’s stomach flutters.

 

“I ate while I was out. It’s all yours, big guy. I’ll be in the lobby, okay? Just bring everything down when you’re ready and we’ll head out.” Jensen says it like a statement but looks at Jared like he’s waiting for an answer.

 

“Yeah, okay. I won’t be long,” Jared promises. 

 

Jensen gives him a last nod before he leaves, closing the door behind him.

 

\---

 

The two hour drive to Laredo is uneventful. Jared leaves the music off in case it might agitate Jensen’s headache and they talk on and off, Jensen asking Jared questions about his best friend Genevieve, or his siblings and what they do, and Jared knows he’s asking for the apparent comfort of listening to him speak but he can’t help but feel that Jensen really does care. There’s something in his voice and the way he looks at Jared that makes him feel warm and easy as he rambles on while Jensen mostly sits quietly beside him.

 

Jared is nervous when they approach the border but Jensen talks him through it and he’s so calm and collected that Jared manages the exchange with the agent through the car window without too much stuttering and they get through without any trouble, much to Jared’s incalculable relief. Jensen suggests that since they’re there they might as well stop to grab a quick bite to eat and Jared isn’t positive but he’s fairly sure Jensen has noticed the way he was shaking as they drove away from the gate and wants to give him time to relax before they tackle the final four hours of their journey. 

 

There’s a Whataburger just down the road from the crossing so they order it to go and eat outside in the parking lot while leaning up against the car. There’s a lot of quiet but it’s never uncomfortable, though now that they’re stateside, Jared feels the end of their time together looming in the distance and it makes his stomach a little tight. He’s paying attention enough to recognize that he’s falling for Jensen  –  kind of really, really likes him  – and adult enough to know the timing couldn’t be worse if they tried, Jensen is admittedly dangerous, and Jared will have to add him to the list of things he regrets the moment he has to walk away from him for good.    
  
“Jared.” Jensen reaches across the console between them to put a hand on Jared’s arm as he puts the key back into the ignition. Jared stills and looks back at him, trying not to focus on how ready he is to have Jensen’s hand on him at all, how ready he is to beg him to keep it there.

 

“You okay?” Jensen finally asks, withdrawing his hand. Jared swallows thickly.

 

“Yeah, Jensen. I’m good.” 

 

Jensen stares at him a moment, contemplative, and eventually tilts his head and gives him a look that clearly shows that Jensen isn’t convinced. He looks concerned and it makes Jared want to laugh at how ridiculous he’s being; he isn’t the one whose memory has taken an indefinite vacation, with no answers and people on his tail, and yet Jensen is looking out for him.    
  
“I promise,” Jared adds, doing his best to look like he means it. He wants to mean it, really. Jensen has enough on his plate without having to worry about Jared and his inopportune, wasted emotions.   
  


Jensen concedes while still looking doubtful, folding himself all the way back into his seat and resting his head on the window while Jared starts the car.

 

They drive out of Laredo in the comfortable silence that Jared has become so used to so quickly, and Jared is so distracted wrestling with everything in his head and his heart that it isn’t until they’re a couple miles out of the city that Jared realizes Jensen hasn’t said anything at all since they had lunch. He glances over more deliberately only to find Jensen has drifted off. His mouth is parted just that little bit and his face is slack. His arms are folded, but they’re loose with sleep and Jared hates having to look away and focus on the road again. Not for the first time that day, Jared wonders how well Jensen slept last night - if at all - and as he settles in for another peaceful drive, he hopes that Jensen can get some rest.


	3. Chapter 3

“Jensen, hey.”

 

Jensen blinks awake to the sound of Jared’s voice. This time he doesn’t startle. 

 

Jared’s voice is already familiar and it’s gentle as it gets his attention and drags him from the depths of sleep.    
  


“Thought you might want to know. We’re just getting into Austin,” Jared smiles at him from the driver’s side. 

  
The passenger seat of the Fiesta is decidedly less comfortable than last night’s bed, but he managed to apparently sleep all the way through. He was more tired than he realized. 

 

He stretches awkwardly in the small space, tilting his head and unfolding his arms, pressing his feet hard against the footwell to straighten his legs as best he can.

 

“Thanks, Jared,” he croaks out. “Sorry I keep passing out on you. I’m not very good company.”   
  
Jared looks at him a moment like he’s about to say something and then his cheeks turn a little pink as he looks away again, reconsidering. It makes Jensen’s chest ache to see how obviously Jared is interested in him. Jensen wants so badly to give in  – he wants to give Jared whatever it is that he wants, anything to make him smile, anything to be the cause of those dimples  – but Jared deserves so much more than the inevitable disaster that is Jensen’s life right now. Resisting is so much more difficult than he ever considered when he first saw Jared standing outside the Embassy.   
  
“It’s okay,” Jared finally says. “I’m really glad that you’re getting some sleep. Do you know where we’re going once we’re in town?”

 

Jensen is warmed by how genuinely Jared seems to care for him and he tries not to dwell. He does know where they’re going. He checked the address listed on his lease on a map when he was out that morning in Monterrey and his memory  – while shit for anything to do with him  – is solid for everything else. 

 

“Yeah, keep going for now, Jared. I’ll let you know which exit.”   
  
Fifteen minutes later Jensen is looking through his window and can see what is supposedly his apartment building coming up on the right. He motions for Jared to keep going.

 

“Don’t stop here. We’ll park a block over,” he explains.

 

“Okay,” is all Jared says. Jensen looks over his shoulder at him and that feeling is back, the one from earlier at the border while they were having lunch. Jared is so withdrawn and Jensen knows what he’s doing because he’s doing it, too; he’s trying to get ready to say goodbye. 

 

They pull off the road and Jared puts them in park. Jensen doesn’t think about it, just gets out of the car and grabs his duffel bag from the back seat. He’s thankful when he looks up to see that Jared is out of the car, too, his keys in his hand. He shuffles self-consciously where he stands and looks down. The tilt makes his hair fall in front of his face and it’s almost painful for Jensen to keep his hands to himself instead of reaching out to tuck it back for him.

 

Jared clears his throat and opens his mouth around an  _ um _ but Jensen talks over him.

 

“You could come up,” he says quickly. Jared’s eyes flash up to his, bright and full of hope.

 

“Really?” He asks and it’s tentative, but the smile spreading on his face is anything but.

 

“Yeah,” Jensen replies, relieved. This – this can’t be it. Not yet. “I, um. I have no idea what might be waiting for me up there and… I’d feel better if – if you were with me.”

 

Jared beams at him, threatening to outshine the Texas sun that’s still high in the sky behind him.

 

“Of course, yeah. Lead the way, Jensen.”

 

The smile Jensen gives Jared then is more bashful than he could have ever meant it, but he quickly turns away, towards his building, and sets off with Jared following just a step behind.

 

They get inside the main door and there’s an intercom panel between it and the next, locked doorway. Jensen looks at it a minute before scrolling through the directory.

 

“You don’t have a key, do you?” Jared asks but it’s more of a statement. He knows what few personal belongings Jensen has on him. 

 

“Nope. I’m going to look for – ah ha! Buzzing the landlord now,” Jensen finds the listing and punches in the number. 

 

“Be right there!” The response is muffled through the device but it’s the one he was going for so Jensen lets himself look smug when Jared looks reassured. Jared laughs at him a little and Jensen counts it as a win. Not a full minute goes by when a middle aged black woman is coming towards them through the foyer. When she sees Jensen she smiles and appears relieved. 

 

“Mr. Ackles!” She greets him as she opens the door and waves them in. “I was beginning to worry about you.”   
  
“Oh, I’m doing just fine, thanks,” Jensen says easily. “I’ve just been away and I managed to lose my keys!”

 

“Of course you have,” she returns, giving him an unsurprised, maternal glare. “Come on up, I’ll let you in.”

 

Jared and Jensen share a look and Jensen winks at him behind her back just to watch Jared roll his eyes as they follow her to the elevator. She takes them to the third floor, apartment 325, and she’d look stern as she unlocks the door except for the small quirk at the corner of her mouth.

 

“Now Mr. Ackles, you let me know if there’s anything else you need from me. Glad you’re back.”

 

“Thanks very much. That’s everything for now,” Jensen waves as she walks away and he shuts the apartment door behind them. 

 

He’s been pouring over every detail of everything they’ve passed since they parked, desperately hoping  _ something _ will look familiar, but so far nothing has. The same goes for the inside of the apartment. 

 

He and Jared split up, wandering through the rooms slowly, taking it all in. There is nothing personal or revealing about anything inside. Everything is clean, white, and sparse. There are no family photographs on any shelves or on the wall, only a few pieces of generic looking art. A bad feeling starts to grow in the pit of his stomach and Jensen is on edge. He doesn’t like that Jared isn’t somewhere he can see him.

 

“Jared?” He calls out while checking the fridge. It’s empty.

 

“In your office, Jensen,” he calls back and Jensen follows the sound of his voice. There isn’t a computer on the desk, but there’s a space for a laptop. Like the other rooms in the apartment, the office is mostly bare with the exception of some non-descript books on a shelf and a phone on the desk.

 

“Does any of it look familiar?” Jared ventures hopefully. Jensen shakes his head and reaches for the phone, punching the redial button and listening as it rings. Jared looks a little anxious  – definitely uneasy  – but starts to wander out of the room. Just as Jensen opens his mouth to ask him to stay close, a woman picks up on the other end of the line.

 

“ _ Good afternoon! You’ve reached the Hotel Beaux Arts Miami. My name is Erica. How can I be of service _ ?”   
  
“Erica, hi! Yeah, I’m trying to track down a friend of mine. I think they’re staying at your hotel. Could you check for me?”   
  
“ _ Absolutely, sir. What is the name? _ ”   
  
“Jensen Ackles,” he answers and in the pause that follows he can hear her typing away.

 

“ _ Hm _ ,” she hums and it doesn’t sound positive. “ _ I don’t have any guests by that name. So sorry, sir. _ ”   
  
Jensen frowns and thinks a moment. The other names on all the other passports come to mind and he decides he’s got nothing to lose, so…

 

“That’s okay, Erica. There’s actually a group of us and I’m not sure who the reservation is under. Could you try another name for me? How about Dean Winchester…”   
  
There’s more typing and then –

 

“ _ Oh, I do have record for that name, actually. But _ – ”   
  
There’s a sudden loud crash  – glass shattering  – from the other room and the sound of a body dropping, the air  _ whumped  _ out of it.

 

“ _Jensen!_ ” Jared yells out and his voice is strangled, panicked – _scared_. 

 

Jensen had dropped the phone the second he heard the crash but now he’s moving quickly with silent, deliberate purpose toward the sound of the crash and where Jared’s struggling, panted breaths are like a beacon. Jensen’s whole body is lit up, riding the edge and primed like a hair trigger; he turns the corner into the living room and doesn’t think twice, only moves. 

 

Jared is on the ground, surrounded by broken glass where the asshole who currently has him pinned down broke the big bay window to gain access and get the jump on him. Jared isn’t exactly small and he’s giving it all he’s got trying to keep the guy’s arm from crushing his windpipe but he’s never been in a fight before  – that much is clear  – and the guy on top of him knows what he’s doing.

 

Jensen’s hands fist in the back of the guy’s shirt and wrench him off. Jensen doesn’t wait, he just kicks out, striking the centre of the guy’s back, and he winds up face first on the hardwood floor.

 

“Jared, stay back,” Jensen barks, never taking his eyes off his mark, who scrambles up and is back on his feet and facing Jensen in the span of a blink. Jensen has never seen the guy’s face before but he swears for a moment before he moves, there’s recognition on the stranger’s part.  _ He knows me _ .

 

Jensen doesn’t have time to consider it further before there’s a fist coming for his face and Jensen is moving to evade it. The guy’s knuckles clip Jensen’s ear. Jensen drops, landing two punches hard to the guy’s gut. He staggers back and catches his footing quickly, moving to reengage Jensen just as fast. 

 

He keeps Jensen on his toes. This guy is trained, much like Jensen. They’re well matched  – not like the guards or cops Jensen was outrunning two days earlier  – and Jensen prays Jared stays where he is, on his feet again but backed up against the wall in the farthest corner and out of harm’s way.

 

They exchange blows as Jensen forces the guy back. Jensen gets an elbow to the temple but his attacker starts to bleed from the right eye. He ducks left and kicks low, striking the inside of the guy’s knee and he goes down hard onto the other. Jensen goes to kick him in the face but the guy grabs his leg and twists; Jensen goes down. He gets his hands under him so he’s in control but the other guy has the advantage. Jensen gets to his knees but then the guy is on him with an arm around his neck, putting him into a headlock and tugging up. He’s pushing hard against Jensen’s throat and Jensen can’t get nearly enough air but he brings his elbow back and strikes the guy in between a couple ribs. He falters for just a fraction of a second but it’s all Jensen needs. He pulls the guy down and kicks up a knee, slamming him hard in the forehead. The guy startles and shakes from the force of it; letting Jensen go, he drops and rolls out to the side, out of reach, before getting up back to his feet facing his opponent. 

 

The guy looks a little worse for wear, especially with the blood still coming down the side of his face from the gash above his eye. They stand opposite each other a moment, sizing each other up, and then the enemy is moving towards him again, but Jensen is ready. He fakes him out with a hook before going in low and coming up with an open-palm to the guy’s chin. In the moment he’s incapacitated, Jensen grabs his arm and moves fast; he kicks hard at the same knee he already hit and hears it snap as the leg breaks at the same time he yanks the guy’s arm straight and out, popping his shoulder. Jensen can hear Jared’s shocked intake of breath and sees him flinch at the sounds in his periphery. His attacker is definitely done now and Jensen lets him fall to the ground, his arm and leg at unnatural angles as he shudders, stunned and likely trying to block out the pain. 

 

As he lies there, Jensen finally looks him over, checking for everything, anything. He’s got to be just a shade younger than Jensen, light stubble on a face of undistinguished features, short brown hair, blue eyes. He’s got a small messenger bag worn tight to his body, though the strap has come loose and the bag is askew after their scuffle. Jensen unclips it and tugs it off.    
  
Jared is standing, bracing himself against the wall and staring down at the bloodied, broken person on the floor with obvious horror.

 

“Jared, check it. Tell me what’s inside.” He tosses the bag in Jared’s direction and, busy as he is, he still notices how awfully Jared’s hands shake when he fumbles to catch it.    
  
Jensen puts his knee in the centre of the guy’s chest and puts his weight behind it.

 

“Who are you?” He demands.   
  
The guy just stares past him. Jensen’s anger flares and he grabs the guy by a hand tight in his hair and slams his head back against the floor.

 

“Who are you?” He asks again. “Who do you work for? Tell me! Who are you?”    
  
He slams his head down again when he remains silent. Internally, Jensen sighs. He doesn’t have the time or patience for this man’s resolve.    
  
In the wake of more stubborn silence, Jensen lets his eyes flash left to check on Jared but he has to do a double take.   
  
The bag is empty on the floor at Jared’s feet, its contents strewn about it, except for some papers that Jared is holding with hands that still tremble violently. He’s staring at them with almost comically wide eyes and his face has gone so pale that Jensen suddenly understands why people use the expression ‘white as a sheet.’ It’s so stark and unsettling that Jensen shifts his focus.

 

“Jared?” He prompts, trying to get him to snap out of it. “Jared!”   
  
Jensen’s weight is still heavy on the man underneath him and his grip on his hair hasn’t lessened, but as Jared blinks, startled, and looks up at him with his mouth opening and closing slowly on soundless words, Jensen has all of his attention on Jared.

 

Jared appears stuck, his gaze shifting between the papers and their assailant. He’s starting to sway and looks more unsteady with every second and every rapid breath. Jensen knows what’s happening. 

 

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath and stands up.

 

“Jensen – Jensen, he – he has – how do they have…” Jared can barely make the words, his voice raspy as he tries to speak. He trails off as he crumples. Jensen is right there and Jared is still conscious but everything has gone out of him. His body is dead weight and Jensen holds on to him with an arm around his back and a hand clutching his arm as he catches and helps ease Jared down to sit on the floor.

 

“Jared, you gotta take a deep breath, okay? Deep breaths. Please, it’s going to be okay. Just breathe.”   
  
Jared’s legs are sprawled out in front of him and he blinks slowly like he’s in a daze.

 

There’s noise behind and Jensen whips around to see the man has managed to get up on his good leg. He shares a look with Jensen for a moment that Jensen can’t read and then he turns and hop-runs for the broken window, taking a headfirst dive down three stories to the ground below. 

 

Jared flinches with the sound of every hobbled step and  – Jensen didn’t even think it was possible  – looks even more horrified that the man just chose a brutal death over answering Jensen’s questions.    
  
“Jared, baby, please. You  _ have _ to breathe. In and out, okay? Just breathe,” Jensen is desperate to centre Jared and fast. They can’t stay here.

 

Jared is looking up at him, nodding dumbly, mouthing a word that looks like ‘baby,’ and Jensen grabs the paper from his hand to find out what it is. It’s an APB  – for both of them. It has Jensen’s picture  – the one from his passport  – and two more taken from security cameras at the Embassy in Mexico City. Jensen is described as armed and extremely dangerous. Jared is there, too, with pictures from his passport and at the Embassy. Jensen frowns. They hadn’t hooked up yet at that point.  _ How did they know to look for Jared there? _ Jensen’s growing sense of dread worsens. He doesn’t know who these people are, but whatever is going on is bigger and more dangerous than he dared imagine. He’s put Jared in so much danger already.

 

“J-Jensen,” Jared stutters out. “That guy he – he – why would he do that?”

 

“Doesn’t matter. Jared, we have to go. We can’t stay here. It’s not safe. We have to go. You have to get on your feet. That’s it.” Jensen tucks the paper in his back pocket and gets a firm grip on Jared’s biceps. He helps get Jared back up and then glances down to take a quick inventory of the stuff spilled from the guy’s bag. It looks a lot like the contents of Jensen’s safe deposit box, including a gun and a few ammo clips, which Jensen stoops to pick up and tuck in the back waistband of his pants and pockets. 

 

“W-what do you n-need that for?” Jared nearly whispers and it sounds so scared that it makes Jensen’s heart clench.

 

“To make sure you stay safe, okay? We have to go. We have to go, come on, Jared. Just keep breathing, let me get you out of here,” Jensen speaks gently, trying to help ground Jared as he steers him out of the apartment, one hand on his hip and the other at his elbow. 

 

They take the elevator down to the main floor without any trouble, Jared leaning back against Jensen’s chest and Jensen white-knuckling his hold on him just to make sure he stays upright. They turn the corner to the lobby and Jensen’s landlady is on the ground inside the secure doors with a bullet in her forehead and a pool of dark blood on the floor behind her.

 

“Oh, god.” Jared’s whole body convulses and Jensen digs his fingers in as he doubles over and throws up on the tile.

 

“Jared,” Jensen pleads. He’s sympathetic, he is, but they can’t stop. Police or worse could be showing up any moment. Every second counts. He keeps moving forward, and when Jared gets himself mostly upright he’s wiping his mouth on the back of a shaky arm, finally supporting some of his weight with his own feet. 

 

Jensen manages to get them back to the car and as he folds Jared into the passenger seat he can hear the sirens closing in. 

 

“I’m going to drive, okay? Where are the keys?” Jensen asks as he buckles Jared in.

 

“Keys?” Jared echoes, like he hears but doesn’t understand.

 

“Yes, the keys, Jared. Please,” Jensen begs, a hand reaching out to cup Jared’s face. He strokes his thumb over Jared’s cheek and looks at him expectantly.

 

“Uh – um,” Jared mumbles, his head getting heavy in Jensen’s palm. He’s in such shock Jensen really isn’t sure he does understand him right now.

 

“God, Jared, I’m so sorry,” Jensen exhales and goes for Jared’s jean pockets with both hands. Jared just sits there while Jensen digs around and finally pulls out the car key. 

 

Jensen closes the car door after making sure Jared is all the way tucked in and then he’s climbing in the driver’s seat in the next moment. He puts on his seat belt, turns the key in the ignition, and takes one last moment to look over at Jared, who is staring out the front window still looking rattled and ashen.

 

“We’re going to find a place to ditch the car and then a place to lay low, okay? I gotta get you out of here and then… I’m going to get you out of this. Just  – keep breathing, Jared. Deep breaths.”

 

Jensen bites his lip and reaches for Jared’s hand where it’s palm-up and lax in his lap. He gives it a shake and Jared looks down at their hands before looking back up at Jensen, still just as stunned. 

 

“Deep breaths,” Jensen repeats and forces himself to tear his eyes away when Jared starts nodding again. He keeps Jared’s hand in his as he puts the car in drive and takes off in search of somewhere safe. 

 

**\---**

 

Jared cannot stop shaking. It’s like something at his core is fractured and it just radiates out across his whole body. They’re in Austin and the sun is up but he’s cold and feels it deep in his bones. They drive for a while  – how long exactly Jared isn’t sure  – until Jensen parks them in the farthest corner of an underground lot. 

 

Jared is aware of Jensen working in and around the car, knows Jensen is talking to him and it sounds soothing  – the tone of his voice is gentle and reassuring  – but Jared isn’t really hearing him. Something about the license plate, personal belongings, wiping their prints… he wants to help, knows he should be helping, but his brain and his body don’t feel like they’re talking to each other right now. Everything Jensen is doing is background to the million things going through Jared’s mind. He can’t stop seeing Jensen breaking that guy’s leg, putting him down like that, the blood on his face, the way he limped before he… then all of a sudden the guy is on him again, crushing his throat and Jared can’t breathe, he feels dizzy like he’s back in that moment. He squeezes his eyes shut and forces it away, tries to convince himself it’s not real, it’s over, it’s just him and Jensen now.    
  
There’s a hand resting on his knee, warm and gentle. He blinks his eyes open and Jensen is there, crouched down in the space between Jared and the open car door with his bag over his shoulder and the cloth he’s using to clean the car of their prints in his other hand. He’s giving Jared a small smile but Jared can tell he’s worried.

 

“Hey,” Jensen starts when Jared meets his gaze. “How’re you holding up?”   
  
Jared opens his mouth to answer but his throat feels tight and dry. When he closes his mouth again, he sees how Jensen falters, sees his concern. Jared reaches for Jensen’s hand, the one on his knee, his own still trembling. Jensen lets him thread their fingers together, and when Jensen gives his hand a squeeze Jared thinks he just might be able to get warm again after all.

 

“Jared,” Jensen looks down and takes a deep breath. “I’m so,  _ so _ sorry. I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am. I had no idea – someone wants me dead, okay? I didn’t mean to drag you into this. I didn’t know it was this bad. We have to leave the car and… you need to go. You need – ”   
  
“ _ Go? _ ” Jared sputters out, blinking. Jensen sighs and it sounds sad.

 

“Yeah, Jared. It’s your best option right now. You take this APB and go to the police, tell them what happened. Get out before you get in any more trouble, in any more danger. God, Jared, he – he could’ve killed you. You could’ve died and – and it’s my fault.”

 

Jensen is squeezing his hand hard now, Jared isn’t sure he even realizes, but he can see that Jensen’s eyes are glistening even though Jensen won’t look at him. He is just as scared as Jared; and, sure, he's scared for himself, but he's obviously scared for Jared, too. Why else would he possibly be asking him to go, after all they've already been through together?

 

Jared is lightheaded. What just happened  – it was the scariest thing he’s ever experienced, hands down. He really doesn’t want to go through anything like it again, but… any thought he had of turning his back on this, turning his back on  _ Jensen _ , and walking away doesn’t stand a chance, not when Jensen is holding his hand like this  – like he can’t bear to let him go  – and it’s so clear that he cares about Jared, too. Jared’s not sure he’s ever felt this way about anyone before and he barely knows Jensen  – is terrified of the dangerous unknown attached to him  – but the fear is not enough. Jared knows his choice  – if there ever even was one.

 

“Jensen,” he starts, his teeth chattering for the way he shakes. “D-don’t. J-just don’t, please. You couldn’t have known.”

 

Jensen still won’t look at him. Jared watches him swallow hard. 

 

Jared takes his other shaky hand and reaches for Jensen’s face. He can feel Jensen tense when he touches him but he doesn’t stop, pressing his palm to Jensen’s cheek.

 

“I’m not leaving you,” Jared whispers.   
  
Jensen finally looks at him, pained. He drops the cloth and reaches for Jared’s wrist as if to pull it away, even as he seems to lean into the touch, clearly conflicted.

 

“Jared, please… you  _ have _ to. You don’t deserve this mess.” Jensen sounds desperate. He sounds how Jared feels, and finally, the broken look on Jensen’s face is enough to snap Jared out of it.

  
  


"No,” he asserts, his voice firm and resolved. Jensen looks a little surprised and opens his mouth to argue but Jared continues before he gets the chance.

 

“No. You don't get to sit there and tell me to leave, that I need to save myself or whatever you’re thinking, not when it's clear that you need saving, too. I may not speak half a dozen languages, or have secret fucking ninja moves hardwired in my subconscious, but... the danger you're in? We're in it together now, whether we like it or not. I'm not gonna turn you in just to save my own ass. It’s not gonna happen. Whatever this mess is that you're in, I'm staying in it, too. With you."   
  
Jensen gets to stare at him, wide-eyed and stunned, for only the span of a heartbeat while Jared musters the last of his courage and takes the leap. He leans down, tilts Jensen’s face up with the hand at his jaw, and captures Jensen’s mouth in a desperate kiss to convey the depth of his sincerity, push aside his fear, and fan the flames of this thing he  _ knows _ is between them. Jensen doesn’t react for just long enough that Jared’s resolve is about to run out, his nerve lost, but then Jensen makes this  _ sound _ , small and almost hurt, in the back of his throat, and he’s suddenly kissing Jared back. He lets go of Jared’s wrist and reaches for Jared’s face, threading his fingers in Jared’s hair as he drops to his knee and straightens up into the kiss. Jared may have started it but Jensen is taking it over. 

 

Jensen is on the lower ground but Jared feels like he somehow has him pinned to the seat. Jared’s stomach flutters when Jensen uses his grip in Jared’s hair to change the angle. Jensen’s tongue nudges at the seam of his lips and Jared opens for him immediately. A tiny whine escapes him at the first taste of Jensen and Jared would be ashamed but Jensen only deepens the kiss. Jared is still shaking but now it’s for a completely different reason and he lets go of Jensen’s hand on his knee and reaches out instead, fisting his hand in the front of Jensen’s shirt. Jensen is licking into his mouth and Jared feels like he’s melting under his hands, against his lips; he’s dizzy because he’s not getting enough air but he can’t bring himself to stop, never wants to stop; he would happily succumb to Jensen’s kiss right now and – that’s when Jensen starts to pull back.

 

Jared hears the whimper he makes as Jensen’s tongue disappears, can feel how hotly his cheeks flush, but he can’t help how his fingers close a little more tightly in Jensen’s shirt. Jensen finally breaks the kiss but he keeps his hand in Jared’s hair and rests their foreheads together. Their noses are brushing and Jared can still feel  – and taste  – the sweet, warm huffs of Jensen’s breath as they both pant, more than a little breathless, and when Jared dares to look at Jensen through his lashes, Jensen is flushed, too, starry eyed, smiling, and looking right back at him.

 

The upturned curve of Jensen’s mouth helps Jared relax as he catches his breath, and he finally uncurls his fingers from Jensen’s shirt.

 

“I guess that means I’m stuck with you,” Jensen rasps out, his voice rough. There’s a kind, playful look in his eye and Jared laughs a little, relieved.

 

“You’re damn right you are,” Jared jokes back, his nerves finally settling, and Jensen kisses him again quick, just a warm press of lips.

 

“Okay,” Jensen says against his mouth before moving back and standing up. “We really have to go though. I’ve cleaned out the car and wiped our prints. Everything’s in my bag. We’re gonna keep off the main streets and walk to a hostel, try to get some sleep. We’ll set out early tomorrow.”

 

“Set out? Where?” Jared asks, looking up at him from the passenger seat. 

 

“I’ve got a lead in Miami. It’s going to be a lot more driving but with the two of us, if we take turns, maybe we can drive straight through.”   
  
Jared’s eyes go wide  – Miami is even further than Mexico City  – but he nods. Whatever Jensen needs.

 

“Okay,” he agrees, and reaches for Jensen’s shoulder to brace himself as he goes to stand.

 

“You good, Jay?” Jensen asks gently, reaching for his waist to help hold him as he gets up.

 

Jared looks down at the way Jensen’s arm wraps around him to keep him steady and his heart warms at the nickname. 

 

“Yeah, actually. Or, I will be,” Jared answers, smiling shyly and leaning into Jensen just because he can. “Lead the way.”

 

Jensen keeps his arm around Jared as they walk away from his car and Jared can’t bring himself to be sad about leaving it behind. Jensen’s body is warm and comforting along his side and, as he slides his arm around Jensen’s waist, too, Jared already knows he’ll follow Jensen come whatever.

 

\---

 

They’re on the far side of the city from Jensen’s apartment and find a quiet little hostel with a café on the ground floor where they grab a quick bite to eat. Jensen watches  – worries  – over Jared the whole while; they choose a corner table and Jared pulls his chair close before he sits, but really only picks at his food. Jensen doesn’t blame him, of course. He’s gone through some pretty traumatic stuff today and Jensen is willing to wager his throat aches at least a little when he tries to swallow.

 

He closes his eyes and can clearly see the intruder choking the life out of Jared with his arm like a steel rod across his neck. He has to breathe deeply to force the image away but he still feels wracked by guilt that it ever happened  – that it happened because of him.

 

“Jen, you okay?” Jared’s voice breaks through his thoughts and Jensen opens his eyes, looks back at him where Jared is pushing around the barely touched pile of french fries on his plate. 

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good,” he reassures him. “You think you can stomach a little more of that before we turn in?”

 

Jensen nods at Jared’s food and Jared looks a little sheepish as he shakes his head. He hesitates a moment and then folds forward, dropping his forehead to Jensen’s shoulder. It makes Jensen’s heart stutter in his chest; Jared is relying on him so much, trusts him even though he has no reason to, and Jensen is overwhelmed by how much it means to him. He’d been holding back, forcing himself to keep his distance from Jared, for his own safety, and it’d been all for nothing. Jared had still gotten hurt, is still in danger, but Jared only wants to be closer still and Jensen can admit he’s more grateful for that than he can possibly say. 

 

He leans down and plants a quick kiss to the top of Jared’s head, his thumb smoothing along the back of his neck.

 

“C’mon then. You’ll feel better in the morning. Let's call it a night.”   
  
Jensen feels it against his chest when Jared nods, agreeing with him. Jensen knows he’s beat. To be fair, Jensen is pretty wiped, too. It’s been a long, tiring day, and with two days of driving ahead of them they need to get some good sleep tonight.

 

He tosses some bills down on the table as they stand up together. Jensen takes Jared’s hand in his and they quietly make their way to their room.

 

They stand side by side in the shared bathroom as they brush their teeth and Jensen is extra thankful he thought to get them some toiletries while he was out now that this adventure will be longer than either of them anticipated. Jared looks sleepy even as he stands there, eyes at half mast, and Jensen bumps him with his hip just to see him grin, foamy, around his toothbrush and catch his eyes in the mirror. 

 

Jared stumbles back to their room and Jensen sticks around to shower. He still doesn’t let his thoughts linger on Jared, even though he can’t get the taste of him or the feel of his lips out of his mind. He’s a little torn up inside because last time they roomed, Jensen didn’t sleep well. His headache flared back at his apartment but was okay the rest of the day and he worries it’ll worsen again as soon as he lies down. He wants to curl up around Jared, keep him safe, feel safe with him, but Jared’s been through a lot  – Jensen has put him through a lot  – and Jensen isn’t sure how to go about this. If he’s ever dated or been with anyone before  – it’s all new to him now. Given his current situation, Jared’s kiss is the only one he knows and he wants to know it so much better but he’s already made enough of a mess of Jared’s life; he has to let Jared take the lead here. 

 

He pads back to the room in a pair of boxers while drying his hair with his towel, trying not to think too hard about being in such close quarters, about their beds being right next to each other; he tries not to think about how undressed Jared might be right now or how difficult it might be to make small talk as they get ready to sleep when he doesn’t want the night to end. He just wants to keep Jared close. And kiss him again,  _ really  _ kiss him, like he did back at the car when he never wanted to stop. He pauses with his hand on the doorknob and takes a deep breath.  _ Get a grip _ .   
  
He enters the room and huffs out a quiet laugh, shutting the door silently behind him.

 

Jared is passed out already, sprawled half on his stomach with his face smushed into his pillow but turned towards Jensen’s bed. 

 

_ Well, that makes it easy, _ he thinks, smiling, and tosses his damp towel into the corner. He stands between their beds a moment, taking in the peaceful, comforting sight of Jared sleeping, and this time he doesn’t hesitate when he reaches out to tuck back some of Jared’s hair and leans to place a kiss at Jared’s temple. He turns off the light and folds himself into bed, turning on his side to face Jared. He sighs again, tries to let go of the near-disaster that was today, and hopes sleep comes quickly.

 

\---

 

Jared startles awake. The moment his eyes open it’s gone, but it’s not a stretch for him to guess what was plaguing his dreams. His hand comes up and rubs absentmindedly at his throat as his breathing evens out. He blinks into the darkness and figures it still has to be in the dead of night. His eyes are adjusted quickly and he looks over across the room to where Jensen is sleeping.

 

Except that Jensen is awake. He’s lying on his back, his arms crossed over his chest, and Jared can see the whites of his eyes in the dark. He can see him wincing, too, and Jared sits up immediately.

 

“Jensen? Are you okay?” He whispers even though it’s just them in the room.

 

“Yeah, Jay. Go back to sleep, alright?” Jensen answers just as quietly, without looking at him. Jared is having none of that.

 

He swings his legs out from under the covers and crosses the distance between them, settling on the edge of Jensen’s bed, by which time Jensen is looking up at him dejectedly. 

 

“You should really try to go back to sleep,” Jensen persists. Jared thinks that’s rich coming from him, since  _ he’s _ the one who struggles with the shuteye, so he keeps talking like Jensen didn’t even say it. 

 

“It’s your head, isn’t it.” It’s not a question because Jared can tell the answer. Jensen’s face is tight with pain, crinkles at his eyes that aren’t from a smile.

 

“It’s nothing I’m not used to, Jay,” Jensen admits faintly. 

 

Jared worries his bottom lip between his teeth. He felt braver before, from his own bed, but now, sitting on the edge of Jensen’s with Jensen looking up at him like he does, he gets nervous.

 

“You said – before you said…” Jared starts and trails off, his hands fidgeting in his lap. 

 

“What, Jay?” Jensen gives him a minute before prompting him, resting a hand on top of his to make them still. 

 

Jared is nervous but he wants this  – for himself, and for Jensen, too  – especially if there’s even a small chance it will help, but he’s nervous. It’s been a long time since the last time  – Jared is shy, he has his best friend and his work, and he’s happy to hide in his academics for the most part  – and everything with Jensen feels so big. He takes a deep breath and goes for it.

 

He stands back up.

 

“Jared, what – ?” Jensen starts to ask but then Jared is lifting up his blankets and Jensen gets with it right away, moving back in the bed to make room for him.

 

Jared tucks himself along Jensen’s side, his head pillowed on Jensen’s shoulder and his arm around Jensen’s waist, one leg hitched over his thigh. Jensen feels tense under him again, like the first few seconds of their kiss in the car, but Jared just holds onto him more tightly, burrowing his face into Jensen’s chest.

 

Finally, Jensen breathes out, relaxing, and Jared can breathe easily again, too. Jensen tilts his head so his chin is against the top of Jared’s head. He covers the arm Jared has across his stomach with his own and the arm under Jared’s neck bends back so Jensen’s hand is in his hair. He starts to comb through it with his fingers and Jared hums, smiling against Jensen’s skin.

 

Jensen’s other hand is tracing lines back and forth along Jared’s arm and it’s soothing, making it all too easy for Jared to get sleepy again. Jensen hasn’t said anything  – has simply let Jared take up the space in his too-small-for-two bed  – but he’s got to be sure before he passes out half on top of him.

 

“Is this okay?” Jared asks, his voice muffled by their closeness. Jensen gives his arm a squeeze.

 

“Yeah, Jay. It’s okay,” he murmurs. 

 

Jared happily settles where he is, letting his body get heavy and slack as sleep creeps back in. He listens to the steady rhythm of Jensen’s heart next to his ear, his head rising and falling minutely with the in and out of Jensen’s breathing; he can’t be sure but Jensen’s hands have stilled on his body and in his hair, and Jared is glad to think that, just maybe, Jensen is sleeping now, too.

 

\---

 

Jensen is surprised by how bright it is in their room when he wakes up. He apparently slept solidly after Jared crawled into his arms last night  – possibly the first real, full night of sleep he’s managed since he found himself on a random fishing boat in the middle of the Mexican Gulf. 

 

Jared is a warm, heavy weight along his side, his face is still turned in against his chest and Jensen can feel the huffs of his open-mouthed breaths on his skin. Waking up this way is gentle and easily one of the most pleasant things he’s experienced since losing his memory  – apart from the taste of Jared’s mouth and the feel of his lips when they’d kissed  – and not for the first time he wonders about how many mornings he had like this before, and with whom. He knows it’s kind of sappy and maybe dangerous to think it, but memory or no he can’t imagine anyone else feeling as good or as right lying next to him as Jared does.

 

He sighs and gives himself a minute to enjoy it even though he really does have to get them moving. Jared will want to shower and Jensen has to acquire them a new vehicle for the drive to Miami. He trails his hand up and down Jared’s exposed back  – his skin is so soft and smooth  – and marvels at how the giant man somehow manages to look  _ small _ where he’s curled around him, his long long legs folded up and under Jensen’s, his arm a comforting heaviness across his waist. He looks so much better than he did the night before, all the warm, sunny colour back in his face and none of that pallor or tension that had been there following the disaster at Jensen’s apartment. 

 

Jensen doesn’t let himself dwell on those events, desperate to avoid the tight, sinking feeling in his stomach when he thinks about the danger and now death that seems to be following him  – following  _ them _ . Instead, he increases the pressure of his hand where it still moves, open, across Jared’s back and tilts his head down to kiss the top of Jared’s head, nuzzling his nose into Jared’s messy morning hair and feeling comforted by the smell of him.

 

Jared stirs, makes a small sound in his throat, and then seems only to tuck himself more tightly into Jensen’s body. 

 

“‘Morning, sunshine,” Jensen says softly, smiling as he tries to look down at Jared’s face.

 

“Mmm,” Jared hums and Jensen feels his lips press against his side in a lazy kiss.

 

“Did you sleep okay?” Jensen asks, and Jared finally squirms and looks up at him. 

 

“Yeah. Did  _ you _ ?” Jared fixes him with a pointed gaze and Jensen has to laugh a little; here he is, this mysteriously trained fighter and his uncoordinated, academic escort is always looking after him. It’s incredibly endearing and warms Jensen’s heart.

 

“Yeah, Jay,” he answers, smiling softly. “After you joined me.” 

 

Jared looks like he tries to stifle his full smile for a moment but he fails beautifully, beaming bashfully up at Jensen with those damned dimples of his denting his flushed cheeks, clearly pleased, and Jensen has to bite his lip looking back down at him. He’d give his right hand to never see that smile leave Jared’s face. 

 

Jensen brings his hand to Jared’s chin and tilts it up, leaning down to meet Jared’s lips.

 

“You take your time, shower, grab breakfast and whatever you need to do, okay? I’m gonna get dressed and get us a car. We can head out when I get back,” Jensen says around small kisses.

 

Jared pulls back to look at him.

 

“Get us a car,” he repeats with a raised eyebrow. “I don’t want to know how you plan on doing that, do I?”

 

Jensen tries to look innocent when he shrugs his shoulders and gives Jared a toothy grin. To his credit, Jared just laughs, breathy, and shakes his head. 

 

“Well alright then,” is what he says, and finally he starts to untangle their limbs and roll back so that Jensen can get out of the bed.

 

Jared immediately flops onto his stomach in the warm spot left by Jensen’s absence, and from under the disheveled curtain of his hair he watches Jensen dig a new shirt out of his bag. Jensen’s smile is sly as he gets dressed, watching Jared watch him, watching that pretty colour creep up into his cheeks again.

 

“Be back soon,” he says with a wink as he leaves, pulling the door closed behind him. He grabs breakfast from the cafe on his way out, and then he wanders off to find a parking garage and a car to hotwire.


	4. Chapter 4

Jensen returns to the hostel just as Jared walks out with three quarters of a chocolate croissant sticking out of his mouth, their bag over his shoulder and hot, sugar-filled, whipped something or other latte-like concoction in his left hand. Jared knows on some level it’s not good that Jensen is pulling up in a car that is clearly not his – a five or six year old, black Toyota Matrix – and on another level he knows it’s worse that he’s been with Jensen less than three full days and already is less phased by this that he should be, but Jensen is such a beautiful distraction as he unfolds himself from the driver’s side that Jared can only take the croissant from his mouth with his free hand and try not to choke on his mouthful. 

 

Jensen smirks at him like he knows how Jared is looking at him, which he probably does, and Jared curses that his cheeks are warm again and clears his throat after managing to successfully swallow the piece of pastry.

 

“Hop in, handsome,” Jensen says, entirely too chipper for anyone this side of noon as far as Jared’s concerned, tapping the roof of the car before getting back inside. 

 

Jared climbs in the passenger side and shoves their duffel bag on the floor behind his feet. 

 

“Ready, Jay?” Jensen looks over at him as he buckles in. He’s smiling but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Jared can tell he isn’t just asking about the drive to Miami, he’s asking in general. He’s giving Jared another chance to bail. It only makes Jared’s resolve that much firmer.

 

“Absolutely. Let’s get out of here,” Jared beams back at him and melts a little inside when he can see Jensen’s subtle relief in the way his smile grows and those crinkles at his eyes get that much deeper. 

 

Five hours later they’re approaching Lafayette, Louisiana when they finally pull over at a vacant rest stop to stretch their legs and Jared debates whether or not he should fight Jensen to take over driving for a bit. There’s a copse of trees in the space between the stop and the road, giving the illusion of privacy. The sun is out and the breeze is a welcome relief from the heat as they unfold themselves from the car. It’s a beautiful day and the drive has been quiet and pleasant. When Jared looks over the top of the vehicle at Jensen, they meet each other’s eyes just in time for Jared’s stomach to rumble audibly.

 

The sound makes Jensen huff out a laugh and Jared does the same while his hand comes to pat his belly.

 

“I think there’s still some of your  _ quality gummies _ in the bag,” Jensen suggests, his tone teasing. Jared laughs outright and rolls his eyes, bending down to fish out their duffle. 

 

“You know, I’m not sure I can share them with you if they’re so unappreciated,” Jared teases right back, playing at being offended. 

 

“Well, we’ll be passing through Lafayette in maybe half an hour and we can grab some real food there, okay?”

 

“Sounds good,” Jared agrees while he opens the duffle on the top of the car. He’s rooting around looking for the remaining candies when he moves his pair of shorts and reveals his cell phone at the bottom of the bag. “Oh my god.”

 

“What?” Jensen asks, concerned by Jared’s shock.

 

Jared slides a hand through his hair, tugging at it, and looks back at Jensen clearly panicked.

 

“It– it’s Gen. She’s called me  _ 27  _ times since we left Mexico City. I– I completely forgot to– oh, God. I wasn’t even thinking. She must be so worried. She’s going to be fucking pissed–” Jared fumbles with his phone and hits the dial back. Jensen seems to have relaxed at Jared’s news – since it’s nothing life-threatening – and he comes around the car to lean on the rear door and watch as Jared phones her.

 

Jared feels like a colossal asshat while he listens to the rings and braces himself for what’s coming. She picks up the line.

 

“I’m okay, Gen. I swear!” He squawks quickly before she has a chance to speak.

 

“ _JARED!_ _Jesus Christ_ – _where the hell are you? You can’t pick up your phone? I’ve been going out of my mind here!”_

 

Jared winces as her tiny voice comes through loud and clear on his phone, enough that even Jensen is wincing sympathetically because he can obviously hear her, too.

 

“Gen, I am  _ so, so _ sorry. I swear everything is fine. I’m okay, I just…”

 

“ _ You just  _ what _ , Jared? The freakin’ police came by, Jared. THE POLICE. They were asking questions, when I’d seen you last… They think you’ve been abducted. ABDUCTED!” _

 

She stops yelling for a moment to catch her breath and Jared doesn’t say anything, just anxiously bites at his lip.

 

_ “Well? So what is it, then? If you’re fine, where are you? What are you doing?” _

 

Jared looks at Jensen, lost as to what to say, and Jensen looks sorry when he shakes his head. He silently mouths the words: “the less she knows the better – to keep her safe.” Jared sighs. He knows Jensen is right. He also knows that Gen isn’t going to buy it, and she’s going to keep being pissed.

 

“I… I can’t tell you.” 

 

“ _ You can’t tell me? Are you joking? Jared, the  _ police _ are looking for you, do you understand that? I’ve had to cover for you to the University. I’ve been worried sick. How can you not tell me? How am I supposed to believe you’re not in some kind of trouble?” _

 

Jared honestly doesn’t know what to say. They’ve been best friends since forever and they’ve never kept secrets – not like this.

 

“Gen, it– it’s complicated.”

 

“ _ Complicated _ ,” she repeats, sounding unimpressed. Then she gasps. “ _ Jesus Christ _ – _ Jared, you  _ met _ someone, didn’t you?” _

 

Her tone is absolutely accusatory and Jared’s eyes go wide as he looks to Jensen. Jensen is almost impressed.

 

“Uh, well– it– no, of course not,” Jared stutters out, and he knows how unconvincing it sounds.

 

“ _ Oh. My. God. Jared Tristan Padalecki I cannot  _ believe _ you! Except that I can. Dammit, you better not end up in a Mexican prison somewhere over some guy! _ ”

 

“He’s not just  _ some guy _ , Gen, he–!” Jared cuts himself off abruptly when he remembers that the guy in question is in fact standing in front of him with his arms folded across his chest and wearing an expression that is definitely curious and vaguely smug. Jared feels his face burn like fire in the next instant and clears his throat to try again.

 

“I mean, it’s not… it’s not like that, okay? You have to trust me. I– I’ll explain everything later.”  

 

Gen is quiet for a moment on the other end and Jared can practically hear her thinking, can imagine her standing there looking exasperated and serious as she contemplates everything he’s said because he’s been on the receiving end of that look many times before.

 

“ _ I just _ – _ I’m scared for you, Jay. I don’t know what kind of trouble you’re getting into but… I don’t want you to get your heart broken, either. I know you. This ‘not just some guy’  _ – _ you’re obviously falling pretty hard, whatever you’re doing. I know it’s been a long time, but… Please,  _ please  _ be safe, okay?” _

 

Jared groans internally, still blushing because he knows Jensen can hear every word that she says. He can’t make himself look at Jensen right now, too scared of what he might see written on his face.

 

“I– I am being safe, okay? I promise. And I probably won’t be able to call for a few days or– or whatever but I’ll try to be in touch when I can. Just tell the University I had a– a family emergency. Back in Texas, and I’m not sure when I’ll be back yet.”

 

Gen sighs.

 

“ _ Okay, Jared. Okay. But only because I fucking love you, alright? God. You owe me huge for this, you know,” _ she laughs a little but also sniffles and Jared knows she’s trying to make light of it, have faith in him, but she’s still really, really worried. “ _ I demand all the dirty details when you get back, I mean it. _ ”

 

Jared does bark out a small laugh at that.

 

“Okay, Gen. No detail will be spared. And I love you, too. I’ll be in touch when I can,” Jared’s voice is soft by the end. He knows this is getting close to goodbye, at least for now.

 

“ _ Okay, Padalecki. Take care of you,” _ Gen returns, softly, too.

 

“You, too,” Jared finally hangs up. He closes his eyes and holds the phone to his chest, his head tilted down, and he’s a little surprised that his eyes have welled up a bit. He chose this – still chooses it – would choose it again – but talking to Gen has made the danger seem that much more real. And he knows the plan is that he’ll see her again but suddenly he realizes he really doesn’t know when that will be. And then there’s Jensen, less than a foot away, having heard every word of their conversation. Jared needs a moment.

 

Jensen gives it to him, waiting quietly beside him while he sniffles, tosses the phone back into their bag and then both in the open passenger window. Jared settles back against the side of the car and wipes the back of one hand across his eyes. He takes a deep breath to steady himself but before he looks up again Jensen is already moving. 

 

Jensen stands in front of him, in the slightly open vee of his legs, and gently reaches for him. He slides his hands up and down Jared’s forearms and then puts one hand under Jared’s chin to make him look him in the eye.

 

“You okay, Jay?” His eyes are so, so green in the daylight and they’re full of concern. 

 

“Yeah, I just…” Jared sniffles again. “I hadn’t realized how much had happened, how much I was forgetting about, and Gen…” he trails off because he’s not sure what he means to say, but Jensen seems to understand. 

 

He comes closer so that he can wrap Jared in his arms. Jared doesn’t hesitate to burrow his face in Jensen’s shoulder and melt into him, safe and warm in his embrace and the sun overhead while they hug leaning up against the Matrix. They stay like that for several long minutes, with Jensen rubbing his hands up and down Jared’s back.

 

“I’m sorry I’ve taken you away from all that,” Jensen whispers, his mouth brushing the side of Jared’s face when he speaks. “It’s not too late, you know. Really, and… I’d understand.”

 

Jared pulls back to look up at him, eyes pleading.

 

“Jensen, don’t. Please. I meant it when I said I wasn’t going to leave you. I’m  _ not  _ leaving you.”

 

Jared’s hands fist in the front of Jensen’s shirt, and he hopes the look he’s giving him conveys how serious he is. He wants to make sure Jensen knows he’s not alone in this.

 

There’s a twitch at the corner of Jensen’s mouth as he tries not to smile.

 

“‘Cause… you’re falling for me pretty hard, huh?” Jensen is clearly trying to tease him with the ammunition garnered from his conversation with Gen – and it works, of course, Jared’s face is flushing again, embarrassed – but Jared can see past that, too. Jensen is… hopeful, and maybe… nervous. Jared swallows hard. He tries to find his voice and his bravery.

 

“Yeah,” he finally admits, quietly, into the shrinking space between them and tries to keep his voice from shaking, from giving away everything. “I really am.”

 

Jensen looks relieved for a split second before he simply looks pleased. He hums happily and tilts Jared’s chin with the hand that’s still under it and leans in to kiss him. It’s only chaste for a moment before Jensen’s tongue is tracing the seam of Jared’s lips and he parts them to let Jensen in. 

 

Jensen kisses with his whole body, pressing in against Jared, grabbing his hip with one hand and sliding the other into Jared’s hair. It’s overwhelming – being surrounded by Jensen like this, Jensen’s tongue moving along his own, the soft pressure of his lips, the squeeze and tug of those hands of his. They’re rough – Jensen’s hands – but Jared isn’t scared of them, even after seeing what they can do yesterday. Right now, with him, they’re firm but they’re gentle, and Jared feels safe in them. 

 

When Jensen pulls at his hair just that little bit, Jared whimpers into the kiss, tries to open for more, wants to give Jensen everything. He subconsciously cants his hips, angling so he can press himself against Jensen’s body. When the hard length of him finds the resistance of Jensen’s hip they both gasp, their lips still brushing.

 

“Jared…” Jensen sighs, and pushes against him, increasing that pressure so Jared groans again. He kisses up Jared’s jaw while Jared’s hips work in a subtle rhythm under him. “God, you feel so big, Jay.”

 

Jared shivers at the husky sound of Jensen’s voice right at his ear. Jensen drags his teeth over the soft lobe, bites gently and gives a little tug. Jared’s skin pebbles up despite the heat, completely at Jensen’s mercy. Jensen puts more weight into his hips where he’s pinning Jared, and Jared can feel the hard heat of him straining behind his jeans. He whines brokenly, twisting to try and line them up. Jensen is still teasing his ear with his lips and his teeth and Jared is so fucking turned on he’s ready to bust right out of his too-tight, too-small skin.

 

“If we weren’t on the side of the road right now, Jared, fuck,” Jensen almost growls and Jared’s stomach flutters, makes him jittery. He finally lets go of Jensen’s shirt and, with shaking hands reaches around, sliding down Jensen’s back to palm his ass and he groans as he pulls them closer. 

 

“But we’re in enough trouble already without…” Jensen goes with Jared’s hands, rolling their hips together and Jared shudders.

 

“W-what, Jen?” Jared stutters, struggling to find his voice. 

 

“I’d get on my knees,” he whispers, and Jared sucks in a startled breath. “On my knees for you, Jay. Want you in my face, want to breathe you in, know how you taste when you’re worked up and want me…” 

 

Jared is trembling now, all over. Jensen’s rich voice and teasing words are like a shot of the best top shelf liquor, potent and heady. He can barely catch his breath and the way they’re rubbing together even through their pants is getting him close now that Jensen has painted that particular picture. But Jensen isn’t stopping, his mouth still brushing over the shell of Jared’s ear as he keeps talking, and it’s all Jared can do to cling to him.

 

“Want to feel you stretch my mouth, Jay, feel you at the back of my throat, fill me up and let you use me. Baby, want to swallow you all the way down, want you to make my jaw  _ ache _ for the size of you…”

 

“ _ Jen _ –,” Jared moans, and he’s frantically pulling at Jensen, his hands unable to settle anywhere for the way he needs to get Jensen impossibly closer.    
  


“Fuck, Jared. I– I don’t– I can’t help myself around you, barely know what I’m saying,” Jensen is almost laughing, seems almost as out of his mind as Jared feels right now; the sight of him like that does nothing to slow the feeling building low in Jared’s gut, the heat at the base of his spine that threatens to boil over with every drag of Jensen’s hips and the words spilling off Jensen’s tongue.   
  


“I can’t remember anything– any _ one _ before you but–” Jensen pulls back to look at him, earnest, and then kisses him, hard “–I don’t even want to, Jay. I just– I just want you. All of you,  _ fuck _ –”

 

Jared cries out against Jensen’s lethal lips, stilling under him as he comes in his pants like a goddamn teenager. 

 

“Jesus,  _ Jared, _ ” Jensen moans and the rhythm of his own hips stutters; he rolls them once, again, and then Jared can hardly believe it but he’s pretty sure from the broken noises caught in Jensen’s throat that Jensen is coming, too. 

 

Jared is thankful for the way Jensen’s body is helping him stay upright; his knees are weak and he feels heavy. Jensen sighs and strokes a hand through Jared’s hair before putting their foreheads together. They catch their breaths like that, and then Jensen is kissing him again, slow and lazy like they didn’t just get off while making out in a public – albeit empty – rest stop. When Jensen finally releases his mouth, he’s smiling like Jared hasn’t seem him do before, and Jared is stunned; Jensen is so beautiful and Jared is hopelessly, dangerously gone for him. He’s completely doomed.

 

“Um,” Jared starts, though he’s not sure where he’s going with it.

 

“Um?” Jensen echoes. He’s still smiling but there’s that look again, just below the surface, the one that Jared recognizes as how vulnerable Jensen is in all this; they’re both strangers, the trust and leap of faith goes both ways, even if it is Jensen’s life that seems to be the one inherently plagued with danger. 

 

“God, Jensen,” Jared laughs and kisses him quick. He can feel Jensen’s smile against his lips.

 

“Yeah?” Jensen mumbles, sounding hopeful and pleased. 

 

“Yeah,” Jared answers, reassuring, around more kisses.

 

“Okay,” Jensen says, pulling back again and looking at Jared with his beautifully flushed face. He reaches past Jared to grab their duffle back through the window. “Do you know Gen’s number by heart? Her email? Other important numbers?”

 

Jared’s brow knits together as he watches Jensen dig around inside the bag.

 

“Yeah. Why?”

 

Jensen pulls out his cell phone, looks apologetic.

 

“We really shouldn’t have this on us. It… could be tracked.”

 

Jared blinks, the risks attached to Jensen slamming back to the foreground after their brief, carefree break.

 

“Oh. Okay. Whatever you think, Jensen,” Jared says, nodding dumbly and watching as Jensen takes the sim card out, cracks it in half, then drops the phone on the ground and slams his heel into it, crushing it beyond repair.

 

“Also, we uh, might want to change before we leave,” Jensen gestures to the bag where their spare clothes are with a little smirk.

 

“Smart,” Jared agrees, standing up fully and feeling the uncomfortable, tacky wetness in his shorts as he moves. 

 

They take turns changing while standing mostly hidden behind the Matrix, the other watching for any vehicles joining them at the stop. They luck out; it isn’t until they’re settled inside the car, Jensen behind the wheel again, that a minivan pulls up behind them. They watch the young family pile out of it in the rearview and then share a knowing look that makes Jared’s cheeks pink up again.    
  


Jensen takes his hand in his, resting them on Jared’s thigh, and then they’re pulling out and back on the road to Miami. 

 

\---

 

They get lunch at a drive-thru in Lafayette but Jared makes Jensen pull over so he can eat while he’s not driving, at which point he also makes Jensen let him take over driving altogether. They talk a little as they pick up the road again with Jensen asking for more stories about Jared’s friendship with Gen, but Jared is keenly aware of how the roll of the car on the highway and the soft drone of his voice lull Jensen into that place that lets him sleep, headache free, so he encourages Jensen to do just that. 

 

Jared uses Jensen’s sleep to power through the next seven or so hours, only pulling over once to piss on the side of the road. It’s after dark and Jensen wakes up on his own as they pull into Tallahassee, Florida. It’s as good a time as any to grab something to eat and switch places again, so they do. 

 

Jensen is back in the driver’s seat and Jared is wiped from the day’s worth of quiet driving. It’s not long until he’s passed out himself, curled up small with his hand for a pillow between his head and the window. 

 

\---

 

Jensen drives around Miami until he finds an unobtrusive hostel off the main streets. He was going to wake Jared but when he doesn’t stir even as Jensen parks, he just makes sure the doors are locked before he goes to check them in and gives Jared the extra few minutes. It’s nearly two in the morning – they made excellent time – and Jensen  _ is _ tired but he’d also be lying if he tried to say he hadn’t spent the last part of the drive replaying their roadside stop from earlier today, the feel of Jared hard against him, the curves of his back and ass, the taste of his mouth… it kept him awake, anyway, which was good, but it also means he’s antsy to get Jared behind a closed door and preferably on a bed. 

 

He gets back to the car and Jared is still dead to the world, mouth open and the fingers of his hand curled up limply in his lap. Jensen taps the window gently and Jared blinks awake, looking up at him through his hair and the glass, his mouth spreading into a slow, lazy smile. Jensen grabs their bag and takes Jared’s hand when he unfolds himself from the car, leading him to their room along the dark, downtown street. 

 

Jensen tries not to hesitate when he finally opens the door of their room for Jared, hoping he hasn’t been too presumptuous and Jared won’t be upset. Jared walks in ahead of him and then stops; Jensen sees his breath catch when his eyes find the bed – the single, large bed in the middle of the otherwise bare-bones room. 

 

“Is it okay? If it’s not okay I can– I just thought, after last night, and then– but just say, and–”

 

“Jensen,” Jared says, smiling softly and cutting him off. “It’s fine. It’s more than fine – it’s good. We’ll actually fit this time.”   
  
Jared’s easy grin is reassuring and does the trick calming the sudden flurry of nerves in Jensen’s belly. He lets out a shaky laugh and rubs a hand along the back of his neck.

 

“Yeah,” he sighs, breathy. “Okay.”

 

The air seems thick between them while they set about making up the bed from the linens that were folded and waiting. Jensen isn’t sure if he’s imagining it because of where his head’s been all night or if it’s really going both ways and Jared is just as anxious to get to bed with him. Jensen takes the first turn in the small, shared bathroom next to their room and then comes back and strips down to his boxer-briefs while Jared takes his turn.

 

Jensen sits down on the bed facing away from the door and gets a little lost in his thoughts and plans for tomorrow. One of his names – aliases? – as a registered guest at the Hotel Beaux Arts is the only lead he has. He’s not sure what he expects to learn but he hopes it will give him  _ something _ else to go on. The hotel itself is really ritzy – an expensive, five-star establishment in the fancy part of town – and Jensen isn’t sure what to make of that, either. His own apartment had seemed expensive, despite being completely devoid of anything personal or otherwise revealing, and just as Jensen seems to just  _ know _ certain things, he’s starting to dread finding out what he  _ thinks _ he knows about himself based on all the pieces of the puzzle so far. He’s so absorbed he doesn’t realize Jared has returned to the room until he hears the sharp intake of breath behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

 

Jared isn’t quiet when he closes the door to their room behind him but it’s clear that he startles Jensen when he does. Jared can’t help the loud gasp he makes when his eyes find Jensen sitting shirtless on the bed.

 

He’s seen Jensen without a shirt before over the last two days but apparently not from this angle. He’s also been aware of the fact that Jensen mentioned he’d been shot –  _ twice _ – but seeing his back for the first time now…

 

There are two red, misshapen, almost-circular scars. One is high, just under Jensen’s right shoulder blade, and the other is farther down his back and closer to his spine. They’re rough and ugly looking, dark and contrasting to the rest of Jensen’s smooth, creamy skin, the sprinkle of freckles the only other markings. 

 

“Jensen, Jesus…” Jared breathes, dropping his towel and toothbrush on their duffle before crawling across the bed to him on his knees. 

 

Jensen sits mostly still under Jared’s scrutiny, his hands holding the edge of the bed, and he looks back over his shoulder just in time to see Jared tentatively reach out and then withdraw his hand.

 

“It– it’s okay, Jay. They’re just a little sore if I move hard, is all. You can touch them. I know you’ll be gentle.” Jensen’s voice is hushed as he turns away again, exposing his back to Jared all the more, baring it to him, and Jared is struck by the gesture of trust. He swallows hard and reaches out again, barely brushing the first mark with his fingertip.

 

The skin feels strangely smooth as scar tissue does, somehow hard under his hand, and he traces the lines of it being mindful of how they’re still only a couple weeks fresh whatever Jensen says about them, and he doesn’t miss how Jensen’s skin pebbles with goosebumps as he draws his finger down his spine towards the other one. 

 

Jared traces the second point of entry and not for the first time today it hits him, hard, just how very real this is: Jensen, the danger, the possibility that–

 

He sighs, shaky, and makes himself stop thinking about it. It scares him – it does – but not enough to change his mind or make him want Jensen any less. He can sense that Jensen is just sitting, waiting, letting him do whatever, and Jared leans forward to place a trembling kiss to the higher of the scars. He can hear the way Jensen sucks in a breath at the barely-there contact, and it makes Jared shivery, too. 

 

“Jared…” Jensen seems to exhale his name and Jared swallows again, thick for the quick intimacy of the moment they’re in.

 

Jensen turns to look at him, taking inventory of Jared’s lips and finally his eyes, but his own narrow as he twists and reaches out for Jared’s arm.

 

“Jared, are you okay? You– you’re shaking,” Jensen asks, voice steeped in concern.

 

Jared lets out a shaky laugh, leaning into Jensen’s touch.

 

“Yeah, Jen. I’m not the one who was shot, you know,” he tosses back, joking, but Jensen still looks serious.

 

“I mean it, Jen. I really am good. I mean–” Jared rests his forearms on Jensen’s shoulders now that Jensen is on his knees in front of him, too. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m scared. I was terrified in your apartment like I’ve never been before in my entire life. I was scared when you smashed my phone up because it hadn’t occurred to me that having it could be dangerous, and I’m scared now looking at the bullet holes in your back. Actual, real bullet holes because you were actually, really shot and– how is this my life, you know? It got crazy, really fast, but Jensen…”

 

Jared fixes Jensen with a serious stare. Jensen has looked increasingly apologetic and guilty with Jared’s words but Jared waits for Jensen to meet his eyes before he continues.    
  
“None of that – you hear me? None of it – is enough to make me want to leave you. I still– God help me, Jensen, I just want to be with you. I– I’m crazy about you – this is crazy – and I don’t care. I don’t care about any of it – just you.”

 

Jensen lets out a wet, nearly-relieved laugh under his breath at the force of Jared’s words. 

 

“Jared, I don’t–” Jensen starts with a sniffle. “What about when it is enough? What if what we learn about me, my past… what about when that’s enough? I don’t deserve you, Jared.”

 

It’s just a whisper and Jensen’s eyes are glistening in the low lamplight of their room and Jared knows that it’s possible what Jensen says but he  _ still _ doesn’t care. He’s crazy about the Jensen that’s pressed up against him right now, the one with his arms around his waist and the crinkles at his eyes when he laughs, the richness of his voice, and the callouses on his fingers. 

 

“Shut up, Jensen,” Jared laughs. “Stop trying to talk me out of you. You’re stuck with me remember?”

 

Jensen smiles up at him.

 

“Yeah, but–” Jensen starts, and Jared can tell he’s playing now. Jared rolls his eyes dramatically and makes him shut up with a kiss. He loves the way Jensen’s smiling lips feel against his own, the perfect plush of them, and he wastes no time teasing them open with his tongue. He loves the taste of Jensen, might already be addicted to it, and he moans, quiet and happy, when their tongues brush together in Jensen’s mouth. 

 

Jensen hugs him close with arms that tighten around him so they’re flush together from knee to chest, his one hand coming up to hold the back of Jared’s head, threading his fingers through his hair. His other hand slides lower, wrapped around Jared’s ass, and they’re both already half-hard trapped between them. 

 

Panting, Jensen pulls back and nips at Jared’s lips. 

 

“Lie down, Jay,” he says, breathless, and Jared is happy to do as he says. He scrambles backwards up the bed, dropping down so his head is on a pillow and he keeps his eyes on Jensen the whole time, watches Jensen stalk up his body on his hands and knees. Jensen’s posture is predatory and it makes Jared tremble but Jensen’s eyes and expression are soft and fond, gentle in a way that undoes him in a completely different way. He’s not sure how Jensen can manage to be both at once but Jared isn’t complaining, and he’s happy to give Jensen whatever he could want; it’s what Jared wants, too.

 

Jensen drops his hips so they’re lined up and they both gasp and groan at the feeling, the friction. Jensen kisses him again, deeply, and starts to move his body like a wave on top of him. Jared arches into it, and when Jensen lets go of his lips to graze his teeth along his jaw and soothe the skin there with gentle sucks of his mouth, Jared clings to him tightly, pulls him closer and digs his fingers into Jensen’s sides. 

 

“ _ Jensen _ ,” Jared keens under him, feels himself coming apart. He lets his knees fall apart in wordless invitation, begging Jensen for more. “Please.”

 

Jensen smiles darkly when he pulls back. 

 

“Jay, are you sure?”

 

“I’m sure, Jen,” Jared says, and to prove his point he squirms underneath Jensen, who backs off, understanding, so that Jared can take off his boxers. He tosses them aside and lays back down, biting his lip as he looks back at Jensen, putting himself on display. His dick is achingly hard and settles against his stomach, leaving a drop of glistening precome on his skin, and he feels the heat from Jensen’s appreciative gaze like an actual touch. It makes him shiver.

 

“God, look at you. Fucking beautiful, Jared,” Jensen says and it’s almost reverent, his voice. Jared feels himself blush. Jensen is the most beautiful man he’s ever seen; it feels all kinds of wrong for Jensen to say that to him, especially like that.

 

“I mean it, Jay. You’re incredible. Every bit of you,” Jensen adds like he can read Jared’s mind. Jared can’t help but smile at the praise, even if it doesn’t feel deserved.

 

Jensen shimmies back and strips off his underwear, too, adding them to Jared’s somewhere on the floor. He sits back on his heels in the open spread of Jared’s legs to let Jared look. His own cock is hard and dripping like Jared’s; it’s a little shorter but it’s thicker and the sight makes Jared sigh and shift wantonly, hitching his legs up a little and making more space between them. He can only imagine what he looks like, desperate, but it’s not untrue. It really has been a long time and Jared’s never seen a prettier dick than the one in front of him now. 

 

When he swallows, his mouth watering, and finally tears his eyes off all of Jensen's exquisite, exposed body to look at his face, Jensen is grinning and wags his eyebrows at him lewdly. Jared can’t help but laugh.

 

“Get down here,” he begs around his laughter and Jensen, still grinning, complies. He kisses Jared again, teases him, and then he’s petting Jared’s abused lower lip with one rough finger. He pulls back enough to make space for his hand, slipping the finger into Jared’s mouth and laying it on his tongue.

 

“Suck,” Jensen purrs and when Jared closes his mouth around Jensen’s finger to do as he was asked, they both moan. 

 

“That’s it, Jay. Get it nice and wet,” Jensen encourages and Jared hollows his cheeks, sucks hard and wiggles the tip of his tongue around the knuckle. 

 

He whimpers when Jensen takes his finger back but he knows it’s only about to get better. Jensen doesn’t disappoint, reaching down and slipping the spit-slick digit past Jared’s balls to find his hole. Jared startles at the first cool touch of Jensen’s finger against his skin and feels himself clench even as he carelessly spreads his legs as far as they’ll go.

 

“Shh, relax, Jay. I’ll take it slow, okay? That’s it…” Jensen’s voice is as soft as the pressure of his finger where it circles and strokes at his hole, and Jared starts to relax under him. He lets out a long, shaky breath and moans when Jensen’s finger finally pushes in, slow and steady all the way to the knuckle.

 

The intrusion is welcome even with the first hint of burn that quickly recedes and leaves Jared to shudder and bear down on Jensen’s hand, already wanting more. He opens his eyes and searches for Jensen’s face, finds him looking as strung out and blissed out as Jared feels. Jensen sees Jared looking at him and grins lasciviously. He slowly takes his finger back and Jared whines at the empty feeling it leaves him with, his body clenching around nothing, seeking that fullness again. 

 

In the next moment though, Jensen is putting the finger that was just  _ inside _ Jared along with another, into his own mouth.  _ Want _ spikes through Jared hot and fast and when Jensen moans around his mouthful, his eyes fluttering shut like it’s best damn thing he’s tasted all day, Jared can only curse under his breath and feel his dick twitch and leak onto his stomach.

 

“Fucking Christ, Jensen,” Jared breathes, disbelieving.

 

It looks like it takes an effort for Jensen to take the fingers out of his mouth.

 

“Taste so good, Jay,” he sighs and reaches back down between them, this time pushing both fingers into Jared’s body, slower but just as steady as before. Jared keens as he slides them all the way in, tilts his chin up and Jensen understands, leaning forward to meet his mouth in a sloppy kiss. It only gets sloppier as Jensen starts petting at his insides, stretching him out and teasing at his prostate. 

 

“ _ Jensen! _ ” Jared cries out at the first touch to the sensitive spot, his hips jerking and precome beading up at the tip of his cock. 

 

“Yeah, Jared, fuck, look so pretty right now,” Jensen mumbles against his mouth and keeps at it, relentless. Jared thrashes under him on each stroke, his knees spread and quivering on either side of Jensen’s hips.

 

“God, Jared, please–” Jensen leans back but doesn’t take away the hand he has buried in Jared’s body. With his free hand he pushes at Jared’s leg. “H-hold ‘em, Jared. I gotta–  _ yeah _ …” he sighs as Jared’s shaky hands grab under his knees and he pulls them up, completely exposing himself. Jared has been with other guys before but no one has done to him what he knows Jensen is about to do and he tries to say something – anything – because he’s about to shake right out of his skin, but he can’t find any words as Jensen scoots down the bed and gets his hand on Jared’s cheeks, spreading him open. He hooks his thumbs in Jared’s hole – Jared can feel how it’s open and  _ fuck _ the air passing over – through – him makes him feel fucking filthy but Jensen just moans and leans in. The first wiggle of Jensen’s tongue between his fingers, inside him, makes Jared shudder and elicits a sound he’s never made before. 

 

“Oh– oh, God, Jen–  _ Jensen, _ fuck–” Jared babbles mindlessly as Jensen goes at him with his tongue and teases of his teeth. He laps at Jared’s hole, drags his tongue, flat, up and down Jared’s crack and sucks at Jared’s opening and it feels so  _ dirtygoodwrongsofuckinggood _ that Jared can’t help that he’s not sure he knows up from down by the time Jensen is placing surprisingly gentle, chaste kisses around his fingers as he slowly takes them away. 

 

“Jen– Jen, Jen,  _ Jen, _ ” Jared whines when he’s empty and Jensen has let him go. He’s so, so desperate to be filled. 

 

“I know, Jay. I know. Me, too, baby. Almost there,” Jensen mumbles reassurances and Jared hears the tear of a foil packet. Jared blinks and forces himself to focus, watching as Jensen rolls a condom down the angry-hard length of himself and then reaches for a small container of lube and flicks the cap open.

 

“Where– when did you get those?” Jared pants out.

 

Despite the fact they’re both naked and Jensen just had his tongue in Jared’s ass, he still somehow manages to flush a deeper red in his face and look sheepish.

 

“I– um, got them when I– before I booked our room here. While you were sleeping in the car,” he mutters by way of explanation, his hand still moving on his dick, slicking it up. 

 

Jared manages to find enough air to huff out a laugh.

 

“I’m glad you did,” he smiles, eyeing Jensen’s hand where it’s still jacking his dick. “Now,  _ please.  _ Need you inside me, Jensen.”

 

“Oh, fuck, yes,” Jensen groans and shimmies forward. Jared is still holding his legs back and Jensen guides himself to Jared’s hole. Jared can feel how Jensen has worked him open and he just  _ gives _ when Jensen pushes in and Jared burns a little at the added stretch of him, thicker than his fingers, but it’s so  _ good _ . Jared sighs and Jensen grunts as he slides in all the way to the base. 

 

“God, you’re so tight, Jared. Fuck, feels so good.”

 

Jared moans his agreement and, having waited a minute to adjust, starts to experiment with rocking his hips under Jensen’s weight.

 

“ _ Yes, _ ” Jensen hisses out, long and breathy, and he starts to move, too. 

 

They’ve been at this long enough now that slow and easy isn’t really an option. Jensen finds a fast, steady pace, pulling back and slamming back in hard, and Jared rocks to meet him in time. Jensen is punching soft grunts out of Jared on every thrust and Jensen isn’t faring much better, gasping and moaning as he carves into the welcoming heat of Jared’s body. Jensen is supporting himself above Jared with a hand on either side of his head and as he leans down to kiss him, his weight pressing Jared’s folded legs between them, he talks against Jared’s mouth.

 

“Jay– Jay I’m not gonna last long. C’mon, touch yourself. Make yourself come. Wanna feel you around my cock, please baby, please.”

 

Jared moans and reaches to take his cock in his hand. The leg he has to let go of trembles all the more as he keeps it up but he’s not going to last long either. Jensen is brushing his prostate with most of his thrusts and Jensen had already gotten him so close with his fingers and his tongue–  _ fuck _ . He’s only given himself a handful of tugs before he’s crying out Jensen’s name and coming, spilling over his fist and up his stomach. 

 

“Fuck yeah, Jay, oh fuck–” Jensen’s rhythm breaks and Jared can feel the way his dick stiffens inside him before he comes, too, filling the condom and stilling above him altogether.

 

They’re frozen like that a moment, their bodies getting heavy in the after-glow. They’re both trying to catch their breath but Jensen kisses at him lazily, just a brush of lips and tease of tongue, and they’re both smiling. Jared’s legs shudder and Jensen immediately moves so he can put them down, reaching to hold the base of the condom and pull out as carefully as he can.

 

They both wince as he leaves Jared empty, but Jensen is quick to help Jared ease his legs back down to the bed, at which point Jared melts into the mattress and isn’t sure he’ll be able to move again for the near future. 

 

“You okay, Jay?” Jensen asks, one hand rubbing up and down his leg, the other still holding the condom on his softening dick. 

 

Jared chuckles and grins.

 

“Yeah, Jensen. That was– it was amazing. You’re amazing.”

 

Jensen beams and then leans down to kiss Jared again for real, unhurried. Finally, he sits back so he can take off the condom and tie it off, tossing it in the waste basket in the corner. He reaches over to grab a pair of their boxers from the floor and cleans them both up –  Jared first – even though Jared fidgets under his hands and flushes, embarrassed now that the sex-fog has kind of lifted. 

 

Jensen seems to sense his discomfort and smiles at him kindly, then leans down and kisses his hip.

 

“It’s fine, Jay. Let me take care of you,” his voice is soft and Jared relaxes into it despite himself.

 

Jared watches him through half-lidded eyes and when Jensen is satisfied he tosses the underwear-turned-cloth into the garbage before crawling back up the bed and laying down at Jared’s side.

 

“No shower tonight?” Jared slurs tiredly as he settles back against Jensen’s chest, pushing his hips back into his lap. 

 

“Nah, too tired now,” Jensen mumbles against his shoulder, equally sleepy. “Besides, I figured I’d try to sneak into yours.”

 

Jared can feel Jensen’s smile against his skin and it makes him smile, too. 

 

“G’night, Jay,” Jensen whispers. 

 

“Night, Jen,” Jared whispers back. He leans forward to turn off the light, Jensen rolling forward with him. They waste no time getting settled back on the bed and falling asleep.

 

\---

 

“Tell me again. I need you to be sure,” Jensen asks, again, and Jared rolls his eyes. “Please, Jared.”

 

Jared levels him with an exasperated look. They  _ have _ spent all morning going over this but Jensen isn’t comfortable so he can’t help himself from asking for this last confirmation.  

 

“The number for the payphone is 305-421-3894. There are three exits – service at the back, and the side one that goes out to the street and past the shops – but the front is best. If I think I’m being followed, come out with the bag over my right shoulder.”

 

“And?” Jensen prompts and Jared huffs.

 

“And don’t look back until you make contact.”

 

“Good. So one last time: when you get in there, I need distances. You walk in, you pick a spot – some midpoint in the lobby. I want you to count your steps to that spot and then remember that number because after I call you, I can get you moving. You understand?” Jared humours him by nodding seriously even though Jensen can tell he’s fighting the impulse to roll his eyes again. 

 

“You also need a head count from the time I walk in until I get to the desk – how many hotel employees and obviously security. You'll call me so I can give you the layout and then we'll take it from there.” Jared looks smug when he finishes speaking, having successfully parroted Jensen’s earlier instructions, and Jensen finally lets himself huff out a small laugh.

 

“Jensen, I got this. We need this information, right? It’s going to be fine,” he leans in and gives Jensen a quick kiss. “Okay?”

 

Jensen smiles despite his nerves at having to send Jared in to do this legwork. They couldn’t risk someone recognizing Jensen and their alternatives are limited but Jensen doesn’t have to like it, and he doesn’t.

 

“Okay, Jay.” Jensen finally accepts, and gives Jared a nod. Jared turns around and heads for the hotel, leaving Jensen standing by possibly one of the only payphones left in Miami, coincidentally within eyesight of the Hotel Beaux Arts, and Jensen fidgets on the spot, resisting the urge to pace. 

 

He watches as Jared disappears in the front door and then checks his watch. He keeps track, giving Jared time to look around, tapping his foot as he waits. The phone doesn’t ring and Jensen is antsy so after two and half minutes he goes into the payphone booth and dials the number for the phone in the hotel lobby. It rings, and rings and… it keeps ringing. By the sixth ring, Jensen’s stomach has flipped uncomfortably and he’s about to hang up, reaching to check the gun tucked into the waistband of his jeans when– 

 

There’s a knock on the glass of the booth and Jensen startles, turning around immediately only to be face-to-face with Jared. Surprised and concerned, he wiggles his way out of the booth and grabs Jared’s shoulders.

 

“Jared, what happened? Did something go wrong?” Jensen demands, his voice laced with panic.

 

“Nothing happened, Jen. I got the records,” Jared grins at him and holds up a handful of papers.

 

“What?” Jensen is confused.

 

“I walked in and the guy behind the desk – he was smiling at me, and he looked really nice so,” Jared shrugs. “I thought – all this trouble – why not just ask?”   
  
“So you have the bill?” Jensen blinks.

 

“Yeah. He printed me a copy. Not just that, Jensen. He told me what happened.” Jared looks serious and Jensen’s stomach flips again.

 

“What happened?” 

 

“Dean Winchester died. Two weeks ago. Apparently it was some big crash on the freeway and he was pronounced at the scene. His brother showed up the next day in a rush to collect his things. The guy said ‘Mr. Winchester was really nice. He’d stayed here a few times in the last couple months and was always friendly.’ He seemed sad about it.”   
  
Jensen is quiet a moment while he tries to process it all.

 

“And he volunteered all this? Just handed over the bill?” he finally repeats, incredulous. 

 

Jared shrugs again, wearing a small smile. “Well, I said I was sent by Mr. Winchester’s boss. I didn’t know what had happened but I was supposed to collect the bill for company records.”

 

“Huh,” Jensen huffs out a laugh, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck while Jared looks at him expectantly, offering him the bill. “Well, good job, Jay.” 

 

Jensen takes the papers and smiles at him appreciatively. Jared grins all the more and his cheeks flush that pretty pink again that Jensen finds so endearing. 

 

Jensen scans the bill for any outgoing calls. There’s only three but they’re all to the same number.

 

“Give me a second,” Jensen mumbles and goes back inside the booth, popping in a quarter and dialling the number. It picks up on the second ring.

 

“ _ Good afternoon, Miami Beach Yacht Charters and Sales, Lisa speaking, how may I help you? _ ”   
  
Jensen hangs up the phone and hums, contemplative. Like everything else, it doesn’t ring a bell, but at least it’s something.

 

“Listen, Jay,” he starts as he exits the booth again. “I’m going to Miami Beach. I’m going to follow up this next lead. I want you to go back to the hostel and lay low.”

 

Jared looks surprised.

 

“Are you sure? I could go with you?” he gives Jensen these big puppy eyes and Jensen almost says yes. 

 

“Nah, it could be nothing. I don’t know how – or if – they’ll know me at this place, and I don’t want you out there and attached to me more than you have to be, okay? Grab lunch if you want. I’ll catch up with you after, back at the room.”

 

“Okay,” Jared agrees easily. He looks disappointed but also like he understands: Jensen is trying to look out for him. 

 

Jensen flags down a cab for Jared and gives him a quick kiss before he gets in the back, closing the door and watching after him as the taxi drives away. Jensen grabs another cab for himself, giving the driver the name of the business and trying to hold onto some hope.

 

It’s not difficult walking around like he’s supposed to be there – it’s one of the things he seems implicitly capable of doing – but Jensen is pleased when he noses around the showroom for only a minute before a receptionist comes over.

 

“Mr. Winchester?” she asks tentatively, leaning into his field of view. 

 

He turns towards her, feigning recognition.

 

“Yes, hello again!” he smiles and she smiles right back.

 

“It’s been so long, we were afraid you’d lost interest,” she explains cheerfully, then playfully frowns. “Or gone somewhere else, perhaps.” 

 

“Not at all, actually. Just tied up with work. I’d love it if we could go over everything again, maybe look at finally drawing up some paperwork..?” 

 

What he says seems to do just the trick because her smile brightens even further. 

 

“Absolutely, Mr. Winchester. Right this way, please,” she motions for him to follow her towards the row of offices at the back and he does. 

 

–-

 

Jared doesn’t go directly back to the hostel. Maybe Jensen doesn’t want him showing his face somewhere else connected to him, but Jared thinks there is still more he can do to help. 

 

There’s a little internet cafe just down the street from where they’re staying and Jared settles in there to do some research of his own. 

 

There was definitely an accident on the freeway two weeks ago, just like the concierge at the hotel had said. They don’t know for sure how long Jensen had been floating in the Gulf but the accident occurred the day Jensen says he woke up on Jeff’s boat. Dean Winchester, 32, had been pronounced dead at the scene after being extricated from the totalled vehicle. 

 

Jared makes some phone calls to the paper that wrote the article and then the Miami police using the phone at the cafe’s desk and a fake name. He manages to track down Dean Winchester’s body at a local morgue. If that doesn't give them some answers, he doesn’t know what will. He writes the address of the place on a piece of scrap paper, tucking it into his back pocket before heading out.

 

Satisfied with his sleuthing, he grabs a dozen fresh donuts from a mom ‘n pop bake shop around the corner and brings them back to the room to snack on and wait for Jensen to get back. 

 

He doesn’t have to wait long. He’s still licking his fingers after polishing off his third donut when Jensen comes through the door, sighing audibly and in obvious frustration. He’s tossing a bunch of glossy brochures and some papers on the bed and going off before Jared can even ask how it went.

 

“So I just had a meeting as Dean Winchester. They knew me as Winchester. So I’m Ackles but I’m Winchester, too?” Jensen paces the room looking angry and Jared can tell his head is hurting him by the way he winces and rubs at his temple.

 

“Jensen–” Jared starts, but Jensen interrupts him.

 

“And this?” he gestures to the pile of papers. “Is all boat stuff. Useless. It- it’s specs and blueprints for a particular yacht, which tells me exactly nothing. So I’m Jensen Ackles, or I’m Dean Winchester, or somehow both, I’m out of leads, and–”

 

“ _ Jensen _ !” Jared says more forcefully, catching his attention finally. Jensen’s eyes snap to his and he’s still pressing at the side of his head with two fingers.

 

“Sorry. I’m sorry, Jared.” He takes a deep breath and bites his bottom lip. “What?”   
  
“I found Dean Winchester’s body. It’s still here, in a morgue in Miami.” Jared leans forward to dig the scrap of paper out of his pocket. “So if you’re Dean Winchester, then whose body do they have?” 

 

Jared tries not to look too pleased with himself because Jensen is clearly not in a good mood, but Jensen’s grim expression breaks as he looks back and forth between Jared’s face and the scribbled address. Finally, he grabs it from Jared’s hand, huffs out a laugh and shimmies toward Jared on the bed. 

 

“Jared, you– you’re the fucking best,” he takes Jared’s face in both hands and kisses him hard. Jared’s face is ready to split in two he’s smiling so big against Jensen’s mouth, beside himself that he could be helpful to Jensen in any way. He gives back as good as he gets, and when Jensen pushes past his lips with his tongue he hums happily and licks in deeper.

 

“Jay, you taste so good. So sweet, baby,” Jensen mumbles through their kisses.

 

“Oh!” Jared starts, leaning back for the box beside him. “I forgot! I got us these.” 

 

Jared is grinning again when he hands the box to Jensen, who can only laugh.

 

“Donuts? Why am I not surprised?” He kisses Jared quick before picking a double chocolate one from the box and taking a bite. When he moans around the mouthful Jared adds it to his win column for the day.

 

“Good right?” he asks anyway.

 

“So good,” Jensen agrees enthusiastically.

 

“Well, eat up. Can’t go to the morgue on an empty stomach, you know.” Jared jokes but when Jensen smiles back at him, he’s serious and fond – that softness in his eyes like he seems to only get when he looks at Jared – and suddenly Jared’s insides feel similar to those of a jelly donut. He clears his throat and watches as Jensen finishes the bite of his treat and licks his lips, getting closer to him all the while. 

 

“Seriously, thank you,” Jensen says, brushing their noses together. “For everything.”   
  
He kisses Jared again and this time he tastes sweet, too.    
  


\---

 

They take a cab to the morgue and Jensen leads Jared in, with his hand in his. They get to the desk and there’s a young guy behind it with a nametag on his lab coat that reads  _ Tyler _ .

 

“Can I help you?” he asks as they approach, his eyes lingering on their hands a moment before giving Jensen a skeptical look. Jared moves in closely behind him.

 

“Yes, actually you can,” Jensen starts, aiming for polite. “I need to see Dean Winchester’s body.”   
  
The man blinks at him. 

 

“You can’t– it doesn’t work like that. I can’t just let anyone in there.”

 

Jensen sighs and Jared squeezes his hand, looking back and forth between him and the person standing between them and Jensen’s next clue.

 

“Maybe just this once, you could make it work like that?” Jensen reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crisp hundred dollar bill. 

 

Jared can see the gears turning in the guy’s head as he eyes up the bill, swallowing hard and checking his watch.

 

“Yeah, alright,” Tyler says, snatching the bill out of Jensen’s fingers. “But my boss will be back soon so we have to be quick. What was the name again?”   
  
“Dean Winchester,” Jensen repeats and they both watch as Tyler opens up a book on the desk and scrolls through it. 

 

“Okay, this way,” Tyler motions for them to follow and they do, through the double doors behind his desk and into the morgue itself. He scans the row of freezers and finally reaches for number thirteen.

 

He opens the drawer and it’s empty.

 

“What the hell is this?” Jensen says, terse. “Where is he?”

 

“I don’t– I don’t know?” Tyler sounds genuinely unsure. “He– he was here yesterday. Someone– I think someone came last night? But the records said he was still here, I swear.”

 

Jensen opens his mouth to argue but someone comes through the double doors. It startles Jared and he jumps, holding on to Jensen’s hand a little more tightly as they turn to face him, a smaller, rounder man with silver in his short, curly hair.

 

“Who are you?” the newcomer demands, casting an accusing glare at Jared and Jensen as well as his employee. “Tyler, these people are not signed in? What are their credentials? This is not a peep show. What is going on?”   
  
“Where is this body? Dean Winchester – where is he?” Jensen ignores the older man’s questions and points to the empty tray while Tyler stutters nervously behind him.

 

The man – his name tag says  _ Curtis _ – looks at him incredulously. 

 

“That is not your concern,” he says sternly. “I don’t know what you’re doing in here but there are protocols. This is a serious place. People cannot just come and go – you sign in, sign out, and– where are you going?”

 

Jensen has started to walk past them, pulling Jared behind him. Jared is not comfortable with the active confrontation and all too happy to stay quiet and let Jensen lead.

 

“We didn’t sign in. I’m just going to do that now.”

 

Jensen walks right to the desk and grabs the book off it that has a label on the front  _ Sign-In _ , throwing it open to the last page that’s been written on and starts scanning it quickly. Tyler’s boss is right behind them, trying to breath down Jensen’s neck despite being so much smaller.

 

“Excuse me! You can’t just–” 

 

“You’re right,” Jensen cuts him off. “We’ll just be out of your hair, then.”

 

Jensen tears the sheet of paper right out of the book and walks away with Jared still in tow. Jared is confused to say the least and can’t help but give an apologetic shrug to Tyler and Curtis who stand at their desk looking shocked. Curtis yells after them but makes no move to follow, instead reaching for the phone on his desk. Jared figures he’ll be calling security or the police but either way they need to make their way away from the morgue as quickly as possible and based on the speed at which Jensen is tugging him through the hallways to the first available exit, Jensen has the same thought.

 

They deke down another hallway and out a side exit into an alley. Jensen doesn’t slow down, just keeps speed walking with Jared’s hand tight in his.

 

“Keep moving, Jay. We can’t slow down,” he says without looking back. 

 

Jared huffs under his breath because he’s been keeping up so far; he’s not about to stop.

 

“Jensen, what the hell was that?” Jared asks. “Why did you take that? What are you looking for?”   
  
They’ve made it to a main street and Jensen flags down a cab. He throws open the back door.

 

“Get in.” He ignores Jared’s question and points inside the taxi. Jared huffs again but does as directed, glad that Jensen slides in beside him. He gives the driver the address for the hostel.

 

“Jensen, talk to me, please,” Jared gets close to Jensen on the seat, pressing their sides together from knee to shoulder, and holds Jensen’s hand in his lap.

 

Jensen sighs, checking over his shoulder, and finally seems to relax somewhat.

 

“I can’t run out of leads, Jared. This can’t be it. That Tyler kid said someone came to the morgue last night – if they signed in, I wanted to know who. Turns out there’s a name on the list I’ve seen before.”

 

Jared is shocked.

 

“How? How is that possible? You mean, that you remember from before?”   
  
“No. That I’ve seen since. Yesterday. In the paperwork from the yacht company.”   
  
At Jared’s disbelieving expression, Jensen continues.    
  
“That’s why we’re going back to the room. I’ll show you. There’s no way it’s coincidence. I need to figure out the connection.”   
  
Jensen is completely resolved, his focus somewhere else, ahead, looking for answers. Jared finally sighs and slumps against him, letting his head rest on Jensen’s shoulder. The rest of the ride is quiet and Jensen’s thumb strokes absentmindedly over the back of Jared’s hand the whole way.

 

\---

 

“Here, see? This guy – Benito Martinez – his name was on the register at the morgue. He went to see Winchester but,” Jensen digs through the pile of papers he’d left scattered on their bed looking for the one for the security company, waving it triumphantly when he finds it. “He’s here, too. He gives a glowing endorsement of this Alliance Security firm, the one he uses for his yacht –  _ this  _ yacht. The same one I was looking at.”

 

Jared follows along, see the guy’s picture next to his review on the brochure, but still isn’t sure what that means for Jensen.

 

“So?” Jared finally asks outright when Jensen doesn’t offer more, just keeps pouring over the paper.

 

“So he knows, Jared. This guy – he’s involved. He knows Winchester – me – somehow. He’s going to tell me who I am, I know it. We have to look him up.”

 

“Okay, well, there’s that Internet cafe just around the corner. It’s where I tracked down the body in the first place. Come with me,” Jared takes the lead this time, hiking their bag up onto his shoulder, and takes Jensen’s hand in his. Jensen falls into step behind him.

 

It’s quiet again between them as they go, zigzagging around slow-moving people on the sidewalk. Jared is pretty sure he understands why; there’s a kind of tension in the air, he’s almost buzzing and would bet Jensen is, too. Somehow, he knows they’re getting close to something. The morgue was supposed to have answers and it didn’t but now he’s feeling strung out, edged on, and antsy. 

 

They get inside and Jared gestures for Jensen to get settled at the open desktop in the corner and he goes off to get them coffees, because the Internet might be free but they can’t exactly just loiter. Jared keeps his eyes on Jensen as much as he can, watches him start typing on the keyboard. He’s clearly distracted while the person behind the counter serves him, barely participating in the conversation and having to ask the girl to repeat herself nearly every time she speaks.

 

“Hey!” Jared startles as her voice catches his attention. She’s holding out his change and shaking her head a little, laughing. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” Jared grimaces apologetically. “I’m not trying to ignore you I just…” he doesn’t even realize he’s trailed off again, his eyes back on Jensen, until she gently grabs his hand and puts the coins in his palm. She leans past him and follows his gaze.

 

“Honey, I don’t even blame you,” she grins approvingly when she folds his fingers closed around the coins and Jared feels his cheeks burn hot.

 

“T-thanks,” he stutters out, a little embarrassed, and she just smiles kindly and gestures to the end of the bar. 

 

“You’re coffees will be right up over there.”

 

Jared gives her another awkward smile and wave of his fingers as he walks in that direction, dropping the coins in the tip jar that’s sitting on the counter while he waits.    
  
When he finally has the coffees in hand, he turns around and as his eyes find Jensen again, he almost stops in his tracks. Instead, he starts walking towards him all the more quickly, a sinking feeling growing fast in his stomach.

 

Jensen looks pale and crestfallen. The sheet of paper in his hand is crumpled in his fist and he’s dropped his chin to chest, his shoulders drooping.

 

“Jen, what– what is it?” Jared speaks softly and puts the coffees down so he can reach for Jensen’s arm with a gentle, reassuring hand.

 

Jensen takes a deep breath before answering and doesn’t lift his gaze. When he speaks, his voice is rough and tense.

 

“Benito Martinez was a high ranking member of the Cuban military under Castro. He defected to the United States but has caused a lot of political distress ever since. He’s dead now – assassinated yesterday in his Miami home by a sniper – but the article says that two weeks ago, he told police that a man tried to kill him. It says someone came aboard his yacht five miles off the coast of Miami and put a gun to his head, but his security chased him off the boat and shot the man twice in the back.”   
  
There’s a brief but heavily pregnant pause before Jensen speaks again, where Jared can only stand next to him, struck, frozen, and try to remember to breathe. 

 

“It says I’m an assassin.” It’s barely above a whisper – they haven’t forgotten there is a scattering of other people at other tables and computers around the cafe – but Jared can still hear how Jensen’s voice breaks on the word assassin. He sees how Jensen’s fist clenches more tightly around the brochure that’s ruined in his hand.

 

Jared’s own heart is beating hard and loud in his ears; he swears he can feel it hammering in his chest and his throat is so dry it’s difficult to swallow. His instinct is to panic. A part of him is itching to turn on his heel and run – that same part is making his chest start to heave with quick, panted breaths – but Jared looks at the man in front of him and sees the anguish on his face, the beautiful face he has turned away from Jared, the face that Jared sees when he closes his eyes, when he dreams at night. He was gone for Jensen long before he understood what he was getting into but this doesn’t change how he feels about him, how it feels when Jensen kisses him, when he takes him apart with that mouth and those hands.

 

Jared forces himself to take a deep breath, makes himself exhale slowly and calm himself down. So Jensen was a– a whatever,  _ assassin _ . Jared knows he wouldn’t hurt  _ him _ . So, he’s not going anywhere. As Jared relaxes, he uses the hand he still has resting on Jensen’s arm to give him a gentle squeeze but Jensen flinches.

 

“Jared, don’t…” Jensen starts and stands up, moving away from him. He closes the browser on the screen, tosses the crumpled brochure in the waste basket under the desk and brushes past Jared on his way to the door.

 

“Jensen, wait! Stop!” Jared calls after him and follows; the panic is coming back but now it’s all for Jensen, not for him.

 

\---

 

“Jensen, please!”

 

Jensen can hear Jared pleading, knows he’s following him, but he needs to get away – to protect him, to breathe, to think. The pounding in his head is suddenly so fierce he can barely see straight. There’s a burning behind his eyes and a tightness in his chest…. 

 

A part of him already knew. Or figured, anyway. He has a mind for this sort of thing – apparently – and with his skill set his options were fairly limited. He just kept hoping against hope it was something else. It doesn’t  _ feel _ right, doesn’t sit well. It isn’t what he wanted.

 

He grabs at his head and hunches over a little with the pain. He stumbles forward and turns the corner into an alley between the shops so he’s not making a spectacle of himself. He knows Jared is close behind.  _ Jared _ . 

 

A sob catches in Jensen’s throat. He doesn’t deserve Jared. Jared doesn’t deserve  _ him _ , the life he led, the kind of person he was, the things he must’ve done… Jensen’s been wandering through this life for the last two weeks with nothing and the only thing he’s genuinely wanted is Jared. He never should have kept looking. 

 

“I never should have kept looking!” he cries out when Jared is finally in front of him. Jensen is leaning back against the brick of the building, one hand holding his head and the other extended to keep Jared at arm’s length.

 

“Jensen,” Jared is quiet as he approaches him, carefully putting down their bag at his feet. He looks kind in a way Jensen can’t bear right now, moving slowly like he’s afraid he’s going to scare Jensen off with any sudden movements. “They’re after you. You didn’t have a choice. You still don’t.”

 

Jensen sucks in a breath and stubbornly looks away, bites his lip and tries to keep the tears from falling. 

 

“I don’t want this,” he admits brokenly.

 

Jared takes a step closer, his chest pressing against Jensen’s outstretched palm.

 

“I know,” he whispers.

 

“It’s not– not who I want to be, Jared. I want to be a good guy. I want–” he chokes on a sob, wipes his eyes on the back of his hand. “I want to be good. For you, Jay.”

 

Jensen sniffles and makes himself look over at Jared. Jared’s hands are reaching for him, for his arm, and as Jensen starts to give in, Jared folds his arm and tucks it between them, keeping Jensen’s hand open on his chest. Jared’s eyes are glassy, too, and it makes Jensen’s heart break to think that he does this to Jared; he’s the cause of this and so much more danger in Jared’s life, so much more danger than he imagined, but Jared is wrapping him up in his arms anyway.

 

“I’m so sorry, Jared,” Jensen feels his resolve crack as Jared brings him in close, Jensen’s face at his chest and one of Jared’s giant hands cradling the back of his head. Jensen shamelessly lets himself go, burrowing into the solid and reassuring comfort of Jared’s body. Jared just lets him let it out, holding him and saying it’s going to be okay.

 

A part of Jensen wonders if – had he not met Jared – this would have gone differently. Maybe… maybe it wouldn’t have occurred to him to be anything else. Maybe it would have made sense. Not that it matters, because he  _ did _ meet Jared, and more than that, he– he loves him. He does, he can’t call it anything else. For better or worse Jared is all that matters to him – not the person he was before, not anything he did, just who he can be now. 

 

“Jared,” Jensen begins, his voice muffled by Jared’s chest until he looks up and stands a little straighter. “Jared, that’s not who I want to be. I don’t care who I was. I wish I’d never found out. I like who I am with you. My head hurts less when we’re together. It feels good to be with you. I just… want to be with you.”

Jared looks down at him with those big eyes and those dimples and Jensen is in complete awe of him.

 

“I just want to be with you, too. I don’t care who you were. I like who you are,” he leans down and kisses Jensen’s forehead. Jensen closes his eyes and leans into the touch. Jared replaces his lips with his forehead, pressing them together. “I’m scared, Jensen.”   
  
“Jared, as long as I’m breathing I swear – nothing bad will ever happen to you. I won’t let it, okay?” Jensen pulls back so Jared is looking at him – seeing him – when he says it. “There’s so much I don’t know, Jared, so much, but I know that. I promise to keep you safe.”

 

Jared nods, smiling, and kisses him quick.

 

“I know, Jensen. I believe you. I believe you,” he breathes the words against Jensen’s mouth and they let themselves get lost in another kiss. Jensen finds Jared stabilizing. As he eases his way between Jared’s lips and licks into his mouth, the fierce ache in his head starts to slip away. 

 

Jared is pressing him up against the brick wall and the stone is rough in places, digging into his back, but it feels good to have Jared trying to get them closer together, the light pain of it a contrast to the soft, warm slide of their tongues twisting together. Jared puts more pressure in his hips where he’s pinning Jensen to the wall and Jensen whimpers, gets a hand in Jared’s hair and just holds on. Jared gets a hand on Jensen’s jaw and Jensen is content to let himself be heavy and loose under Jared’s touch, to let Jared control the moment. 

 

Jensen’s whole life is out of control, he’s searching – fighting – for the ability to take over his own life again, lead the one he wants, but he’d give it all to Jared if he’d ever ask; he wants it to be for him, anyway. It feels good to let Jared take the wheel now, especially after Jensen was so derailed by his latest discovery. Jensen feels like Jared can get him back on track, back where he needs to be, just like this. 

 

Jared finally breaks the kiss and they’re both breathing hard, holding on tight, and trying to get their bearings. Jensen drops his forehead to Jared’s shoulder and takes a deep, steadying breath. 

 

“What’s next, Jen? What do we do now?” Jared whispers, a little scared but sure, against the shell of Jensen’s ear. It makes it easier, somehow, when Jared asks. Jared gives him something outside of himself and it puts everything into sharper focus.

 

Jensen tilts his head in towards Jared’s and drags the tip of his nose lightly along Jared’s cheek, leaning up until he can reach to kiss at Jared’s temple and then finally pull back and look him in the eyes. “I’m not sure, Jay. Martinez was my last lead. I’m going to have to do some thinking. More research maybe. Let’s go back to the hostel for a bit, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Jared agrees, sliding his hand down Jensen’s arm to weave their fingers together. He steps back and Jensen uses his free hand to smooth the front of his shirt. Jensen smiles at him and walks them back towards the street.

 

They turn the corner from the alley onto the main road and Jensen immediately stops.

 

“Jensen, what–?” Jared startles and bumps into his shoulder when he stops as well.

 

Their hostel is on the same street just two blocks down and Jensen can see multiple cop cars – as well as a black, unmarked SUV that no doubt belongs to a higher-up government agency – parked in front with their lights on. 

 

“We can’t go back to the hostel, Jay.” Jensen turns them around and starts walking the other direction.

 

“What? Jensen how do you know–?”  

 

“I just do, Jared. It’s not a coincidence. Somehow, they tracked us down.”

 

Jensen walks quickly and Jared keeps up, even if he’s confused. He holds onto Jensen’s hand tightly and Jensen takes comfort in the connection, as he looks ahead, scanning in front of them for more cops or whoever might be looking for them. He casts a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure Jared still has their bag thrown over his shoulder – he does – and tries to think about their options.

 

He turns them down another side street and stops, pulling Jared in front of him so he can look at him seriously.

 

“Jared, you–”   
  
“Jensen, I said no. I’m not leaving you, okay? It’s not happening.” Jared’s voice is firm and determined but Jensen can still read the underlying fear in his eyes, the subtle shake in his hand. Jensen lets his face soften as Jared looks at him. He reaches out to cup Jared’s face in his palm.

 

“Jared, listen to me. I don’t mean leave me forever. I am not saying goodbye to you. Not like that. But this is getting beyond my control. I don’t know who or what I’m up against and I don’t know what I’m going to have to do to find out. You need to be safe. I  _ need _ you to be safe. So, please. For me. Is there somewhere I can take you, somewhere you can lay low while I sort this shit out?”    
  
Jared looks like he’s going to argue for a moment, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, and then a siren sounds in the distance and Jared jumps. It makes Jensen’s heart ache and he knows his eyes are pleading when he tilts Jared’s face to make him catch his gaze. Finally, Jared relents.

 

“Actually, my aunt. She and her wife have a summer house on Lake Hart outside Orlando. They’re both cops in New York. It should be empty this time of year. I could hang out there.”   
  
Jared sounds a little hesitant but Jensen smiles wide with genuine relief. He gently pulls on Jared’s chin and leans in to meet his mouth in kiss. 

 

“That’s perfect, Jay. Let’s go.”   
  
They walk to the first parking garage they find and Jensen hotwires another car. Jensen drives and Jared navigates. The three hour drive is mostly quiet. Jensen knows there are a million things going through his head and he can only imagine the same is true for Jared. There’s a lot he wants to say but nothing sticks when he opens his mouth to try, so instead he keeps his fingers laced with Jared’s and their hands on his thigh while they make their way, doing his best not to think about what it will mean to walk away from Jared after they get there. 


	6. Chapter 6

The house is really lovely. They are definitely still well outside of Orlando proper. There’s lots of green and marshland, and they have to drive down a dirt road only sparsely littered with homes to get to Jared’s aunts’ place. There isn’t another house for half a mile in either direction. There’s a fence around the property and a gate at the front but it isn’t closed and is less functional than it is decorative. The residence itself is large, painted a soft, mossy green. It’s a bungalow but it has a huge double car garage and tall, vaulted ceilings in the entryway. The grass is cut and the hedgerow is meticulously trimmed. Jensen figures they must have someone looking in on it while they’re away.

 

Jared’s face softens as he points it out to Jensen and they pull into the drive. After everything that’s happened since Jared met him, this is familiar territory. This is a family home, somewhere he knows and feels safe, and Jensen’s heart aches a little. He wants that for himself, and he wants to be that for Jared, too, not just the person disrupting Jared’s entire life.

 

Jared turns and smiles at him from the passenger seat before getting out of the car and Jensen manages to smile back, even though he’s thinking about how he’s about to leave Jared here - Jared, who’s the closest thing to  _ family _ and  _ home _ that Jensen knows.

 

Jared is easily the most relaxed that Jensen has seen him as he walks toward the house. Jensen grabs their bag out of the back seat just because it’s safest in their immediate possession and walks over to where Jared is.

 

“There’s a key around back,” Jared explains, still smiling easily. “C’mon.”   
  
Jensen doesn’t mention that he could easily get them inside without it and instead he takes Jared's hand and just tries not to hold on too tightly as he follows Jared around the house. He observes the property, the way it’s covered by the deliberate border of trees, and the probably swampy fields that stretch out on the other side. He mentally tallies up the number and location of the windows and doors.   
  
They step up onto the large deck and Jared contemplates the row of potted plants along the wall before lifting the middle one and looking pleased to find the key underneath on his first try. He unlocks the back door and leads Jensen inside. 

 

It’s as lovely inside as it is out. The space is big and open, welcoming, warmly dressed and absolutely a place for big family gatherings. Jared slows down once he gets inside and looks at Jensen like he’s remembered that it’s Jensen’s intention to leave him here, that this means goodbye for now.   
  
“Jensen…” he starts talking like he isn’t sure what he wants to say, is maybe talking just for the sake of it, and Jensen understands. He feels the same way – anything to put off what’s coming. Just as Jensen is about to say as much, Jared opens his mouth again.

 

“I’ll, um, show you the kitchen.” He takes Jensen’s hand and leads him farther into the house. Jensen entertains it because he’s no more keen to leave than Jared is to stay, but he won’t linger long. He doesn’t want to make this harder than it needs to be and, more importantly, doesn’t want to keep putting Jared in danger. 

 

Jensen follows Jared into the kitchen. When Jared reaches the big breakfast bar in the middle he turns around and looks a little sheepish, like this is it, he guesses. Jensen looks apologetic as he smiles back at him and he can see that Jared is starting to scramble.

 

“Jen, wait– come here,” he pulls Jensen close while he leans against the counter, encouraging Jensen to step into the open vee of his legs and lean against him, and who is Jensen to say no to that. 

 

He obliges, pressing their hips together as Jared laces his fingers together on the back of Jensen’s neck. Jared burrows his face in Jensen’s neck, at his shoulder, and starts kissing him.

 

“Jay…” Jensen groans a little, slides his hands along Jared’s arms and tucks his face into Jared’s neck, too.

 

“I know,” Jared agrees between kisses. “I know, Jensen. Just– one more minute, okay? Please.”   
  
Jensen sighs like he’s put upon even though he’s more than happy to take the extra time. He kisses Jared’s neck, too, relishing when Jared whimpers a little and tilts his head to give him better access. He follows the line to Jared’s jaw and just as he’s about to kiss his lips his eyes glance up and land on two big suitcases in front of the bed in the master bedroom off to their left. He freezes and Jared notices immediately.

 

“Jensen? What’s wrong?”    
  
“Jared, are you absolutely sure that–” Jensen is about ask about how vacant this place is when there is a rumble of tires on the driveway outside. Jared turns around in Jensen’s arms and they both look out the big kitchen windows to see a black truck driving up the lane. Jensen immediately and without thinking grabs for the gun at the small of his back, his other hand tightening on Jared’s arm and tugging him down below the counter out of sight.

 

“Whoa! Jensen, it– it’s fine. It’s just my aunt!” Jared wrestles out of his grip and gets them both standing back up. He gives Jensen first a shocked and then a pointed look when he spies the gun in Jensen’s hand. 

 

Jensen shrugs – how is he supposed to know that? And besides, it’s up to him to make sure Jared stays safe – and tucks the gun away. 

 

They stand there watching as the two women step down from the truck, holding the door open to let a big German shepherd hop out of the backseat, too. One of the women has short, dark hair and the other is a long, wavy blonde. They’re both wearing colourful plaid shirts rolled to their elbows and have armfuls of grocery bags. Jensen doesn’t miss the look they share when they see his and Jared’s car parked in front of the garage. Both women look instantly more alert, cautious even, as they approach the front door.

 

“How are we playing this, Jared?” Jensen hisses, keeping his eyes on the newcomers until they pass out of view and then they’re trying the door handle. Still locked, Jensen listens to the muffled jingle of keys.   
  
“Just– follow my lead, okay? They’re good people, it’s going to be fine,” Jared whispers back, waiting, and while he sounds sure, Jensen isn’t sure he realizes how tightly his fist is squeezing the back of Jensen’s shirt. 

 

Jensen isn’t concerned that they’re not nice people – he has no doubt they are – it’s because they’re nice that he worries. Same as with Jared. The fact that they’re about to actually cross paths puts them in the same kind of danger that Jared is already in. Because of Jensen.

 

The key turns in the lock and both women lean forward through the opening door, casting thorough looks across their foyer. When their eyes find Jared and Jensen walking towards them from the kitchen, they blink in surprise.

 

“Hi Aunt Kim,” Jared waves and even from where he stands behind him Jensen can tell he’s got a sheepish look on his face. “Briana, hi.”

 

“Jared, what–? Oh my god!” Kim recovers from her obvious shock quickly and Briana does the same. Both women hurry to put down their groceries and then Kim is scooping Jared into a huge hug. The dog is pawing at Jared’s leg, tail wagging and whining excitedly. Jensen stands back, letting them have their reunion. 

 

“Well, hi, baby! What a surprise! It’s been way too long, what with you off being a smarty pants so far away, jeez.” 

  
Jared huffs a laugh and squeezes Briana just as tightly as his aunt when she finally lets him go. 

 

“It’s really good to see you, Jared,” she says against his shoulder. 

  
“Yeah, it’s great to see you both, too,” Jared answers, petting the dog with one hand and then slides the other through his hair and rubs at the back of his neck. Jensen can tell that he’s a little nervous. “Sorry we didn’t call first… I honestly… didn’t expect to see you.”    
  
Jared looks back at Jensen and then down at his feet, anywhere but his aunt’s face, and Jensen notes how pink his cheeks get. Kim raises an eyebrow and looks Jensen up and down. A sly smile spreads on her face that only grows when she shares a knowing glance with her wife.    
  
“Uh huh, I see how it is,” Kim is grinning now. “Sorry our vacation spoiled your romantic getaway, kiddo.”    
  
Jared splutters, trying to say something but not about to argue – it’s best they think that’s all this is – and Kim and Briana just laugh.   
  
“So, you going to introduce us to your handsome friend or are we going to let him be your mysterious shadow all night?” Briana teases, looking flirty as she extends her hand in Jensen’s direction.

 

Jensen is the one blushing now and he lets out a small, embarrassed laugh as he shakes Briana’s hand.    
  
“Oh, god, sorry, yeah,” Jared groans and brings a palm up to his forehead. “Kim, Briana, this is Jensen. Jensen, my aunt Kim and her wife Briana. Oh, and the dog is Jack.”    
  
Jack is sitting right next to Jared, pressed up against his leg while Jared scratches behind his ear, tongue hanging out and looking pretty pleased with the attention.   
  
“Call me Bri,” she adds as she lets Jensen’s hand go.   
  
“It’s lovely to meet you both,” Jensen offers politely, now taking Kim’s hand, and he feels the weight of her assessing gaze.   
  
“Likewise,” Kim replies. When their hands are free, she and Briana bend to retrieve their bags. “It’s quite a pleasant surprise, actually. Jared’s never really talked about anyone before, much less introduced them.”   
  
Jared groans again, even more anguished. “Kim,” he whines. His aunts just laugh.   
  
“Let me help with those,” Jensen deflects, taking the groceries and bringing them into the kitchen. Kim and Briana share an approving look.    
  
“Jared told you we’re both cops, right? His parents may be soft, academic types like he is but us you’ve got to watch out for.” Kim winks at him so Jensen knows she’s just teasing but it has the desired effect on Jared apparently because when he doubles over and hides his face against his forearms on the counter, Briana skips a step delightedly.    
  
“So how long are you going to be staying then?” Briana asks as she starts unpacking the food. “You know you’re welcome for however long you like, even if you weren’t counting on us being here.”   
  
“Um,” Jared starts, biting his lip. He looks over at Jensen and Jensen purses his lips and shakes his head, subtle, apologetic. “We’re just passing through, actually. So we’ll be moving on, um, tomorrow.”    
  
Jared keeps his eyes on Jensen as he speaks, making sure he’s got it right as he explains, much to Kim and Briana’s obvious disappointment.    
  
“We don’t see you for ages and our surprise visit is outrageously short. You’re breaking my heart, baby,” Kim dramatically sighs, placing both hands on her chest.    
  
Jared ducks down and his hair falls over his face when he laughs. Jensen is completely enthralled watching him right now, seeing him so unguarded and natural with his family like this. He’s rubbing at the back of his neck again when he meets Kim’s eyes next.

 

“But– well, you get to meet Jensen, at least,” he shrugs a little and his cheeks are pink again and Jensen  _ loves  _ it. 

 

“Hm,” Kim hums, considering, as she puts milk into the fridge. “That is true. In that case, I guess I can forgive you.” She closes the fridge door and gives Jared a quick kiss on the cheek as she walks by him.   
  
“Well, you boys are in time to help with dinner,” Kim continues. “Has Jensen had the tour yet, Jared?”   
  
Jared shakes his head. “Nah, we got here just before you guys.”   
  
“Well, you can follow me then, Jensen,” Briana chimes in. “We’ll get yours and Jared’s room all made up, too. We’ll be right back, babe.”   
  
Briana puts a hand on Kim’s shoulder where she’s at the counter setting up a cutting board and stands on her tiptoes to give her a quick kiss. Then she smiles and waves Jensen along.    
  
Jared looks apologetic but Jensen just smiles and shrugs before following after Briana. Jensen feels like he’s done nothing but run since he left the bank in Mexico. They may not be staying long but while they’re here, Jensen is going to enjoy every simple moment.

 

\---

 

Dinner is delicious. Briana brings out wine and everyone is relaxed. Jared was a little anxious to start. He’s really never brought anyone ‘home’ before and he’s never seen Jensen interact with anyone like this before. Jensen is a little quiet but Kim and Briana are loud and fun and encouraging and by the time the wine is being refilled even Jensen is laughing and loosening up. Jared aches for this. He doesn’t know how long it will be until they’re safe enough to have it, but if anything, this has confirmed for him it’s worth every unknown second.

 

Jensen’s cheeks are a little warm from the wine, a soft shade of pink, and he laughs so freely now. Kim and Briana are always a hoot and Jensen keeps throwing his body back when he loses it, his eyes crinkling deep at the corners and sometimes he even stomps his foot under the table, startling Jack where he’s curled up at their feet. It’s the most beautiful Jared has ever seen him and really, that’s saying something, because Jensen is already breathtaking. 

 

Darkness has set in outside. The lights in the dining room are low and warm, dinner has been done for a while but the conversation is easy and they’re into their third bottle of wine while they keep talking. Jared is sure that Jensen has heard more than he ever bargained for about Jared’s many misadventures as the tall, lanky, bookish son of two serious academics, but Jensen keeps looking at him with this  _ softness _ , and, for all the embarrassment, Jared is kind of okay with it.    
  
“Well,” Kim stretches in her seat, stifling a yawn. “It’s starting to get late. Clean up at least. C’mon, Jared.”    
  
Jared immediately starts stacking plates and Jensen pushes back his chair to stand up and help, too.   
  
“Ah, ah, ah. Not you, Jensen. You’re a guest. Sit your ass back down. Jared and I have it looked after.”   
  
Jensen laughs a little but when Jared holds his gaze, silently making sure he’s okay on his own with Bri, Jensen only smiles wider and sits back down as instructed. Jared isn’t worried.    
  
“Oh, stow that face, Jared,” Briana laughs, reaching for the wine. “He’ll be fine. I won’t bite, I promise.” She winks and adds a little more to Jensen’s glass. Jared rolls his eyes and laughs, too, following Kim into the kitchen with armfuls of dishes, leaving only their glasses and the collection of bottles on the table.   
  


The kitchen feels quiet compared to their boisterous conversation but Jared smiles to himself when he hears Briana and Jensen laughing from the other room. 

 

“So you got it real bad, huh.” Kim is grinning at him as she opens the dishwasher. Jared blinks and puts his stacks of dishes down on the counter.

 

“W-what?” He can’t help but stutter out, tucking a loose piece of hair behind his ear as he meets his aunt’s eyes. She just raises an eyebrow.

 

“Oh, please.” She rests a hand on her hip and the other on Jared’s shoulder. “I see the way you look at him. And you grinning like a lovesick puppy when he’s laughing in there? You’re not subtle, sweetheart.”   
  
Jared’s had enough wine to drink that his face is already warm but he feels it burn that much hotter when he fails to hold in a honest-to-God giggle.    
  
“Yeah, he–” Jared isn’t sure what he wants to say. Jensen is so many things and a lot of words that really don’t feel like they mean anything enough. “I guess I do.”   
  
He settles for agreeing with his aunt and starts loading the dishwasher. She watches him a moment, thoughtful, before she starts to do the same.   
  
“Well, I’m glad. It’s really good to see you happy, baby. We worry about you, you know. All alone in Mexico, buried in your books.”   
  
“Hey,” Jared protests. “I’m not  _ alone _ . I’ve got Gen–” Kim gives him a look that says  _ you know what we mean _ “–and what’s wrong with my books? My parents already had their PhDs at my age. I’m already behind.”   
  
“Yeah, except, your parents also already had each other at your age, Jared. They did all this together. We just… want you to find someone you can share that with, you know? Jensen… he seems really great. Like, maybe, he could be that person? I mean– the way you look at him – he looks at you just the same, you know that?”   
  
Jared smiles warmly to himself. 

 

“We, uh, we haven’t been together a long time, you know? Everything has happened kind of fast but… Kim, I’ve never felt this way about anyone.” Jared pauses for just a beat before sucking in a breath and whispering what’s been hovering in his mind since the first time Jensen kissed him.  “I– I love him.”   
  
Kim closes the dishwasher and stands in front of him a moment looking genuinely touched before giving him a big hug. 

 

“I’m so happy for you, baby,” Kim kisses his cheek when she lets him go. “Now let's go haul our other halves off to bed, yeah?” 

 

She wanders back towards the dining room and Jared follows.   
  
“You just keep it down in there tonight, okay?” Kim adds loudly as she approaches the table, winking, and Jared looks scandalized.   
  
“ _ Kim _ ,” he groans and Briana bursts out laughing, clapping her hands even. When Jared opens his eyes again, Jensen is laughing, too. It makes Jared feel a little like he’s floating. Or, maybe that’s the wine. He figures it’s probably both.    
  
Jensen and Briana both get up from the table and move towards them. Briana tucks right under Kim’s extended arm and Jensen reaches around Jared’s waist. Jared can’t help the way he instinctively leans into Jensen’s body.

 

“Thank you for the excellent dinner, ladies. And the wine,” Jensen says appreciatively.   
  
“You’re so welcome. We’re glad you were here to join us. You’re not allowed to leave before you say goodbye tomorrow, okay? Breakfast together first,” Kim says very seriously.

 

“We absolutely insist!” Briana adds.   
  
“Wouldn’t dream of skipping out on you like that,” Jensen promises. “We’ll see you in the morning.”   
  
“Goodnight, guys,” Kim says as she and Briana turn to walk away to their room.    
  
Jared leans a little more heavily into Jensen as soon as they’re alone and Jensen squeezes his waist. They walk slowly to their bedroom and Jared is, admittedly, a little bit drunk. He always has been a bit of a lightweight and not a huge drinker so the wine has been more than enough. He’s got his fingers wiggling under the waistband of Jensen’s jeans and he’s giggling into Jensen’s shoulder by the time Jensen is closing the door to their room behind them.   
  
“So you’re a bit tipsy, huh?” Jensen pokes quietly as he turns back to Jared, a sly smile spreading on his face that makes Jared feel equal parts embarrassed and excited. Jensen reaches for Jared’s hands to get them out of his pants – Jared whines – and pulls them to his chest.    
  
“I might be a little,” Jared concedes, laughing as Jensen tugs him close and he stumbles into Jensen’s body. “You’re not?”    
  
“Nah,” Jensen answers, sounding amused. “Not so much.”   
  
Jared scoffs and tries to get his hands back. Jensen is walking them backwards toward the bed and Jared is definitely not coordinated enough for that. Jared starts to lose his balance and Jensen starts laughing at him but then he’s got Jared’s one hand up like they’re dancing and his other hand slips around Jared’s back to grab solidly at his waist. Jared relaxes into Jensen’s grip and lets Jensen keep him steady until the backs of his legs hit the mattress. Instead of pushing Jared back, Jensen turns and sits down himself, his hands sliding reassuringly over Jared’s body, settling on his hips.   
  
Jared loves how Jensen looks right now, the way he looks up at him through his lashes and how green his eyes are even in the dark, the devilish grin on his face. He rests his hands on Jensen’s shoulders, on the slope of his neck.   
  
“How is that–” Jared starts to ask but he gets distracted by Jensen leaning forward and nosing at his stomach, pressing warm, open-mouthed kisses there through his shirt.   
  
“How is that what?” Jensen mumbles against Jared’s body and Jared blinks, tries hard to grasp at the fraying threads of his thoughts even as Jensen keeps pulling at them with his mouth.   
  
“Um,” Jared swallows and holds onto Jensen a little tighter. “F-fair. I was gonna say– how is it fair you’re not–”   

 

Jared gasps, digging his fingers into the flesh of Jensen’s neck. Jensen has pushed up Jared’s shirt with his thumbs and chooses that moment to start licking at the newly exposed plane of skin. The muscle is smooth and wet, teasing as it moves on him, tasting him, and Jared can’t think of anything else. Jensen closes his mouth and starts to suck at Jared’s hipbone and Jared groans. Loudly.

 

“Jay,” Jensen breaks off, laughing under his breath. “You gotta be quiet, baby. Remember?”    
  
Jensen reaches up and presses a finger to Jared’s lips like he’s shushing him; Jared can’t resist. He kisses Jensen’s finger and then sucks it into his mouth.

 

“ _ Jay _ ,” Jensen moans softly, dropping his forehead to Jared’s hip even as he keeps his arm up, letting Jared do whatever he wants to the finger between his lips. 

 

Jared’s stomach flutters at the broken timbre of Jensen’s voice and he smiles around Jensen’s finger, delighted to be the cause of that sound. He’s giving himself all kinds of ideas and  _ want  _ spikes through him hotly. His dick twitches against his zipper at his idea and he feels himself leak, his underwear wet in places against his skin; he’s wanted to do this since he first laid eyes on Jensen.

 

Jared wiggles his hips and moves closer so he’s tucked right in the open vee of Jensen’s legs. He drops clumsily to his knees, letting Jensen’s finger slip from his mouth, and anchors himself with his hands on Jensen’s thighs.    
  


\---

 

Jensen takes back his now spit-soaked finger and tries to remember to breathe when Jared drops to his knees in front of him. He can make out the wine-fed flush of Jared’s cheeks even in the dark, and Jared looks loose and devilish as he grins and fumbles for Jensen’s button and zipper. 

 

Jensen thought he was in control of this – he’s the more sober one for chrissake – but the second Jared leans down and nuzzles into his lap, rubbing his face along the hard length of his dick, still in his pants, Jensen knows he’s losing it. He bites at his lip in a futile effort to keep in a moan but Jared is mouthing at him now, warm and making his jeans damp like a promise. 

 

“Jay…” Jensen sighs his name and leans back, his arms behind him and his hands braced on the bed. Jared looks up at him through the curtain of his hair, smiling, and Jensen reaches to brush it back behind his ear even though he knows it won’t stay. 

 

Jared opens Jensen’s unzipped pants and tugs suggestively at the waistband. Jensen puts his hand back down and pushes his hips up to let Jared pull his pants and underwear down and off. The air is cool on his exposed skin and his dick settles against his stomach when he sits back down, achingly hard for the tease of Jared’s fingers as they come back to him.   
  
Jared holds him upright, his thumb stroking at the base while he looks over him with hungry eyes. Jensen feels tight all over and as though his entire body is straining to be all the more in Jared’s hands and absolutely in his mouth. When Jared licks his lips, Jensen twitches and feels precome bead up at the head of his dick. He can tell when Jared sees it, the way it glistens even in the dark; Jared whines and finally leans in. He leads with his tongue, easing the tip into Jensen’s slit to collect what Jensen’s giving up. He must like what he finds because he hums happily as he does it and Jensen may never recover from how Jared looks right now.   
  
Jared kisses at Jensen’s tip then, almost chastely, and Jensen can’t resist sliding his hand into Jared’s hair. He doesn’t push or pull him – he’s more than happy to let Jared do what he wants – but he does pet at Jared while his kisses get messier. Jared’s lapping at him with broad swipes of his tongue, and when he finally opens his mouth to take in just the tip and hollow his cheeks, Jensen does moan, quiet and reedy. His eyes close instinctively as the sensation overwhelms him but then Jared eases up and starts to take him deeper before making a seal and sucking again. Jensen has to see it. His hand is gripping tight at Jared’s hair now, still not guiding him in any way but rather holding on so he doesn’t simply fly out of his skin. Jared’s lips are stretched around the thickness of him, slick with spit, his cheeks indented as he nurses from Jensen’s cock, and the sight is incendiary. Jensen groans again, brokenly and a little louder than he means to. Jared’s eyes flash up to his and he smiles around his mouthful looking pleased with himself. Spit drips from his mouth down Jensen’s shaft and Jared closes his hand loosely around the base of him. He takes Jensen back between his lips, as much as he can manage, and jacks the rest in time with the hot suck of his mouth. He finds a rhythm, bobbing subtly up and down on Jensen’s cock.    
  


Jensen pants above him, his fingers still wound tightly in his hair, and uses every bit of self-control he can muster to not thrust up into Jared’s mouth. He’s not deepthroating him by any means but there’s nothing he’s doing that doesn’t feel completely amazing. Jensen doesn’t exactly have memories to compare it to but he suspects Jared would still outshine them if he did. Jared is enthusiastic and goes at Jensen like he’s been starving for it. He makes all these small, content sounds around Jensen’s dick, the vibrations registering somewhere deep in Jensen’s core, and Jensen can feel himself getting close.    
  


“God, Jay,” Jensen tries to whisper but his voice is wrecked. “Jared–  _ fuck _ . I’m so close, baby.”   
  
Jared is only encouraged by this, moaning as he keeps sucking, hard, at Jensen’s cock. Jensen feels himself stiffen as it builds, his release  _ right there _ , and then, like running towards a tripwire, his body suddenly shudders and he’s coming in Jared’s mouth. Jared swallows the first pulse and the next, he keeps at it, drinking it all down, but then Jensen is suddenly sure that Jared is coming, too. Jensen had been to preoccupied to realize Jared had been touching himself while sucking him off but looking for it now even in the wake of his own orgasm, he can see the steady, jerking movement of Jared’s other arm. 

 

Jared grunts like all the air has been punched out of his lungs. His eyes slam shut and his mouth opens, stuttering and slack as he shakes apart at Jensen’s feet. The rest of Jensen’s come spills from his lips, gushing out from the corners of his mouth to drip down his spit-slick chin. Even as Jensen starts to soften where he rests on Jared’s abused lower lip, he can feel himself twitch because  _ damn _ if Jared – flushed, with wild hair and looking absolutely well-fucked, spit and come smeared and splattered over his face – isn’t one of the hottest things he’s ever seen. 

 

Jared finally relaxes when he’s spent and pants a moment, keeping his mouth open but starting to lick weakly at Jensen’s dick before closing his lips around it again. He sucks gently at him, wiggling the tip of his tongue back into the slit just to coax out every last drop and Jensen shivers under him, the aftershocks fading away and leaving him heavy and blissed out. He’s managed to ease up on the grip on Jared’s hair, too, and is back to petting him.  

 

When Jared finally lets go of his dick, he lets it rest against Jensen’s thigh, wet with spit, and looks up at him. He’s wrecked; his lips are dark and swollen, the colour is still high in his cheeks, the corners of his eyes glisten and his hair – especially where Jensen’s hand was buried in it – is everywhere. His tongue darts out to lick at the corner of his mouth where he still has a mess of come but Jensen hums then and urges him up. Jared trembles as he gets up off his knees and Jensen keeps a hand out to steady him. He crawls backwards up the bed and Jared crawls up with him. 

 

When Jensen’s head finds a pillow he gets his hand on Jared’s face and pulls him down so Jensen can kiss him quick and then lick him clean. Jared smiles while he does it and Jensen is thorough. He gets the tip of his tongue into Jared’s dimples and it makes Jared squirm a little, giggling because maybe it tickles or maybe he just finds the gesture as silly and sweet as Jensen does. 

 

When Jensen is satisfied that Jared’s face is come-free, he kisses him again, slow and deep, gentle with Jared’s freshly-fucked mouth. He can feel Jared shake above him, wrung out and tired, so he breaks the kiss and eases Jared down into the space he makes next to him. 

 

As he starts to lie down, Jared sighs, spent and happy. “I love you, Jensen.”   
  


Jensen stills immediately. He knows that Jared feels it. Jared freezes, too, like maybe he didn’t mean to say it or it surprised him, too. Either way, he seems to stutter through his movements, almost awkward now as he makes his place to settle at Jensen’s side. Jensen stays silent and still while his brain and his heart do what feels like backflips or tailspins at incredible speeds. His mouth is shockingly dry and when he swallows next, it’s loud in the close quiet of the bed.

 

“Jared–” Jensen starts to speak but Jared clears his throat and interrupts him.

 

“No, don’t. It– it’s okay, I…” Jared’s voice is small but firm – resigned. He turns his face into Jensen’s body and hugs him a little tighter. “It’s late.”   
  
Jensen shuts his eyes and internally curses himself.  _ Why didn’t he just say it? _ It’s true – it is. He knows what this is, how he feels, why he’s dragging Jared through this even though every instinct in his body tells him he should’ve made Jared leave him back in Austin. It would have been safer but he’s selfish and wants Jared close, wants his company more than he wants to know his own history, but suddenly when Jared said it…

 

It made it real. All of it. This big feeling in his chest, how Jared warms him, and how if he fucks this up it’s not just Jared’s heart but his  _ life _ in Jensen’s hands. He won’t be able to be selfish with Jared if– if… God, he’s been such a fool. And after everything they’ve been through together, after all the ways Jared has put himself on the line for him, Jared deserves to know that Jensen loves him. Of course he does. But somehow… that’s an admission. Not just of how Jensen feels but of that selfishness, the recklessness that’s kept Jared in danger. Jared deserves so much more than Jensen and what little he can offer but if he gives Jared his love, if he tells him they’re the same, that will be it. It will really be it, them,  _ in it _ , sticking it out.    
  
Jensen sighs, feeling stupid and lucky and cursed but determined. He loves Jared. He’ll tell him, he’ll leave him – do what he has to do to keep him safe – and however long it takes, he’ll come back to him and they’ll make the life they want. Jensen will do whatever while Jared finishes his degree, follow him wherever his academically-inclined heart desires. As long as he has that, has this,  _ Jared _ , that’s all Jensen wants. Everything else is trivial.

 

He can feel Jared’s mouth slack against his chest and the warm, regular puff of breath that tells Jensen that he’s asleep. Jensen isn’t surprised, not with all the wine, but he gives Jared a gentle squeeze anyway and turns his head, nosing into Jared’s hair.   
  
“Jared,” Jensen whispers, knowing Jared won’t hear him but still wanting to say it, just because it’s true. “I love you, too.”

 

\---

 

Jared feels the soft press of lips to his forehead and then realizes the brightness behind his eyelids and blinks them open. The sun is up and so is Jensen, giving him a Tylenol and holding out a glass of water.

 

“‘Morning, sunshine,” he winks when Jared takes a minute and then chuckles as Jared reaches out blindly for the glass while trying to sit up.    
  
Jared drains the cool liquid in one go, feeling refreshed and more awake when it’s gone.   
  
“Thanks,” he croaks. Jensen sits down on the bed next to him, already dressed and looking as handsome as always while Jared can feel that his hair is all over the place. He puts the empty glass on the nightstand and runs his fingers through his hair.

  
“How ya feeling, Jay?” Jensen asks, taking Jared’s hand when he’s done fussing with his hair, which will just have to do as is.   
  
“Okay, actually, considering I’m pretty sure I made a fool of myself a bit last night.” Jared looks at his hand where it’s under Jensen’s, not able to look at him right now. The wine definitely loosened him up last night but he was not  _ that _ drunk; he remembers everything, from how wonderful it was to sit at the dinner table with his family and Jensen – how much he wants that for them – and how charming Jensen was, to the possibly sloppy, over-eager blow job he gave Jensen and the way he couldn’t keep his mouth shut when he cuddled up afterwards, didn’t stop himself from saying– well, yeah.  _ That _ . And finally, he remembers with painful clarity how Jensen had tensed underneath him, how he had gone silent like Jared should have been the whole time.   
  
Jensen’s thumb is moving across his hand but Jensen is still quiet and it makes Jared’s stomach plummet, a sick weight in his gut that’s heavy and twisting. It’s just like him to ruin this. He hasn’t been with anyone in almost two years, has been too busy, hasn’t been interested in having his heart broken, and his track record– well, his last boyfriend can’t really hold a candle to Jensen but Jared is no stranger to falling hard and fast and fucking it up.   
  


Jared is so caught up in his own head that he doesn’t really notice Jensen shimmy closer until Jensen’s hand slides along his jaw and eases his face up so he has to look at him. He’s still smiling but there’s a softness and a shine to his eyes that makes Jared feel like Jensen knows what he’s thinking; it makes Jared’s face feel warm and his hands are shaking a little. 

 

“Jared–” 

 

“Jensen, we don’t have to talk about it. Please? Let’s just… forget about it, okay?” Jared is pleading when he interrupts him. It’s bad enough he blurted it out when it’s obvious Jensen doesn’t… but having Jensen  _ explain  _ why, that will only make it worse. They’re about to say goodbye and Jared is ruining the little time they have left together. 

 

“No. I need you to listen,” Jensen answers and leans in to kiss him. Jared leans into it, the soft, welcome pressure of Jensen’s mouth. 

 

“Will you listen?” Jensen asks against his lips when he’s let them go. Jared nods and tries to look down again but Jensen gives his chin a little shake.

 

“I love you, Jared,” Jensen says without hesitation and while holding Jared’s gaze intently. Jared’s breath catches in his chest and suddenly he doesn’t want Jensen saying it like this, doesn’t want him saying it because he feels he has to, because Jared said it first. He opens his mouth to say as much but Jensen stops him. “Ah, ah, ah. You said you’d listen.”   
  
Jared blinks and bites his lip. He nods again, nearly frozen in Jensen’s sights and tries to remember to breathe.   
  
“I really do. I should have told you last night. When you said you loved me, Jay, I… it hit me, just how much all of this is worth, how badly I’m fucking things up for you right now, how much worse it could get. I’m not glad to walk away from you but it’s really important that we separate and you stay safe. If something happened to you, I’d– I could never live with it. I will find a way to make it safe for us or… I won’t find you again. Do you understand what I’m saying? Because I love you. Too much to be the cause of… what might happen if I stay with you right now, or come back before the time is right.”   
  
Sometime while Jensen is speaking the grip on Jared’s lungs loosens. He’s breathing, a little rushed, and nodding, a little frantic, because he doesn’t want to say goodbye any more than Jensen does but hearing Jensen say– 

 

“I love you.” He says it again and catches Jared’s mouth with his. Jared whimpers into the kiss. He feels freed by the knowledge that Jensen loves him, too. He’s light as air, he’s floating, hell– he might even be able to fly. He moves his shaky hands to Jensen’s neck and opens for Jensen’s tongue. Jensen kisses him breathless and Jared just holds on. When Jensen finally breaks the kiss they’re both flushed and panting. Jensen rests their foreheads together and they take the moment, just smiling and breathing, and Jared doesn’t care what happens – he will never be anything but grateful that Jensen wandered into his life and turned it upside down.   
  
Jensen’s one hand is still cradling Jared’s face and Jared sighs, leaning into the touch.

 

“I can smell coffee brewing.” Jensen gives him one more kiss. “Why don’t you get dressed and we’ll get out there. We’ll figure out where to go from here after we’re caffeinated.”   
  
Jared laughs and Jensen’s smile gets wider. 

 

“Okay, Jen.”   
  
When Jared’s all dressed and has freshened up, he takes Jensen’s hand and they go out to the kitchen together. Kim is sitting with a full mug of coffee in front of her and Briana is sitting beside her holding her hand on top of the table. Kim looks sad and Briana seems concerned. Jared’s stomach tightens.

 

“Aunt Kim?” He’s quiet as they come closer to the dining table and Kim looks up. “What– what’s wrong?”   
  
Kim sighs heavily and Briana purses her lips, frowning.

 

“It’s Jack,” she answers, gesturing vaguely to the windows – to outside. “I let him out earlier and now he’s vanished. I don’t know. He always comes when he’s called. This isn’t like him. I’m worried.”   
  
Jared feels the change in Jensen before he even turns to look at him but when he does, he feels himself pale at the sharp, serious expression on Jensen’s face.

 

“Jensen?”    
  
For a brief moment, Jensen closes his eyes and breathes out. When he looks at Jared again, he’s apologetic. 

 

“Uh, Kim, does this place have a basement?” He asks. 

 

Kim and Briana both look confused.

 

“It does,” Kim answers in a questioning tone.   
  
“I’m going to need you all to get down there right now.” Jensen sounds rueful but assertive, an edge to his voice that Jared remembers hearing in his apartment in Austin, and Jared’s heart starts to hammer in his chest.    
  
“What?” Briana stand ups, surprised, but Kim is still sitting, blinking.

 

“I’m sorry but I mean it. Right now. It’s for your own safety.”    
  
“Jensen, what’s happening?” Jared turns to him, tugging his arm.

 

“Nothing, if I can help it. Please,” he gives Jared one more look, pleading and sincere, before turning back to Jared’s stunned aunts. “In the basement, now. Jared can explain when you’re down there. It’s not safe.”   
  
“Young man,” Kim is standing now and her tone of voice is one Jared has heard before – while growing up and getting in trouble. He and Jensen turn to face her as she comes toward them, addressing Jensen and looking quite menacing considering yesterday she was warm and welcoming and stuffing them both full of as much pasta and wine as they could handle. “What exactly is happening here? Bri and I are  _ cops _ if you’ve managed to somehow forget. This is our home and this is my nephew and –”   
  
Jensen gives Jared a desperate look and Jared’s brain comes back online. They’re in  _ danger _ and they don’t have time for this. Jared lets go of Jensen’s hand and grabs for Kim and Briana.

 

“Guys, really. We have to go,” he tries to get them to follow but Kim only looks more astonished. 

 

“Jared, you’re scaring me. Whatever’s going on, we can help you, okay? Just–”

 

“No, Aunt Kim, not this time. I’ll explain downstairs, I promise, but  _ please _ , just, come with me now.” Jared pulls out the big guns – his biggest, best puppy eyes (he knows they work, he uses them on Gen constantly – it may be the only reason she puts up with him, really) – and lets his fear and desperation read plain on his face. 

 

“Kim, c’mon.” Briana has Kim’s other arm now and she doesn’t look happy but she’s trying to comply.

 

“I don’t  _ believe _ this!” Kim exclaims but allows herself to be steered toward the basement door. Jared opens it and starts ushering them down.

 

“What about Jensen?” Kim scoffs from two steps down and Jared looks over his shoulder at Jensen who is looking intently out the window while taking the handgun out from where he had it hidden in the back waistband of his pants. Jared’s eyes go wide.   
  
“I’ll explain when it’s safe, Kim, please! Just go!” Jared begs and Kim throws her hands up but continues into the basement with Briana just ahead of her.    
  
“Jen– Jensen!” Jared gets his attention and Jensen looks over after checking the number of bullets and replacing the clip. 

 

“Jared, I’m so sorry. Just– stay out of sight. I’ll take care of it and come back for you.”   
  
“Promise me, Jensen,” Jared grabs his wrist before he can walk away and Jensen leans down to kiss him quickly.

 

“I promise. Now  _ go _ .”   
  
Jared makes himself let go of Jensen’s arm and closes the basement door behind him, locking it. He pauses a moment with his hand on the doorknob and his head on the wall. He tries to take deep, slow breaths to steady himself. Turns out his brilliant idea to hide out here isn’t just a bust but has put his family in danger, too. And he has to come up with something to tell them.  _ Fan-fucking-tastic _ . He sighs and steels himself to face his aunts as he turns and joins them downstairs.


	7. Chapter 7

Jensen would be cursing the situation he’s put Jared’s family in but at this particular moment he’s too focused. Whatever training he’s had, whoever he was before, is in the driver’s seat right now. Just like when he realized he was being followed in Mexico City, he seems to operate instinctively. It’s just him and the full magazine in his gun versus whoever is lying in wait for him outside. 

 

He has a handle on the layout of the property from when they arrived yesterday fresh and clear in his mind. He takes a side door out of the house and stays low, listening, looking – on high alert – as he makes his way to the cover of the trees and tall grasses from the swamp. The ground underneath his feet is soft as he makes it to the fenceline and he proceeds slowly and with caution, keeping an eye out for fresh tracks while he seeks out the enemy. 

 

There’s only really one point of higher ground with any vantage point to speak of that includes the house. Jensen stays out of sight in the trees, crouched low and moving with purpose in that direction. If he was going to lie in wait to take people out with a high powered rifle, it’s where he’d be. 

 

It takes him a good ten minutes to get all the way out and around to the far side of the swamp. His plan is to get the jump on whoever’s out here, if there even is anyone. Just when he’s starting to wonder if maybe he was wrong about their present danger, his eyes fall to the muddy earth and spy a fresh boot print. Jensen narrows his eyes, studying the impression. It belongs to a woman, slightly above average height based on the size of the shoe. It’s the tread of a military style combat boot and based on the direction it’s going in, she’s exactly where Jensen figured she’d be. He takes a deep breath, adjusts his grip on his gun and carries on as silently as he can, eyes up and scanning intently for any sign of his quarry. 

 

A splash of glistening crimson catches his eye and Jensen cranes forward to see better. His heart plummets. It’s Jack. He knew it would be the case. The people after him are ruthless; they wouldn’t think twice about putting a bullet in the dog to keep him from blowing their cover. The wound is right between his eyes; Jack died and he died fast, and the person who shot him is as dangerous as Jensen expected. 

 

Jensen is ready for them.

 

He creeps up slowly on the slightly raised ground and he can finally make out a dark spot in the rushes about thirty feet away that has to be the person hunting him. One more step and a twig under his foot snaps.  _ Shit _ . There’s a blur of movement and Jensen catches a glimpse of fiery red hair. The woman stands up abruptly, spinning to face him and raising her weapon but Jensen was ready. He pulls the trigger and her arm jerks as the bullet tears through her shoulder. She has no time to move before Jensen fires again, remembering the man at his apartment in Austin and not ready to take any chances. As the second shot hits her in the chest she stumbles back a step and drops. 

 

Jensen moves quickly to cover the distance between them. He finds her on her back, her rifle two feet ahead in the grass and her pistol abandoned barrel-first in the dirt, blood seeping through her black shirt and making her ruined leather jacket shiny. He keeps his gun aimed right at her face as her eyes, a little glassy, look up to his.   
  
“Who else is out here?” Jensen demands. She blinks at him and coughs weakly, splattering some blood onto her chin. When she doesn’t answer, Jensen frowns. He places the heel of one foot on her chest, threatening to put real force behind it right where she’s been shot.    
  
“How many are with you? I won’t ask again.”    
  
She looks confused. Jensen wonders how genuine it is, if it’s just an act, or if it’s because she’s dying.     
“I work alone, like you,” she says faintly. “We always work alone.”   
  
The confusion on her part looks more like skepticism now and Jensen feels a stab of anger mix with desperation; she knows something. She knows him?   
  
“What do you mean? Who are you?” He barks out, easing up on his foot to encourage her cooperation. Her eyebrows knit together as she tries to keep her eyes focused on him.

 

“Crossroads – both of us are,” she coughs around the answer, more blood dotting her lips.   
  
“What?” Jensen sputters.   
  
“I’m out of Miami. Which are you?” She asks him like she’s interested, almost like she gives a damn, and Jensen’s heart tightens unpleasantly in his chest. He doesn’t understand her question, wonders if Austin is the answer, or maybe Texas, or maybe something else entirely, but before he can open his mouth she’s groaning in pain and talking again.   
  
“The headaches… I still get them so bad. You get them, too?” Her face is pinched tightly and she draws in a sharp, shaky breath. Jensen’s heart is hammering hard in his chest. His mind is running a million miles a minute while he watches this unfamiliar woman writhe in agony. He withdraws his foot and crouches down, reaching for the lapels of her jacket. 

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. Really bad. Why? What– what do they mean?” Jensen knows he sounds desperate now, and he is. She’s giving him answers, she knows things, but he can see her slipping away.    
  
She moves as if to shrug but it makes her whole body shudder. She doesn’t know about the headaches.   
  
“Look– look what they make us give…” she trails off and her lashes flutter but her lids don’t close even as she gets heavy and goes slack under Jensen’s hands, her cool blue eyes unfocused somewhere in the sky behind him. 

 

Jensen is frozen a moment, clutching at her clothes and racking his brain for any sign he remembers her or anything that she’s saying. Nothing comes to him except angry, sharp pain in his head and he finally lets her go, dragging a hand over his face.

 

“Fuck,” he mutters into his hand. Then he stands up and yells, frustrated. “ _ Fuck!” _

 

This whole thing is a shit-show and it’s only getting worse. He looks down and contemplates her another moment. There’s a duffel in the grass next to her rifle, which he can’t exactly leave lying around. He sighs and goes over to dismantle it. He efficiently takes it apart and stows the pieces in the bag, which looks at a glance to have some other things in it that may prove useful. He pats her down, taking a cellphone from her back pocket, and adds it to the bag. He heaves the bag up onto his shoulder and makes for the house feeling wrung out, weary, and not at all looking forward to the things to come.

 

\---

 

When Jared turns the corner from the stairs into the basement, Kim and Briana are both standing there staring at him, brows up, eyes wide. Briana is holding onto Kim’s elbow and Kim’s hands are on her hips, one foot tapping impatiently underneath her. Briana is obviously very concerned. Kim masks her worry with anger first.

 

“What in the fuck is going on, Jared?” She starts when Jared apparently takes too long to say anything. 

 

Jared sighs and puts his hands up defensively. “Please, Kim. I– I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I never… I didn’t mean to bring this to you. I thought you’d both be in New York and this place would be empty. I thought it would be… safe.” 

 

The way he gets quiet at the end, the way safe is like a whisper, is what does her in; Jared knows it. He can see when the angry shell cracks and she bites her lip, huffs, and closes the distance between them to get her hands on Jared’s arms, Briana right behind her.   
  
“Baby, please. What–” she makes herself take a breath and steadies her voice “–what kind of trouble are you in? Tell us as your aunts, not– not as cops.”    
  
Jared can’t help it; it’s what he needs to hear, apparently, because his eyes suddenly burn hot and wet. He drops his face to Kim’s shoulder and she hugs him tightly. 

 

“Aw, Jay.” Briana’s arms are around him then, too, and he lets himself have a moment of comfort surrounded by these women who have known and loved him for so long.    
  
“We should probably sit,” Jared says, sniffling, and he wipes his nose on the back of his hand when they finally let him go. He nods at the old battered couch and they all move towards it. When they’re settled, Jared is sitting in between them with Briana’s hand on his shoulder and Kim’s hand holding his on his knee. He takes a deep breath.    
  
“I honestly don’t know what to say. It– it’s crazy and I know what you’re going to think, but… I need you to just trust me. It’s Jensen who’s in trouble. He– his life, before, it was dangerous. He had a dangerous job, a– a classified job,” Jared stumbles a little with the words, trying to figure out exactly how or what to say, but then he takes a deep breath and figures,  _ fuck it _ , and decides to start at the beginning, telling his aunts the bare bones version of everything that’s happened.   
  


They listening quietly with the passive, unreadable faces of women who have listened to a lot of stories in their time. Jared gets it all out in kind of a rush and when he looks up at them and for a moment they don’t respond, he starts to feel panicked and dives back in.

  
“But Jensen’s a good guy. You  _ have _ to believe me. It’s just really, really complicated and I can’t tell you everything but it’s bad, guys. It’s really bad. The people after him are really skilled, like– like Jensen. He brought me here to lay low. We were going to split up so he can take care of this for good but… I guess they followed us here, I don’t know how. And now you guys are in danger, too, and– and–” Jared’s breath catches on a sob and he presses the heel of his hand into his eye, refuses to cry. 

 

He makes himself look up again and he sees the way Kim and Briana are looking at each other, like they’re talking without saying anything, as if they can understand each other that way. He sniffles and Kim’s expression softens. She squeezes his hand. Briana reaches out and rubs his back. He feels like a little kid again under their attention but it kind of feels right, given the circumstances. He’s lost, overwhelmed, and scared. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared says again, softly. He listens to Kim sigh next to him.

 

“You really love him, huh?” Kim is quiet and her tone is hard to read. Jared can’t tell if she’s teasing or accusing him of something. His eyes flash up to hers but her expression is soft and he relaxes again.   
  
“I really, really do,” Jared agrees around another sniffle. Kim purses her lips and tucks a loose strand of Jared’s hair behind his ear. “And he loves me, too. He does. And this mess – it’s big, and scary and I have no idea what’s going to happen but he’s worth it. He is. I’m just sorry you had to get involved.”   
  
“Well, we’re not,” Briana chimes in and they both look at her. “No matter what happens with Jensen, you need someone else to have your back and who better than us? We love you, you’re family, and we’ve got the law on our side, really. If that’s what you need.”

 

Briana smiles at him seriously and Jared has always thought his aunt Kim could never have married a more amazing woman.    
  
“Thanks.” Jared can’t believe how lucky he is that these are the people he gets to call family. 

 

“So what’s your grand plan, kiddo?” Kim asks.   
  
Jared shrugs. “I don’t actually know. We were going to discuss it this morning but… I guess we have to wait until Jensen comes back. He’ll know what to do.”   
  
It feels like a small eternity, waiting in the basement. Jared loathes every second he has to sit there being scared – of what he doesn’t know, if Jensen’s okay, if they’ll be okay. Eventually, they hear a door open and close upstairs. There are footsteps, just one person, and as they all listen intently, Jared doesn’t miss when Kim gestures with a nod to Briana and moves quietly towards the gun cabinet. Then there’s the sound of someone stopping at the basement door and when it’s Jensen’s voice that calls out from the other side, Jared breathes a massive, shaky sigh of relief.

 

“Jared, it’s clear. You guys can come up.”    
  
\--- 

 

Jensen calls down to them in the basement then moves to the kitchen table to deposit the duffel bag. He’s about to open it and go over its contents – apart from the rifle he already knows is in there – when Jared and his aunts emerge at the top of the stairs.

 

“Jensen, thank god you’re okay.” Jared is on him in the next heartbeat, speaking the words, muffled, into his shoulder while he hugs him. Jared is taller than he his but somehow manages to make himself small when he tucks in close to Jensen’s body and Jensen melts into him. Jared is squeezing him tightly, palpably relieved, and Jensen wraps his arms around Jared in return, kissing at Jared’s temple and then speaking softly against his ear.

 

“‘Course I am. Promised I’d be back back, didn’t I?” He lets Jared feel his teasing smile before looking up to where Kim and Briana are holding hands and watching him and Jared with what Jensen recognizes as wary, assessing eyes. He swallows thickly. He doesn’t know what Jared had to tell them – true or otherwise – but neither woman is pulling their service weapon on him so whatever they’re thinking it can’t be all bad. Of course, that might change when he tells them about the body in their back field.

 

Jared finally lets go, though Jensen can feel his reluctance, and he stays at Jensen’s side.   
  
“So what happened? What’s that?” Jared asks, gesturing at the bag.    
  
Jensen holds Kim’s gaze and looks apologetic before sighing and answering.   
  
“That’s her bag. The assassin they sent.”   
  
“ _ Assassin _ ?”   
  
“Jesus Christ!”   
  
“Is she–”    
  
All of them speak at once and Jensen blinks while they all quiet again so he can continue.   
  
“She was camped out on the high ground with a sniper rifle. It’s in the bag. I’ll take it with me. She… she’s dead. It was her or me, and I got the drop on her. She uh… she told me some stuff though, before she died.”   
  
“Oh, fuck…” Kim curses and a hand flies up to her hairline as she starts pacing. Jensen can tell her brain is already working overtime to come up with what to do with the body, how by the book she’s going to play it. Briana gets a comforting hand on Kim’s back and Jensen is thankful that she doesn’t look pissed at him right now. She’s got all the rights to.   
  
“What’d she say, Jen?” Jared asks quietly and it draws Jensen’s attention back to the innocent face and hazel eyes that are looking at him with such openness and trust that Jensen has to reach out and touch him, just to make sure it’s real. He gently cups Jared’s jaw and slides his thumb over Jared’s cheek. Jared smiles shyly, tilting into the touch.

 

“She said she works for something or someone called ‘Crossroads.’ She talked like… she might have known me. She said I worked for them, too. She uh, mentioned the headaches, you know? Like it has something to do with… whatever we do for them, or… I’m not sure. That’s all I got.”   
  
Jared’s eyes go wide and then his brows knit together while he thinks. Jensen lets go of his face, moving to sit at the table in front of the bag. Jared joins him. Kim and Briana who had been talking together, hushed, share a concerned glance before taking seats next to Jared, too.   
  
“Well, that’s a lead though, right? You’ve got a name, you can look into that?” Jared asks hopefully.   
  
“Yeah, it’s something. Better than nothing. Crossroads doesn’t mean anything to either of you, does it?” Jensen asks Kim and Briana, just in case. Kim shakes her head but Briana looks down at her hands where she’s spinning the wedding ring on her finger.   
  
“Bri?” Kim prompts and her wife looks up at her, biting her lip.   
  
“I’ve got a friend in the CIA. We go way back, you know? We were on the force together until she got picked up by intelligence. A couple years ago she mentioned this classified program, something new. She didn’t make the cut actually, and when we went out to drink and stick it to ‘em for turning her down… she let Crossroads slip. That was it though. I don’t know anything else about it but it’s definitely us. As in, the American government.”   
  
There’s a long, pregnant pause where that sinks in. Jensen shares somber expressions with everyone at the table.   
  
Jensen sighs and goes for the bag. He unzips it and rummages through the contents: there are binoculars, a knife, another handgun, ammo for both weapons, a couple of GPS trackers, earbuds and her phone. Jensen picks up her phone and surprisingly it’s not locked.  _ Guess she didn’t figure she’d be losing it any time soon _ . Jensen opens the call log and the number is blocked but he can still call it back. He holds it to his ear as it starts to ring and puts his finger to his lips, indicating for Jared, Kim, and Briana to stay quiet.

 

“ _ Code in, please.”  _ It’s a woman’s voice on the other end.   
  
“Who is this?” Jensen tries. 

 

There’s a long pause before the woman repeats herself. “ _Code in._ ”  
  
“Who the hell are you?” Jensen demands. The line doesn’t drop but the woman is quiet. “The woman you sent is dead so you better start talking.”  
  
“ _Jensen, hello_.” It’s a man’s voice now. He has a British accent.  
  
“I said, who the hell are you?” Jensen presses.  
  
“ _Come now, Jensen. You only have two choices. Come in and let us make this right, or we’ll keep coming for you until we’re satisfied you won’t cause us any more problems._ ” The man’s voice is rich with condescension and it makes Jensen bristle instinctively.   
  
“You mean until you kill me,” Jensen puts plainly. He hears the man sigh on the other end. The others at the table are gravely silent, no doubt able to hear both sides of their conversation.  
  
“ _I can’t help you if I don’t know what the problem is, Jensen.”_ The man is dancing around the subject. Jensen has no doubt that he really does have only two options here and one of them is ending up dead, but the other will not be coming in. Not on their terms.   
  
“You start answering my questions and maybe we’ll see,” Jensen bites back. The man on the other end hums, contemplative.  
  
“ _Why don’t you talk to Jared, Jensen? See what he wants to do.”_   
  
Jensen swallows hard at the mention of Jared. The man is baiting him, threatening. Jensen looks at Jared and his eyes are wide – he absolutely heard.  
  
“I don’t think Jared gives a shit. He’s dead,” Jensen tosses out, hard-edged and nonchalant. Jared startles in his seat and looks panicked but Jensen shakes his head and reaches for him with his free hand, gives his knee a squeeze. Kim gets a hand on his shoulder, too, and Jensen knows she understands what he’s doing.  
  
“ _I’m very sorry to hear that, Jensen. How did that happen?_ ”  
  
“He was slowing me down,” Jensen answers tersely. Whatever happens when this is all over, Jared won’t be a part of it. He’ll be safe or his name will be clear and that’s all that matters.  
  
“ _Jensen, listen. All we’ve been trying to do–”_  
  
“Cut the bullshit. I’ve had enough. Downtown Orlando, today. Orange Street at Church, 1600 hours. Come alone. There’s a sculpture there, a kind of globe. Stand beside it on the East side and take off your jacket. I’ll call you at this number.”  
  
“ _Jensen, wait–”_ Jensen hangs up. He takes a deep breath and sets down the phone.  
  
“Why’d you do that, Jensen?” Jared sounds frantic. “Why’d you tell him that– that you–”  
  
“Baby, listen,” Kim jumps in, voice soothing. “He’s giving you an out, okay? By making you a victim, he’s taking you off their radar and making sure that if there is a record of this somewhere, you aren’t culpable.”  
  
“She’s right, Jared,” Briana agrees. She nods and when she looks over at Jensen, he can see the approval and gratitude in her eyes, can see that she understands Jensen is trying to do right by Jared.  
  
“You’re going to get back to your life before me, Jared. Back at the University of Mexico, with your roommate and your classes and your thesis, okay?”  
  
“What? How am I supposed to get back there? If these people are the government, won’t they get my passport or…”  
  
“They would, but I have an idea. Hold on…” Jensen reaches into his back pocket and fishes out the card that has Jeff’s number scrawled across it. He doesn't let himself second guess it, just punches in the number and waits for it ring.  
  
“ _Hello?”_ The gravelly quality of Jeff’s voice is familiar and reassuring.  
  
“Hey, Jeff. It– it’s Kid,” Jensen offers tentatively.  
  
“ _No shit! Jim, Kid’s on the phone, get over here._ ” Jeff’s voice gets quiet as he moves away from the mouthpiece to bark at his best friend and Jensen can’t help but laugh. He can tell Jeff’s put him on speaker. “ _We’re both here, Kid. It’s good to hear from you. What’ve you figured out?”_  
  
“Hey, Jim. Yeah, it’s– it’s real good to hear your voices, actually. And my name is Jensen, for starters.” He’s grinning as he tells them, stupidly a little proud to get to introduce himself finally. Jared is looking at him warmly like he gets it.  
  
“ _Well, Jensen, it’s good to meet you,”_ Jeff laughs a little. “ _It’s a good name. Suits you_.”  
  
“Thanks, Jeff. Listen, I hate to do this to you but… I kind of need to ask you a favour. I can pay you this time, though. I’ll make it worth the trouble.”  
  
“ _Aw, Kid,_ ” Jim cuts in on the other end. Jensen kind of loves that Jim is hanging on to his nickname. “ _You know we’re soft for you. What do you need?”_  
  
“Any chance you’re close to Florida?” Jensen asks, hopeful.  
  
“ _It’s your lucky day, Kid. We’ll be docking in Tampa tomorrow, actually_.”  
  
Jensen breathes a sigh of relief. “Amazing. I need you to get someone back into Mexico. He… He’s really important to me. And he’s in danger because of me, because of the life I’m looking into. He can fill you in but… please. I’d be indebted to you forever.”   
  
Jensen holds Jared’s gaze while he speaks and Jared worries his lip between his teeth, eyes soft and fond.  
  
“ _Well, I think we can manage that, Jensen. Just ‘cause you asked so nice._ ” Jeff sounds like he’s teasing and Jensen can just imagine him winking. He knows they understand. “ _You won’t be tagging along, too?”_  
  
Jeff sounds disappointed when he asks. He already knows the answer. Jensen is disappointed, too.  
  
“Not this time, Jeff. I’ve got some stuff I gotta deal with first. But you’ll be seeing me, I promise.”  
  
“ _We believe you, Kid. Just pass on our number to your friend–”_ Jensen doesn’t miss how they stress the word _friend_ suggestively “– _and take care of yourself._ ”

 

“Thanks, guys. I still owe you. Big time. Jared will have money for you, okay? Don’t argue, just take it. We’ll be in touch.”    
  
Jensen puts the phone back down on the table. He’s not keen to let Jared out of his sight and loathe to say goodbye but this will be for the best and that feels good in its own way.    
  
“Jensen, talk to me. What’s your plan?” Jared asks anxiously.   
  
“Well,  _ you _ are going home. Jeff and Jim will be in Tampa tomorrow. They’ll no doubt have some running around to do but they won’t stay more than a day or two and then you can get back to Mexico with them. As for me, I have to end this. Or else they’ll never stop coming for me and we’ll never be safe.”    
  
Jared looks not entirely convinced. “Jim and Jeff – they’re good people, Jay,” Jensen adds quietly, reassuring.   
  
“I know,” Jared agrees. “They took care of you, so, I know.”    
  
They share small smiles and then Jensen leans in to give Jared a quick kiss. He can feel the change in the mood at the table, at least between them. Their goodbye is coming up fast.   
  
“When you get back, just, go about your life, okay? If the police come asking questions, you tell them you don’t know anything about me but my name, that I coerced you, hijacked your car at gunpoint and left you for dead but you got away. Alright?”    
  
Jared hesitates. Jensen can see the way he resists this part, the thought of blaming Jensen, making him the bad guy.   
  
“Jared, Jensen knows what he’s talking about. This will be better for both of you in the long run. Trust us,” Kim encourages him. 

 

Jared sighs and relents. “Okay. I don’t like it but… okay.”   
  
Jensen smiles and kisses him again.   
  
“We’ll call in the body as a failed B and E,” Briana adds. “And you two were never here.”   
  
“What?” Jared spins in his chair to face her. “You can’t do that!”   
  
“We’ve got to do something, sweetheart,” Kim says. “Bri and I talked about it and it’s what makes the most sense, considering.”   
  
“But… You could lose your jobs…” Jared sounds heartbroken and Jensen gets it. The last thing he wanted was to bring this world of trouble down on Jared, much less his family. He’s got to commend Kim and Briana, though. They’re outstanding women and the kind of people anyone would be lucky to have in their corner. They’ve really got Jared’s back.   
  
“Honey, listen. You’re family, and we love you, and this trouble that’s following you… I’m going to be honest with you, it scares me. This is big, bigger than we understand, and I think this is the safest play here. You get to go home, and I think that’s the key. Me and Bri – we got this, okay?”   
  
Jared takes a moment to look at each of them in turn. Kim and Briana are settled and don’t appear nearly as upset or worried as Jensen figures they could, given everything that’s happening. When Jared finally looks at Jensen his eyes are shining and Jensen’s mouth goes dry.   
  
“I guess that’s it then.” His voice is quiet and wavers a little.    
  
“I guess it is,” Jensen agrees, and he’s just as quiet.    
  
There’s a moment of silence and then Kim and Briana are standing up.   
  
“Well, Jensen, I wish the circumstances were different but we’re still very glad to have met you. It’s obvious you two have got something worth fighting for. I hope we’ll get to see you again.” Kim is standing behind Jared with her hand on his shoulder. Jared is adamantly looking past Jensen’s face, not directly at him, worrying his lip again as a tear rolls down his cheek.   
  
“Thank you, Kim. Briana,” Jensen nods to them both. “Jared’s lucky to have you. I’m really, truly sorry for the trouble I’ve caused you. Especially… sorry about Jack.”   
  


Jensen winces while Kim nods slowly, sadly. Briana squeezes Kim’s hand and hides her face in against Kim’s shoulder. Jensen can tell they already suspected but… now they know.    
  
“I look forward to seeing you in better times, really,” Jensen adds finally, should he ever be so lucky to be welcomed back into their home again someday.   
  
Kim and Briana leave them alone. Jared still won’t look at him.   
  
“Jared,” Jensen murmurs. He shuffles his chair closer so their knees are bumping and leans forward. He gets his hand under Jared’s chin to turn it his way, his fingers wiping at the wetness on Jared’s cheek. “This goodbye – it’s not forever. When this is done, when I know it’ll be safe – I’ll come for you.”   
  
Jared blinks, his lashes fluttering as he tries to fight the tears. He finally looks at Jensen and sniffs.   
  
“Promise me, Jensen,” he whispers brokenly. It’s an echo of when he asked earlier today. Jensen tries to smile but it’s harder than he thought it’d be; he doesn’t want to leave Jared. And he will make this promise but if it comes down to him or Jared, if it never gets to be safe… he can’t stand to think it, but he won’t endanger Jared again. 

 

He closes the little distance left between them and kisses Jared instead. At first it’s chaste, just a quick press of lips, but the desperation of the moment gets the better of them both. Jensen can taste the salt from Jared’s tears on his lips and he laps it up, licks into his mouth and deepens the kiss. It’s messy, a rushed, bruising press of lips and clash of teeth, but they’re frantic and this is it. 

 

“I promise, Jared,” Jensen says, breathless when he finally breaks the kiss. “I promise. And I love you. I love you, okay?”   
  
“Okay, Jen.” Jared kisses him again quickly, still sniffling. “I love you, too.”   
  
Jensen stands, leaving the card with Jeff’s number on the table. Jared holds his hand and he lingers a moment, then reluctantly walks away to get his passport and just a little cash from their bag. He comes back to grab the duffel, slinging it over his shoulder, and Jared is resting his chin in the palm of his hand, elbow on the table.   
  
“I took what I need. Give 20k to Jeff and Jim, please. The rest is all yours, okay? For your VISA, for whatever. I’ll be seeing you, Jared.”   
  
Jared makes a small, broken sound in the affirmative and Jensen knows they’re out of words. He ducks down, kisses Jared’s forehead, and makes himself walk away before he loses his resolve.

  
\---

 

Jensen is perched on the roof of a low building opposite the square where he told his contact to meet him. He’s been staked out there for a few hours and now, a few minutes before their rendezvous time, he’s shaking his head and cursing under his breath.    
  
From his vantage point he can see everything. These assholes, for all the skill of their assassins, are not subtle. There’s what clearly is a surveillance van parked at the southeast corner almost directly below him. He can also spot four obvious plants, men standing around casually mumbling to themselves occasionally – reporting – and they look anything but natural where they’re spread around the square for coverage. 

 

Fine then. If they’re not going to play by Jensen’s rules they won’t play at all. Game over. Jensen runs his fingers over one of the self-adhesive GPS trackers in his jacket pocket. He waits and watches for his contact.   
  
Right on time, a stocky man, average height, with dark hair and dark beard, maybe early fifties, strolls up to the structure in the middle of the square, looking around intently the whole while. He’s wearing a black suit – well tailored, expensive – and when he gets in position he shrugs off his jacket and folds it carefully over his arm, his other hand disappearing into his pocket, no doubt holding his phone. 

 

Jensen gets his cell phone out and hits redial as he moves for the stairwell to take him back down to street level.  
  
He’s at the bottom of the first flight when the guy picks up.  
  
“ _Jensen?”_   
  
“I told you to come alone. Apparently that’s one instruction too many for you? So no dice. I’m gone.” Jensen promptly hangs up. He moves quickly down the stairs and out of the building. He turns up the lapels of his leather jacket to hide his face and checks over his shoulder for the plant closest to him. He’s talking now, looking around a little frantically and Jensen grins to himself. He walks directly past the conspicuous van, stooping to feign tying his shoes and sticking the tracker to the undercarriage of the vehicle, and then he disappears.

 

\---

 

Jensen watches the movement of the van on the screen of the woman’s phone and follows it to an older, nondescript apartment building. It’s parked around the corner by the time Jensen gets there but the two clowns hovering at the main door and the other at the back make it obvious. Jensen almost starts to worry; it’s almost too easy.    
  
Jensen scopes the place out from an opposite rooftop. From there, with his borrowed binoculars, he can see the man from the square moving around inside the top floor, corner apartment. He’s pacing, talking on his phone, and occasionally seems to be yelling at a young woman who’s working at a computer. There are bags of shredded documents all around her desk. They’re packing up, moving shop.

 

Jensen gets onto the roof of their building via the fire escape. When he gets inside he stays quiet, hands on his gun, and listens. The building is all but empty. He makes his way to where they are carefully clearing the hallways as he goes. When he gets to the right floor, there’s a man pacing the hallway. Jensen waits until he turns around and then comes up behind him, getting him in a choke hold. He starts to struggle, bucking and hitting at Jensen’s arm, throwing his elbows back – anything – but Jensen ignores the blows. He’s bigger and has the surer footing; he just has to wait him out. Jensen has a hand over the guy’s mouth while he pulls up tighter under his chin with his other arm and, finally, he goes limp in Jensen’s arms.    
  
Their scuffle was not silent. Jensen eases the body down to the floor and pauses, listening intently. He can’t be sure if they heard him. He presses his ear to their door and it’s eerily silent. He curses internally and backtracks, picking a lock and going into another, vacant apartment.  _ Out the window it is _ .    
  
Scaling the wall proves no more difficult than when he escaped the guards at the Embassy back in Mexico, though he is glad for the cover of the growing darkness now that the sun has set. He moves as quickly as he can, both to avoid being seen from the street and to take advantage of the opportunity if the man inside the apartment is going for the door.    
  
Jensen pushes open the window and slips inside; he’s in the kitchen. It’s dark and vacant. He gets his gun out and moves into the main room where he’d seen them both earlier. The woman is there and she startles when she sees him. He points the gun at her and brings a finger to lips to tell her to shush. She nods slowly and watches him. He can tell she’s trying to get a read on him. He can also tell she’s seen him before. He’s pointing a gun at her but she’s not really scared, like she doesn’t think he’ll shoot her. Still, she’s unarmed and Jensen can tell by the way she’s standing she’s not a field agent. She’s not… like him.    
  
Jensen hears the man move around the corner when a floorboard creaks. He gets himself tucked up against the wall and waits, his gun still trained on the woman. When the man slowly comes into the room with his gun drawn, Jensen moves lightning quick. He slams his elbow down on the man’s outstretched arms. He drops his weapon and it clatters to the ground as Jensen grabs him by his collar and shoves him up against the wall, hard. His gun is pointed at his face and his other hand maintains control, palm open and pressed against the base of his neck.   
  
“Jensen–” he starts, swallowing hard under Jensen’s hand.

 

“Move and you die,” Jensen hisses. The man sighs, frustrated.   
  
“What do you want?” He relents, irritated.   
  
“Crossroads.”    
  
“Look around, Jensen. Not much left!” He barks back, looking smug. It brushes Jensen the wrong way. He knocks the butt of his gun into the man’s temple and he winces.   
  
“What does that mean? Are you Crossroads?” Jensen demands. 

 

There’s a brief pause where the man looks confused. He narrows his eyes and then shares a look with the woman standing in the corner. Jensen looks her way and she looks confused, too – concerned, even.   
  
“Am I Crossroads?” The man parrots. He actually laughs, and then slaps at Jensen’s gun, knocking it out of his face. Jensen is still holding on to it but he’s feeling lost. He takes a step back and aims the gun at the man again, just so he doesn’t forget that Jensen’s still in charge here. 

 

“Danni, darling, I think he’s lost it,” the man scoffs, shaking his head at her. She bites her lip and when she looks at Jensen again, Jensen isn’t sure what he’s seeing – pity, maybe? Worry?   
  
“We’re on the same side you  _ moron _ !” The man yells, spitting in Jensen’s face even from two feet away.   
  
“Mark, please–” Danni’s voice is pleading but he puts up a hand and gives her a silencing look.   
  
“And who– who’s side is that, exactly?” Jensen asks. His headache flares and he has to fight not to look pained. The man doesn’t notice but he’s laughing again anyway.   
  
“You have no bloody idea what you’re doing, do you Jensen?” He asks, incredulous.   
  
“ _ Enough _ !” Jensen yells. His patience is wearing thin. He has to move quickly. There’s still a body in the hallway and who knows if Mark or Danni has managed to somehow alert others to Jensen’s presence here. “Who am I?” Jensen demands, threatening Mark with his gun.   
  


Mark blinks. He looks at Danni and shakes his head.   
  
“You are U.S. government property,” he hisses, sneering. “You’re a multi-million dollar weapon that has somehow malfunctioned. You’re a bloody disaster, Jensen!” 

 

Jensen’s vision blurs with the pain in his head. He swallows hard, tries to tamp it down, but his blood is pounding in his ears.    
  
“And you  _ will _ tell me how in God’s name this happened. Jensen, what the hell happened in Tampa?  _ What happened in Tampa? _ ”   
  
Jensen tries to focus. He’s angry, and he’s the one with the gun here, not Mark.   
  
“You – you sent me to kill Martinez.” Jensen states, accusing. Mark rolls his eyes.   
  
“No, don’t be daft. I could send Danneel here to kill Martinez. I sent you to be fucking  _ invisible _ ! Because you do not exist, Jensen. Tell me what happened in Tampa. What happened on his boat, Jensen?”   
  
“I don’t– I don’t know what happened. I don’t remember!” Jensen snaps back. He keeps his gun aimed at Mark’s face but his other hand flies to his temple. He pushes hard against it, trying to fight the pain.    
  
“Bollox! You failed, soldier. You failed. Tell me what happened!” Mark rounds on him, voice rising, and Jensen takes a step back.    
  
“I don’t remem–”   
  
“It was all you, Jensen! You created Dean Winchester, you set up the meet. You picked the boat, found the security company. You’re the one who decided the damn yacht would be the strike point, Jensen! You tracked everything, planned the day. You hid on the boat for three days – it was a done deal. What the bloody hell happened, Jensen?”   
  
Jensen gasps as a particularly sharp pain spikes behind his eyes but then he sees it – he remembers. He can picture it, sees himself in his wet suit, his gun outstretched and pointed at Martinez’ head. But– there’s a little girl. Martinez’s kid – can’t be even four years old – and she’s sleeping in his lap. Jensen remembers how he hesitated, that he suddenly couldn’t go through with it. He turns to leave and that’s when a security guard pauses in the doorway and sees him. He makes a run for it but it’s a clear line of sight and he takes two bullets in the back as he jumps into the Gulf.   
  
Jensen is panting as the memory fades and so does the pain. Mark is watching him, calculating.   
  
“You do remember, don’t you?” Mark glares as he takes a step toward him.   
  
The pain recedes and Jensen regains his footing. He stands tall and strengthens his arm, refocuses his aim.   
  
“I don’t want to do this anymore,” he states plainly. Mark scoffs.   
  
“You don’t get to make that call.”   
  
“No. I’m on my own side now. I don’t care who you report to or how you make it happen but Jensen Ackles is dead. He drowned in the Gulf two weeks ago. If I so much as feel someone behind me, I will come for you, do you understand me? This is it. This is me, out. Done.”    
  
Jensen makes a step in the direction of the window but there’s a crash as someone breaks down the door to the apartment. A man comes barrelling in, gun raised, and Jensen doesn’t hesitate. He shoots. Danneel jumps, flinching, and the man drops to the ground. Mark ducks and goes for his gun where it lies on the floor. From his knee, he brings the gun up to point at Jensen but Jensen is faster. He shoots again and Mark slumps to the ground.   
  
Jensen turns to Danneel. She’s gone pale and looks at him with wide eyes.   
  
“Jensen,  _ go _ . There’ll be more coming.”    
  
Jensen regards her a moment. She sounds and appears sincere. He suddenly wonders about their relationship. Objectively, she’s incredibly beautiful – tall for a woman, slim, long auburn hair and kind eyes – but Jensen isn’t attracted  _ to _ her.    
  
“You really… don’t remember?” Her voice is weak and it breaks when she asks. She’s hurt. Jensen doesn’t remember her but the way she’s looking at him… he genuinely feels badly. He shakes his head and she bites her lip. She looks like she might cry.   
  
“It’s okay, Jen,” she sniffles. Jensen feels warm at the familiarity of the nickname. “You can trust me. I’ll cover for you. It’s over. You’re free now. Please just go, before it’s too late!”    
  
Jensen doesn’t need to be told twice. Somehow he knows it’s true; she really will cover for him. He makes for the window and gets one leg out before turning to her one last time.   
  
“Thank you,” he whispers. She nods and shoos at him with her one hand. The other is wiping at her eye.    
  
Jensen climbs out of the window and makes his escape.


	8. Chapter 8

The next week or so of Jared’s life is a blur. He meets up with Jeff and Jim at the pier in Tampa without any trouble, though making his way without Jensen was a bit scarier than he’d care to admit. The whirlwind he’d been caught up in was easily much more terrifying but all the while he’d had Jensen at his side and despite all the danger he’d felt safe with him.    
  
Jeff and Jim were as nice as Jensen spoke of them to be. They had listened with rapt attention at Jared’s explanation of what Jensen had been up to and baulked at the money that Jared  _ insisted _ they accept. Walking away from Jensen had been difficult and Jared felt it deeply, but being in the company of people who knew him, who talked of him, was somewhat of a balm. As their small fishing boat carried Jared closer to the life he led before, to Mexico, Jared could feel himself withdrawing. Jensen was gone. He was supposed to go back to his boring, uneventful life in his and Gen’s little apartment, filled with the scattered papers of his academic existence; he was supposed to get back to reading and writing and getting up at the front of a classroom filled with undergrad students and pretend nothing  _ monumental _ had happened, like getting shot at and… and falling in love?   
  
His gracious hosts seemed to understand, though they never said anything directly about it. They gave Jared his space, coaxed him to sit at their table and eat with them, and kept up quietly encouraging, kind demeanours.    
  
They part ways at the four corners of dirt roads that pass for an intersection in the village where Jeff and Jim live. The guys’ wives had fussed over him a while, giving him cookies and tea while they waited for the cab they called to come from the city. The drive is painfully silent. Jared sits slumped low in the backseat, his forehead against the glass. It’s not restful – the road is bumpy even after they get to the highway and he keeps hitting his eyebrow on the window – but Jared barely notices. His stomach is in knots, heavy and low in his gut. His chest feels hollow and aches. All he can think is how once he sets foot in his apartment – that’s it. The whole thing, the whole grand fucking adventure will be eclipsed by his return, set to turn into a memory, and possibly nothing more if– if things don’t go Jensen’s way. Jared can barely entertain the thought. It’s bad enough he has no way of contacting Jensen, no way to know how long it might be until they ever see each other again, no way to know if the worst should happen….    
  
Stepping out of the cab with Jensen’s duffel over his shoulder, Jared looks up at the old building he calls home. As the cab drives away, he feels a loneliness settle in that makes his knees weak and his breath shake a little. He runs an unsteady hand through his hair and makes himself put one foot in front of the other until he’s standing at his apartment door. 

 

Opening it and laying eyes on their living room is almost surreal. The place is clean and tidy – more so than usual, thanks to Gen and no doubt his absence – with the exception of his desk and bookshelves in the far window, which looks as much a disaster as he left it, like it hasn’t been touched. That pang goes through again, the thought that his life is somehow unchanged even though he doesn’t feel like the same person at all, and his breath catches. His eyes well up quickly and he bites his lip anxiously, holding back even though he knows he won’t be able to stop what’s coming.    
  
There’s a shuffle down the hallway and Jared distantly realizes Gen is home, and she’s heard him come in. For a moment, he’s ashamed she’s going to see him fall apart the way he knows he’s about to, but then it’s not the first time she’s seen it and suddenly, he’s not sure he’s ever needed her more.   
  
“Jared?” She asks, sounding hopeful, as she throws open her bedroom door and turns towards him. “Jar–!” 

 

When she sees him, she starts to exclaim excitedly but then she  _ really _ sees him – eyes glistening, the kicked puppy (her words, not his) look on his face he knows must be there – and she pauses. Blurry as the moisture in his eyes makes his vision, Jared can see it on her face when she seems to understand; her hand flies to her mouth and she takes a slow step in his direction.    
  
“Oh, Jare…” she exhales, reaching for him, and it’s all he can take. Jared can’t turn to look at her but chokes one last time as a quiet tear rolls down his cheek and then the dam is broken; he starts to sob just as Gen gets her arms around him.   
  
“Honey, I’m so sorry,” she coos into his chest, rubbing her tiny hands soothingly up and down his back. He’s doubled over uncomfortably to bury his face in her neck, and it’s awkward but it’s what he needs and Gen is more than strong enough to keep him upright, even if his legs have decided they don’t want to. As he cries, it gets worse; he can barely breathe and it feels like his chest is cracking in two.   
  
“Come on,” she starts to guide him over to their couch. He doesn’t help much, staying hunched over her small form and holding on like he won’t make it without her. She settles him down and keeps her arms around him, a hand coming up to stroke at his hair. “Tell me all about him, Jay.”   
  
\---

 

After what goes down with Mark, Jensen goes back to Miami and lays low. He has to be reasonably sure before he jeopardizes Jared’s life – the life they want together – but it’s absolutely a test of his patience and self-discipline. Jensen is back to sleeping like shit and his headaches are strong and constant without Jared around. Jensen isn’t sure why that is but he doesn’t care. He knows that Jared makes him better and that’s what counts. If he were to hazard a guess, he imagines it’s to do with the way Jared makes him relax, makes him more human and less… whatever he was before, but the why is less important to Jensen now than the simple fact of it.

 

Jensen is done digging. He keeps his ear to the ground so-to-speak, doing routine searches online for Crossroads – just to see if anything comes up – checking the news and listening to police scanners for anything that feels like them getting close. He’s not in a good place when he finally decides he’s waited long enough. He can’t remember the last time he slept more than a few hours and he gave up on pills for his headaches after a week of popping anything he could get over the counter did nothing.    
  
He’s been keeping tabs on Jeff and Jim’s boat, too. When he hears via the coast guard that it’s coming into the pier again, that’s what finally makes up his mind. He packs up what little he has and immediately goes to meet them.   
  
When he walks out along the dock to where he knows they’ll be, Jensen rounds another boat and Jim is in the middle of loading some crates onto the deck. He puts down the box in his hands and, seeing Jensen, stands up and smiles warmly. He looks relieved.   
  
“Is your boy ever gonna be glad to see you,” he grins. Jensen laughs, but he knows the feeling. He’s itching to get back to him, too.    
  
Jim gives him a tight hug. “You look like shit, Kid. Let’s get you home, yeah?”   
  
Jensen nods tiredly, agreeing, and lets Jim sling his arm across his shoulders and lead him onto the boat. For a brief moment he gets stuck on the idea of home but just as quick he realizes Jim isn’t wrong. Where he’s going is where Jared is and that’s all the home he could ever want.   
  
\---

 

Jared is in the that warm, vague space between being awake and asleep. He stayed up late marking his students’ papers with Gen, but it’s Thursday and he doesn’t have class until after noon so he doesn’t set an alarm; Gen always makes sure he’s ready to be dragged back to the university. He’s not sure what time it is, just that it’s bright in his room, his bed is comfortable, and he’d rather stay asleep as long as he can; it’s the only place he gets to be with Jensen again.    
  
Asleep, in dreams, Jared can relive their adventure or imagine Jensen is here with him, a part of the life he’s floundering through right now, trying to ignore the emptiness of Jensen’s absence. He spends the better part of every waking moment convincing himself to just get through the day because maybe – just  _ maybe _ – today’s the day Jensen will find him again. Every night when he goes to bed alone he consoles himself with the dreams he’ll have and the hope of maybe tomorrow.    
  
It’s been almost a month now and Jared doesn’t feel less awful than when he left Jensen so many days ago, it’s just… gotten easier to bear. He puts on a good face, figures his superiors and his students might not even know that he’s hollow inside, but Gen knows. She’s patient and supportive, and keeps him going. This morning, with nothing on his agenda and his comforter wrapped around him, Jared tries to put off the inevitable by keeping his eyes shut and drifting in and out of sleep, in and out of dreams. 

 

“ _ Jay… _ ”    
  
Jared loves how his name sounds in Jensen’s mouth. There’s something so soft about the way he says it, and it makes Jared’s heart warm even as he aches for it to be real. He smiles, holding on to the echo of it, and hums, stretching a little and settling back into his pillow with a sigh.   
  
“Baby, it’s me. Wake up, Jay,” Jensen laughs a little under his breath and Jared’s eyes fly open just as Jensen’s hand passes across his forehead, pushing back the hair from his face. Jensen is sitting on the edge of his bed looking down at him with a small smile and the beginnings of those crinkles at his eyes. He looks like hell – like he hasn’t been sleeping since Jared left him – but is still the most beautiful thing Jared has ever seen. He almost can’t believe his eyes.   
  
“Jensen?” He sputters out, blinking, and Jensen’s smile just gets bigger.   
  
“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Morning, sunshine.”   
  
Jared blinks again and it all sinks in at once.   
  
Jensen is here. For real. In his room.  _ Jensen _ .   
  
Jared scrambles to get upright and all but throws himself at Jensen.   
  
“Jen!” He buries his face in Jensen’s neck and his eyes are wet and his voice gives him away completely but he’s so happy he doesn’t care enough to be embarrassed.    
  
If Jensen is startled by Jared’s launching himself at him, he doesn’t show it. His arms wrap around Jared immediately and hold him close, squeeze him tight, and his voice is muffled because of the way his face is tucked against Jared’s neck, too.

 

“ _ Jay, _ ” he says again and this time Jared is awake and listening and he cries quietly into Jensen’s shoulder.   
  
It takes a minute for Jared to pull himself together and he’s still sniffly when he pulls back to look at Jensen, reaching to cup his face with both hands.   
  
“I thought– I was afraid you wouldn’t–” Jared cuts himself off, chuffs because he can’t find the words. He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and sniffs before trying again. “You’re really here.”   
  
“I’m really here,” Jensen echoes. His eyes are glistening, too, and Jared’s heart is fit to burst.    
  
“Does that mean…?” Jared lets his voice carry his hope. His thumbs stroke absentmindedly up and down the sides of Jensen face, feeling his stubble rough against the pads of his fingers. The smile Jensen gives him is blinding.   
  
“Yeah, baby. It’s over. It’s really done. No one,” he stops to take a deep breath, “is coming after me – after  _ us _ . That is… if you’ll still have me?”    
  
Jensen looks at him with such sincerity and hope that Jared almost believes he’s actually asking that question, which is, frankly, ridiculous.   
  
“Jensen, what did I tell you? There’ll be no talking me out of you. You’re stuck with me.”    
  
Jensen laughs then, real and relieved, and Jared barely has time to shake his head at his idiot boyfriend –  _ yes, yes, yes _ – before he kisses him. They moan and melt together so readily Jared isn’t sure who’s making which sounds but it doesn’t matter. The kiss deepens quickly, both of them desperate for the taste they’ve been missing. Jared is so lost in Jensen’s mouth he barely notices that Jensen is trying to pull his sleep shirt up over his head until he’s tugging it against his chin.    
  
Jared relents, breaking the kiss to give Jensen the space to undress him. His shirt gets tossed somewhere onto the floor and Jared’s hands fly to the hem of Jensen’s henley as soon as his arms are free. Jared is already just in his boxers but Jensen is with the program. Jared yanks off his shirt and they both descend on Jensen’s pants, their fingers bumping together and getting more in the way than anything.    
  
Laughing, Jensen withdraws his hands, happy to let Jared do the honours, and instead gets his hands on Jared’s face, into his hair, and he kisses at his cheeks and ears and neck. It makes Jared giggle and scrunch up because it tickles.   
  
“Jensen, I can’t  _ see _ ,” Jared whines through their combined laughter, trying to shoulder Jensen out of the way so he can finally get the zipper open. Jensen stands up just long enough that he can kick off his shoes and shed his pants. Jared loses his own boxers while Jensen is at it, and then Jensen is standing there naked and bare apart from the flush that Jared’s put on his cheeks, his freckles darker by contrast especially where it spreads down and across his chest.    
  
Jared wants to take in the sight of him but he also can’t stand not touching him for another second.   
  
“Get back in here,” Jared demands playfully as he grabs for Jensen, who is only too happy to clamber back onto the bed and let Jared pull him so he’s looking down at Jared, who is on his back underneath him and Jensen’s legs are in the welcoming space between Jared’s spread knees.    
  
Jared threads his fingers together on the back of Jensen’s neck, tugs a little and tilts his chin up to ask for a kiss. Jensen ducks down to oblige him, licking into his mouth and teasing at the roof of his mouth, nipping at his lips.   
  
“I missed you,” Jared pants around Jensen’s tongue. “Missed you so much.”   
  
Jensen makes a sound in a kind of desperate agreement, dropping his hips to Jared’s so they’re trapped together between them, hot and hard and aching. They break the kiss and both hiss, sucking in a breath at the feeling, at the pressure and friction when Jared cants his hips up like an offering for the way Jensen is shifting back and forth, dragging them together.   
  
“ _ Jared _ ,” Jensen groans, his open mouth at Jared’s ear so he can hear everything he’s doing to him. “Hated being without you. Couldn’t–” he burrows into Jared’s neck and plants a series of wet kisses to the fragile skin “–wait another day to come find you.”      
  
Jared moans when Jensen sinks his teeth into him, not hard enough to break the skin but undoubtedly putting the imprint of Jensen’s bite at the start of his shoulder. Jensen sucks there next, harder than he’d bitten him, and Jared knows it’ll bruise. It makes him shivery with sharp waves of  _ want _ ; he’s desperate to belong to Jensen, for it to be real again and not just a memory. Knowing Jensen feels the same way – it’s enough to make Jared pull at him and spread his knees even farther apart, begging him with his body.   
  
“Jensen,” Jared manages – just barely – to get the words out, voice wrecked and breathy. “Jensen,  _ please _ .”   
  
“Okay, baby. Okay, yeah,” Jensen finally stops sucking the blood to the surface of Jared’s skin. The pressure change hurts; the spot  _ aches _ and Jensen soothes it with a couple passes of his tongue. He speaks around the gentle press of delicate kisses to the fresh mark, having difficulty tearing himself all the way from it. “Where–?”   
  
“Side table,” Jared sighs, fighting his own desire to push the bruise harder into the resistance of Jensen’s mouth.    
  
Jensen sits back and as he leans over to dig in Jared’s drawer for condoms and lube Jared idly strokes himself, watching the strong muscles of Jensen’s body move under his skin as he shifts and settles back on his heels between Jared’s knees. Jensen drops the condom on the bed and pops the cap on the lube, watching Jared watch him. Jared takes the moment to let his eyes roam and take in the breathtaking details of Jensen’s body that he’s been yearning for these last lonely weeks. 

 

When Jared meets Jensen’s eyes again, he’s smiling at him looking as delirious and lovesick as Jared feels. Jared grins widely in response, laughs simply because he’s so fucking happy. Jensen grins then, too, and two, now-slick fingers reach down past his balls. Jensen eases them towards his hole gently, strokes at the rim and then pushes them inside slow and steady. It’s a lot at once – two of Jensen’s thick, capable digits – even with the lube but the burn feels so good,  _ real _ again in that way Jared’s been craving. The intrusion forces the air out of him and he fights to relax his body even as he starts to twist his own hips down to take Jensen’s fingers faster.   
  
“Easy, baby,” Jensen murmurs as he sinks deeper inside, his other hand on Jared’s hip with gentle pressure to try and still him. Jared whines but makes himself relax and lets Jensen set the pace.    
  
Jensen doesn’t disappoint him. However tentative his first push, Jensen gets right to making Jared ready for him. He splits his time watching the way the movement of his fingers pulls at and stretches Jared’s hole and watching Jared’s face as he writhes for the way Jensen is making him feel, teasing him with the good-but-still-not-enough prep. Jared can imagine how he looks, wanton, flushed and near-thrashing on his bed. His hair is starting to stick to parts of his face and he can feel the sheen of sweat that coats him. The room already smells like their sweat and sex and it only serves to make him all the more jittery around Jensen’s fingers.   
  
“Tell me– please. You ready, Jay? Need–” Jensen works in a third finger on the next thrust of his hand. Jared gasps and chases after the way it hurts, tilting into it “–need to be inside you.”   
  
Jared is nodding mindlessly before Jensen has even finished getting the words out and, at seeing his response, Jensen carefully withdraws his hand and scrambles for the condom.   
  
Jared watches him tear the package and roll it down the angry, rigid length of him through heavy-lidded eyes and with hitching breath. He reaches for Jensen’s shoulders with trembling hands as he folds his legs back and Jensen gets into position. When Jensen presses the head of his cock to Jared’s desperately flexing hole, slick with lube and stretched from Jensen’s fingers, they lock eyes and Jared is so  _ struck _ ; Jensen – all of this – is his, is theirs. They’ve made it to the other side and this is real, not a dream or a fantasy or a thing that happened to him in a faraway life.    
  
Jensen must sense how overwhelmed Jared is feeling – the relief, the gratefulness, and the love – maybe it shows on his face or Jensen is just reading him like he does, because he smiles and nods. He leans down to kiss Jared as he puts some weight behind his hips and pushes inside.    
  
Jensen drops his forehead to Jared’s and they pant against each other’s open mouths as Jensen buries himself all the way to the base, groaning as he settles into the deepest part of Jared’s body he can reach.   
  
“I’m home, Jay,” Jensen sighs, and Jared can feel the pretty upturn of his lips against his own.    
  
“Yeah, Jen,” Jared agrees, kissing him messily. “We are home.”   
  
Jensen hums happily and starts to move, rolling his hips back in a big waves that pull him out and push him back in slow and hard, getting harder. Jared groans and as Jensen finds his rhythm, Jared can’t keep in the  _ uh-uh-uhs _ that Jensen is punching out of him. Jensen is thick and the hard heat of him fills Jared, feels so good he can’t think past it. The steady slap of their skin echoes the sounds Jared makes, and as the heat coils tightly in his gut Jared digs his nails a little deeper into Jensen’s back. Jared’s legs are shaking where they’re bent back between their bodies but Jensen is getting him right where he needs it, hitting his prostate on more thrusts than he doesn’t, and Jared is getting close fast.    
  
The little grunts transform into a broken, breathy litany of Jensen’s name and Jensen sloppily kisses at the corner of his mouth.   
  
“Yeah, Jay, that’s it. God– love you, I love you so much, baby–”   
  
Jared comes on a strangled cry, white ribbons painting his stomach while his body seizes with the pleasure of it. 

 

“F-fuck,  _ Jared _ –!” Jensen stills and Jared feels him somehow impossibly harder inside his own softening body as he comes, too.    
  
They both take a minute to catch their breaths, and Jared appreciates the way Jensen keeps himself from crushing him even as his arms shake. Finally, Jensen takes a deep breath, kisses Jared quickly, and leans back to pull out so Jared can gingerly lower his legs. He ties off and tosses the condom in the nearby garbage bucket while Jared watches and then grabs a t-shirt off the floor to haphazardly wipe them both off. It’s so similar to their first time in many ways – Jared still feels like Jensen is taking care of him – but they’re  _ here _ , at  _ home _ , and they’ve got nowhere they need to run off to. Jared guesses he must look a little dopey because when Jensen discards the dirty shirt and looks back at him he grins a little smugly.   
  
Jensen crawls back up the bed to lie down beside Jared, his elbow into the bed and his head in his hand so he can just keep beaming at Jared. There’s another moment of quiet while they both settle into the moment and then– 

  
They both startle at a knock on Jared’s door.   
  
“ _ If you two are finished waking up the rest of our neighbours with your joyous reunion sex, I made pancakes.”  _ Gen’s voice is muffled through the pressboard but her playful, teasing tone is not. Jared feels his cheeks flash hot as he flushes with embarrassment and Jensen is biting his lip, wide-eyed and pink-faced, too.    
  
“ _ Looking forward to finally meeting you, Jensen!” _ Gen adds cheerily before presumably wandering back to the kitchen. Jared clears his throat and laughs a little, apologetic.   
  
“Um, that would be Genevieve,” he explains needlessly and Jensen laughs, too.   
  
“Yeah, I figured as much,” Jensen admits. “Guess we might as well get out there then.”   
  
Jared smiles. “I guess so.”   
  
Jensen starts to get up but Jared stops him before he moves from the edge of the bed with a hand on his arm.    
  
“Hm?” Jensen turns to look at him and Jared leans forward for an easy kiss.   
  
Jared pulls back and slides his hand down Jensen’s arm to take his hand, weaving their fingers together and gives him a little squeeze. This is where their story starts again on their terms, and Jared’s heart is impossibly full. “I love you, too, Jensen.”    


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so, _so_ much for reading. I can't thank you enough for taking the time, and I do hope you enjoyed it ❤


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